


The Birthdays

by Stulot



Category: Aaron/Robert - Fandom, Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Death, Drama, Fluff, Growing Old Together, M/M, Romance, Sadness, Soulmates, and everything inbetween, some might be triggering, this contains a lot of stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:32:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 76,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5714494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stulot/pseuds/Stulot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some birthdays are more memorable than others...<br/><br/>"Can you imagine us years from today<br/>Sharing a park bench quietly?<br/>How terribly strange to be seventy..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - 100

**Author's Note:**

> This story might be triggering. 
> 
> I've started plotting this story probably in April??  
> And started writing it in June but as I was planning for a wedding and then starting school I haven't really had the time I wanted to write it, but here is finally the first chapter! The others are written, I just need to polish them a bit more. 
> 
> Because it's taken such a long time to work on it I just wanted to say that all ideas are my own, even though I can see some similarities to other popular fics. It is purely accidental. 
> 
> Also, the fire in ch 2 was written before it actually happened on the show. Let's call it Oracle powers or something :P
> 
> What else... well, some chapters will be really long, some a little less so I hope you'll make it through them :D :D 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this, there will be plenty of drama but hopefully also a sweet core, it's a soulmate fic after all.
> 
> And with the encouragement from Reina, this is the first time ever I think I've written in present tense, which was a challenge in its own and I'm sure I've fucked up in a few places.

Year 2086

The thickness of his jacket isn't enough and the collar too low to withstand the April gusts, winter refusing to release its grip this year. As soon as he closes the door behind him, he wraps his arms around himself, pulling the lapels as tight as possible and scolds himself for changing into the spring jacket too soon. As much as he hates it, right now he longs back to the warmth of his office and the coffee machine that has seen better days. 

One of the paramedics walks out through the same door he just did, bag in his hand and smiles politely, ”Oh it's cold innit” he says, making the casual small talk before brushing past him to the ambulance parked right outside the low stonewall. 

”Yeah” he agrees and picks up his phone, stating that the time is more than it should be. He moves closer to the man. ”I hope you don't think I'm abandoning him leaving like this. It's just..it's the fourth time this month...” he trails off, realizing how pathetic his excuses sounds and beats himself up when the thought of hurrying back to a job he hates is more important than family. 

The man looks up. ”You came. Plenty of people who don't even do that, believe me” he says with the same rehearsed smile and gives him a pat on the shoulder before heading back in. 

Their family isn't big and he's the only one who lives close enough to make the monthly visits. Even they seem too few and another wave of guilt washes over him. He sighs, and starts walking towards his car, glancing over to the pub that still looks as it did when he was little. Some things just refuses to change. It's comforting really. 

The car door is open and he's got half of his body inside when an old woman catches his attention from across the street. She looks almost worse dressed than himself for the weather. She got her nose to the ground, trying to pick up a bunch of lost flowers from the pavement. 

He hesitates briefly before slamming the car door shut, locking it with a press on the key. ”I'll get them, I'll get them” he shouts, hurrying over to her. The flowers have landed right in a water puddle, no doubt left from this morning's showers, some petals falls off as he picks them up. The water is oddly clear and he catches his own reflection, seeing himself looking more tired than he wishes for. He brushes some dirt off of the plastic wrapping before handing them over to the old lady who smiles warmly.

"Thank you kindly. Such a nice young man you are" she gushes, showing an infectious grin and he smiles back. 

”No problem” he mumbles and turns to leave when another gust hits them and she suddenly grabs hold of his arm, her body wobbling and she tries steadying herself with her cane. 

"Are you ok m'am?" he asks with the sort of concern that's saved for the elderly.

”I'm lucky you're here, I could be tumbling down the street” she laughs. 

”Should I help you home perhaps?” he offers as she still has his arm in a tight grip. 

"I'll be fine. I'm just going over there" she says, pointing with her cane towards the graveyard that is only a short distance away.

"Well, in that case, I'll walk you there" he says and presses down his hand on top of hers that is still warm despite of the chilly weather. 

"You're too nice" the woman muses as they walk together. He makes sure to not rush his steps as hers are small and slightly unsteady, her cane now dangling from her arm. "I don't think I recognize you, you don't live here, do you? I would have remembered a cute face like yours" she says in that way only children and old people can get away with, looking up with squinting eyes as if she's trying to figure out his identity. 

"No" he laughs a bit at her forwardness. "I'm just here to visit my grandpa. He keeps calling the ambulance for some reason" he explains.

”Oh so that's why it was there again, I've been wondering” she says, her voice laced with unhidden curiosity. ”And you keep having to come over you poor thing. Growing old ain't easy” she states as if she doesn't include herself in the group. 

”It's fine. He's my grandpa after all” he tries sounding positive when he's suddenly pulled to a stop. He's not sure she's heard a word he's just said as he finds her staring at the house at the top of the village, something grave crossing her features. 

"You know, this village isn't what it used to be" she states slowly, with much afterthought. ”Two restaurants and a café, that's what we used to have here. Now all that's left is the little shop and the pub. Even the pub isn't much to speak of these days. Not like when I used to be there. I guess no one wants to live in these small villages anymore". 

He vaguely recalls the little café she speaks of, having being treated by his grandpa to pie and hot chocolate during the visits with his parents when he was little. The village had seemed a lot bigger then and more busy. People stopping them to pinch his cheeks as they walked down the street. Now all he can see is the ambulance.

She lifts her cane and points it at the house she's been staring at, "Up there was the vet's surgery." she sighs a little and he smiles at her, unsure of what to say. ”My niece used to run it you know.” she nods proudly before adding, ”But she's gone now”, temporarily losing herself in memories.

It's hard not to let the words tug at his heart when he realizes just how lonely she seems, not even someone to hold on to during the harsh winds. 

"Paddy owned it forever before her” she explains when she speaks again. ”Well, Patrick really but everyone called him Paddy, suited him better. He was a funny man" she chuckles. ”I don't think anyone uses Paddy anymore, do they” she mumbles to herself, looking around the tombstones before them. "I think his grave is right over here" she points with the cane again and they leave the gravel for grass, still wet from this morning.

He keeps his eyes open for any stone with the name Patrick or Paddy but there's none to be found. "Oh maybe I'm mistaken, I can't even remember my own name these days" the woman says and her small frame suddenly seems even more fragile. Her thin hands grasp his arms tighter. "It's not easy when you get to my age dear" she explains apologetically. 

"My grandma is buried over there" he says, pointing to the far end of the cemetery, attempting to make small talk while feeling a new pang of guilt for not visiting more often.

"Oh look here's Chas" the woman suddenly exclaims with joy as if she's found an old friend. "She was a fireball" she chuckles again. "Gave most people hell on a good day!" she laughs as if the statement was a fond memory rather than a past struggle.

Reading the words on the stone he notes she lived to be nearly a hundred. There are people who find graveyards fascinating, intrigued by their tales and history. The stories intrigue him too of course, but he's never felt a need to look around at the stones to find them. They're depressing on a sunny day, death all too apparent, and looking out over all the grey stones in the somber weather, seeing more plots than living inhabitants in the village, he's eager to get out of there before he becomes too on edge. His wife calls him too emotional and he can't really deny that. But when she sees it as something negative, he takes it as positive sign. 

Somehow, the woman seems to notice his reluctance as she says, "Now, if you place me down on that bench over there, I'll be ok".

He's happy to oblige and as he helps her to sit he tries throwing a discreet glance at his wrist watch, calculating how late he can be before he's fired and then trying to figure out if he would even care if it wasn't for the income. Their wedding had cost more than he'd wanted and now she was nagging him for a honey moon. Madagascar or New Zealand, somewhere far that meant a thick pile of notes needed to be earned. The looming threat of getting the sack has been constant for the last six months because of cut downs and his lacking performance due to a failing interest makes him the perfect candidate. The frequent visits to his grandpa doesn't help. 

”Just ignore him. You know it's just a false alarm anyway” his wife reminds him every time it has happen, trying to get him to prioritize work. 

But nothing is ever that easy. 

"Always in a hurry you kids" the woman says, declaring his glance hasn't gone unnoticed. "I used to be the same.” she nods. ”Always trying to be somewhere. Didn't take me long though to realize I had all I wanted right here in this village". She sighs but it's a content one and he can see she's been happy here. 

"I'd love to live in the country again, but my wife loves the city" he finds himself saying, slightly catching himself off guard to the spoken truth that's been hidden away and suddenly he realizes what past arguments over flat hunting really has been about. Maybe he wasn't cut out for the city life as much as he wanted to be. There is something attractive about the country, the way people know each other, help each other out when needed. Not like now, where he doesn't even know the name of their closest neighbour. He sighs a little and points to where they came from, his head nodding in the same direction, "I better get back". 

"Of course dear, I shouldn't hold you any longer". He hasn't more than turned his heel when the tiny woman chirps "You wouldn't mind helping me clean the stone would you, I can hardly see the names".

It's not as if he can turn down a request from an old woman and he soon finds himself with a bucket of hot water and a rough brush, about to clean a stranger's grave as the old lady looks on. The stone is filled with grey and green moss, some of it thoroughly stuck and he figures it must have been years since someone cleaned it. The small patch of dirt is long overgrown by grass and it's all another reminder why he find graveyards so depressing. Forgotten places no one makes the time for. 

"Start there at the bottom" the woman encourages him and he catches a cheeky smile playing on her lips. He does as she says, brushing hard and picking away some of the dirt that clings to the corners of the engraved name with his fingers. 

 

Robert Livesy  
22 April 1986 - 29 October 2069

 

He stares at the name that for some reason seems strangely familiar and he finds himself doing a double take when the ball finally drops. His head whips around to the woman who gives him an amused smile. "Wait a second, is this THE Robert Livesy?" his interest is peaked as the woman laughs and replies "Sure is". He should have remembered, should have recalled all the times his parents and grandpa told him proudly that they used to live in the same village, the stories about him he'd heard more times than he could count. Never had it crossed his mind that the great Robert Livesy's grave would be located in such a small and seemingly insignificant village. And from the looks of it, forgotten to the world. Part from the old woman who despite him never seeing her before, has been a long time resident in Emmerdale. 

Looking at the stone again, that now shines in a different light, he realizes the date of birth is today and Robert would have been a hundred years this day.

The woman must have known what he was thinking as she says, "A hundred years today. I haven't missed one of his birthdays." She hands the bouquet over to him and he places it in front of the stone, in a small plastic cone that he presses into the ground. ”Well, not in the latter years anyway” she adds a little sadder. 

"How do you know Robert Livesy?" he asks, still on his knees, trying to get some more moss out of the name.

"Everyone knows Robert Livesy" she laughs. "This is where he grew up and spent most of his life. Mind you, he was born a Sugden" she points to him as if what she's just said matters greatly. Her eyes dots between the rest of the stones. "Quite a few Sugdens around here. The name died with his brother though" she adds sadly. "What a tragedy that was. Everyone loved Andy, that was his brother you see" she explains. "47 years old" she shakes her head again. "Such a tragedy".

He can't think of anything to say so he smiles at her and turns his attention back to the stone as he tries figuring out how to ask her to tell him more. He doesn't wanna seem too forward but his curiosity is woken by a strong pull of wanting to hear if there's any truth to all the stories he's heard. Thoughts of hurrying back to the office are long gone. There's a pause in conversation as he finishes cleaning the stone and the second name is now shining just as bright.

 

Aaron Livesy  
5 January 1992 - 28 October 2066

 

Pushing himself off of the ground, he stares at the two names next to each other and notices how they almost share the same date of death.

"That looks nice" the woman says happily as he sits down next to her, both staring at the stone that seems like it has secrets to tell. There's a fleeting moment of her looking teary eyed for the first time since they arrived. 

"So, Aaron Livesy was his husband then?" he finally breaks their moment of silence, hoping this will be the question that can elicit all the answers.

The old lady laughs a little, an instant sparkle igniting in her eyes before she turns serious, as if fading memories has suddenly become clear. Then she smiles again and turns to him, her words full of pride, "Aaron Livesy was his soulmate".


	2. 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The affair comes out and Aaron hits rock bottom - but for what reason? and how will the way back go? And can Robert accept himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I did warn you some chapters would be long and this is likely the longest one. I hope you'll make it through haha. 
> 
> In my story things up til this summer happened. So, not the lodge thing or the grain pit or the helicopter crash (Which means Val is still alive, yay!).  
> The rest to come is all AU.
> 
> Oh and as I said, I totally didn't know the fire would happen in canon when I wrote this. Weird.

_"Are you sure you wanna listen to this dear?" the woman asks, looking patiently at him patting his pockets for his phone that's ringing with a tone that seems more annoying than usually._

_"This can wait" he says and mutes it as soon as he finds it in his left pocket. It's the second call within a few minutes from his boss and he doesn't need to answer to know what he wants. Another late deadline. Another smarmy lecture. He can already picture it, he'll have him come into his office, where he stands leaning against his desk, arms folded, his glasses dangling nonchalant from his hand, showing as much authority as he got, before he points the specks at him. He puts his phone back in his pocket. The conversation can wait til the morning._

_"Go on" he encourages her with a nod of his head, fully intrigued to find out the details of Robert Livesy's life, other than what he's read about him in books and articles in school. "Hang on", he pats his pockets again, retrieving half a flapjack left from this morning. He splits it in half and offers it to his new found friend. ”Oats and pecan, it's good”._

_She takes the treat happily and almost looks like a little kid as she takes a small bite into it, some crumbles falling onto her lap. "Now where was I"._

_"The affair, how it got out" he reminds her and scarfs down his piece of flapjack in one bite. For some reason, he finds himself oddly enthusiastic about an affair that took place 70 years ago._

_She sighs and closes her eyes as she tilts her head up, slowly shaking her head. "What a terrible mess that was"._

 

**30.**

 

The moment he pulls up to the pub he can tell something is wrong. It's in the air itself as heavy clouds cover the warm August sun, making the temperature drop instantly and it doesn't take long before the first heavy drop of rain falls on his windshield. He leans forward, staring up to the sky with a frown. He scribbles down some notes about the order he's just picked up on a clipboard and throws it on the seat next to him. At least that will keep Adam off his case about not writing things down properly.

The rain is really coming down now and his hand is on the door handle, ready to make a run for it when something pulls him back. He spots Chrissie and Lawrence exiting the pub. He has his arm around her shoulders, guiding her to their car that's waiting at the side of the road, only a few meters away from where he's sitting. They're walking fast and there's anger written on their faces.

That's when she looks up and she sees him. Despite the rain, she halts. Their gaze locks and Aaron can feel a shiver run down his spine. She's staring at him now, she looks frozen to the spot, and doesn't seem to care how the rain is drenching her. She takes a small step forward as if she's hesitating to approach him. That's when Lawrence sees him too, and he's looking at him with hate in his eyes. Chrissie is about to take another step when Lawrence pulls her back and pushes her towards the passenger door. He rounds the car and gives Aaron another glare before driving off.

He swallows. The moment is over quickly, almost like it never happened but he can feel his heart racing and his stomach turning to knots, telling him it did indeed happen.

The pub is calm and quiet, only a few mumbles and scraping of chairs heard, when he enters and the looks he's receiving from the punters only mirrors his previous fears. Something is very wrong.

He looks around, some of them are shaking their heads at him. Some he doesn't even know. It's like the air is being sucked out of the room and when there are just vacuum left it feels like he's threading through thick fog, all sounds too far away and any emotions temporarily shelved.

”Aaron” someone calls his name and he's not sure he heard it the first time.

His mother is behind the pub and she's motioning with her head for him to go through to the back. She looks tensed and he's hit by a strong urge of suddenly wanting to sink through the floor.

Moira is the first to speak to him, pulling him out of his haze. "I better go tell Cain before he hears it from someone else". She squeezes his shoulder and tries smiling at him, but it mostly comes off as pity, before she heads outside.

Chas grabs his arm before he gets the chance to go through. "Chrissie knows" she hisses. "And so does the whole flamin' pub!" She throws a look around the pub, making sure no one is too close. "Lachlan found a picture of you on Robert's laptop" she whispers. "How could you be so reckless Aaron?"

Her judging eyes are back and he doesn't need this. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go. All the late talks. The pleading. The sweet words whispered in his ears. The reassurances. The hopeful promises that never came true. And it was all too much to handle in the end. "Me? I'm not the one with the photo though am I?" He snaps, twisting his arm free and leaves the prodding behind. He can't deal with this. He shouldn't have to.

Voices are coming from the backroom and he stops momentarily to draw a breath and some strength for whatever is waiting. Not that he even needs to defend himself. They're not even together anymore.

Pushing the door open, he sees Robert sitting in the middle of the sofa, head buried in his hands.

Victoria is pacing and Diane has pulled up a chair in front of Robert. They both stare at him when he enters. Even Robert throws him a quick glance but it's long enough for him to catch his bloodshot eyes. There's an awkward pause between all of them before Victoria takes tone.

"You're both idiots" she exclaims and stomps out of the room before he has the chance to say something.

Diane gets up from the chair and gives him a stern stare. "I best leave you to it".

He makes sure the door is properly shut, they don't need more people interfering with their personal life, before he takes her place at the chair. Robert can't look at him now.

"Can't you just get her back like before or summit?" he tries and a part of him wants to hurl for even suggesting it.

Robert shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head a little. He's still not looking at him and he's probably never seen him this defeated before. Like he's given up. Whatever humiliation that took place must have given his ego a hard knock. Aaron knows Robert hates being out of control.

He knows he shouldn't, but seeing him like this thugs at his heart and he can't even pretend to not care. The weak part of him wants to give him a hug and tell him things will be alright, but the stronger part of him holds him back. And for that, he's grateful.

"What's up with the photo then? Pretty daft if you ask me" He says to fill the quiet but bites his lip when he hears his voice coming off more smug than he intended.

That's when Robert finally lifts his head and when he's this close, Aaron can see just how red and swollen they are. His nose is red, his hair uncombed. The always so together Robert simply isn't there. "I just miss you sometimes. The picture helps" he admits quietly, his jaw clenching hard as he wipes the snot off of his face.

Aaron doesn't know what to say.

 

\--

 

They spend two awkward days at the pub, trying to avoid each other the best they can. Which is hard considering Robert doesn't have a job to disappear to anymore and the hours he can spend at the scrapyard just aren't enough. At least he's quieter than usual and has yet uttered some insulting shit that he's so good at. The hatchet isn't buried and just because the affair is out, doesn't mean all is forgiven and forgotten.

Diane and Victoria enter the backroom as they're having tea, Chas and Robert can't even be bothered to throw evil glances at each other anymore. Victoria struggles to dump two black garbage bags on the sofa.

"Well don't just sit there, there's a couple more in the car" Victoria demands sternly before she's out of the door again.

Robert jumps up. Aaron and Chas don't.

"We managed to salvage more than I ever thought" Diane explains and adds the bags she's carrying to the growing pile.

Chas doesn't even try to feign interest and keeps her interest focused on the food in front of her and the newspaper on the table.

Aaron stares at the bags and there's something sad-looking about them as Victoria piles on two more. Another failed marriage. One for the statistics. And all that's left are a few garbage bags of stuff.

Robert gets back from outside, closing the door behind him with his foot. "Thank you, I really appreciate this" he smiles towards them. Andy's been a no show, and who can blame him. Katie had been right all along.

"One more thing. She said you could keep the car" Victoria explains, eyebrows raised as if she's shocked. Aaron can see Robert sighing contently. "That's great" he says with a genuine smile.

Aaron's not sure if he should laugh or cry over the fact that the car seems to make him happier than anything else.

"See I told you she wouldn't be petty" Diane grins, trying to stay positive.

"Then you obviously don't know her" Robert says, the grin dropping slightly, and Aaron can tell the fear in his eyes, hiding behind his plastered smile.

Later that evening, when Aaron sneaks back from Adam after once again trying to make amends and trying to explain how the scrapyard is important to him too, he gets caught by Robert in the hall who is sorting out what's left of his life.

"Can we talk? Please. I know you're avoiding me" he asks and Aaron detects the pleading tone. It's not like Robert, so he agrees, albeit reluctantly.

"What do you want?" he asks coldly, throwing his hands out at his sides before sitting down on the stairs. He's done with the whole situation. Done with falling out with his best mate and absolutely done with Robert. They've already made one memory in this very place and he's not about to make another one. It's too late and right now, it seems like it could all have been from another lifetime ago.

Robert sighs and opens and closes his mouth, clearly struggling to find the words. "I'm leaving" he finally states and he looks at the wall behind Aaron, unable to face him.

There's a pang of hurt shooting through his chest, but he scoffs and pretends it's not there. "Right" he nods and bites his lips. "Taking the coward's way out then".

"Come on Aaron, it's not like that" Robert sighs again.

"What's it like then?" He's angry now, nostrils flaring. "You're gonna leave me to take all of your shit, then forget it. You'd better stay and deal with this too because I can't just up and leave. Not again" he adds, remembering the last time he did and how it had almost ruined him. ”You're not doing this to me”.

Robert sits down next to him. The staircase is too small for both of them and their legs are pressed together. He absolutely hates the warm feeling that tumbles through his stomach at the closeness and he calms somewhat.

"Come with me" Robert states sincerely.

"You what?"

"We could start fresh somewhere else. Forget about this mess. Just you and me. Aaron, I want you to come with me" he says and from what he can tell it really does sounds like he's given it some thought and it can't be chalked down to a spur of the moment idea.

"You serious?" Aaron wants to laugh at how ridiculous the idea suddenly sounds but he stops himself at seeing Robert. He looks weary, eyes hollow and the usual cheeky sparkle in them is gone. Even his crow's feet seem deeper and more apparent. Life has added five years to his appearance in the last few days and it makes him miss his cocky smile.

"We're not even together anymore" Aaron reminds him.

Robert takes his hand and he's surprised at how easily he lets him. "We could be again".

He makes it all sounds so easy. Too easy. And there's a moment where Aaron lets his brain and heart rush off with him, to a promise of a golden future and waking up to Robert every day but then he recalls all the shitty times and he pulls back his hand, shaking his head. He sees the disappointment written all over Robert's face. "I won't be your second choice".

"You're not!" Robert argues back forcefully.

"I am and we both know it. If Lachlan hadn't found the photo you'd still be there pretending to be happy. That's the life you want". It absolutely wrecks him to say it out loud.

Robert stays calm. Pleading. "Like you said, I was just pretending. I just didn't wanna be alone. Please don't leave me alone". Aaron can see the tears clinging to the corner of his eyes.

"You didn't wanna come out either" Aaron reminds him of the real issue at hand.

"Well Chrissie took care of that, didn't she?" Robert scoffs and there's bitterness leaking into his words.

"Right so, if I told you, let's go inside the pub and you could kiss me there, you would yeah?" Aaron knows that he's pushing it, but he has to.

Robert shifts uncomfortably and that's all he needs to do for Aaron to continue. "You don't wanna be out with who you are. And that's fine. But I can't be back there again. The first time was hard enough".

"I could. I have!" Robert argues and they both know he's referring to the times when they couldn't keep their hands off of each other at the parking lot to a couple of the hotels they'd stayed at.

"Not with people you know" Aaron says and Robert grows quiet again.

There's silence between them until Aaron takes Robert's hand. He gives it an unexpected kiss and presses it to his cheek before letting it fall to his lap. It's soft and smooth under his rough, calloused hand. Just another reminder of how different they are. He grips it tighter and locks it in with his other hand on top. The realization that it's probably the last time he feels it overwhelms him somewhat. "I really hope you'll find what you're looking for. Just try staying out of trouble and maybe be a bit less of an ass and I think you'll be just fine". He wants it to be a joke, lighthearted, but there's nothing funny about this. His tears sting behind his eyes and he's desperately fighting to prevent them from falling.

Robert is seemingly doing the same as he's clenching his jaw repeatedly. "I'll try" he nods and looks in the opposite direction to where Aaron is sitting. "I have to get some air" he says, voice hitched, and rushes outside.

The touch of his leg is gone and Aaron is already missing the warmth. All of Robert's bags are packed and neatly arranged in the hallway, save from one shirt that's hanging on the banister. Tomorrow they will all be gone he thinks before grabbing the shirt and rushing upstairs before Robert gets back. He can't face him again.

The night is spent sleepless, nose pressed to the shirt that smells of expensive cologne and Robert's natural odour. The real smell is just two doors down but he stays put, there are too many wounds that needs to be left unopened.

He doesn't get up to wave him off the next morning. He stays in bed, shirt still held close, and listens to the Aston Martin rounding the pub and driving away.

 

\--

 

It takes a week after Robert's departure before Chrissie carries out her plan.

Aaron lays low, avoids the front of the pub and focuses on work, but living in the heart of the village and in the nest for gossip doesn't prove easy as he's met with provoking glances and snide comments every time he gets back home. He's only caught another death stare from Lawrence once outside the shop - he suspects Chrissie of playing the hiding game as well.

It doesn't help hearing his mum and Diane bickering over Robert's absence either. "He's a fucking coward, leaving my son to deal with his mess!"

They all know by now, Zak, Lisa, Debbie...Cain. It's not spoken but he can tell they're disappointed with him. But no one really say much- they all have skeletons in the closet and plenty of past mistakes. That's what Robert was. A mistake. Nothing else.

It's a comforting thought during the nights he can't sleep, when he's kidding himself he was over him when he broke it off those months ago. It was just a mistake. Everyone does them.

But getting into business with him might have been the biggest mistake of all he thinks as he's standing dumbfounded, staring into the flames of the scrapyard on fire. Most is metal and perhaps it can be salvaged but the portakabin is in flames too, along with their computers, paperwork and other possessions.

He'd just managed to talk Adam around that everything would be alright, that they'd still have a business. That Robert leaving wouldn't affect them. To add to the damage he's holding onto an official looking letter, one that demands the full investment of ten grand back. Plus interest.

There's not even a business to take the money from now.

"No no no" Adam shouts as he approaches the fire and Aaron has to push him back before he decides to try and run in and save something.

There's only a few minutes afterwards that the fire brigade arrives and they're lucky enough to catch the fire before it spreads to Zak and Lisa's. Or worse, before the oil and gas canisters explode.

They've joined Aaron and Adam, as well as Belle, and Eric and Val. All of them are looking at the sad portakabin, reduced to a bit of black metal frame and some smoke. Most of the metal around the yard, safe from the softer materials, can still be used the firefighters tell them, as soon as it has cooled. They probably need to do an environment and health assessment first though, checking how much toxins might have leaked into the grounds. ”The houses around here can't drink the water before it's done” the fireman with the thick mustache explains to them and all Aaron can see is the debt piling on.

"Shame on such a lovely view" Val states and takes another long drag of her fag, despite the others' warnings.

She receives a stern look from Eric. Now is not the time.

None of them really hears the footsteps approaching in the gravel, all too busy studying the small disaster.

"I believe he's yours".

Aaron turns around and sees Chrissie standing only a couple of meters away, her perfectly manicured hand stretched out in a lazy manner, holding Scrappy in a leach.

"Found him lurking around ours. Perhaps you could take him back now" she says, waving the black band a little. Her eyes are burning. "He's a filthy dog" she says, lips pursed, and shoves the black band into Aaron's hand.

They both know she's not talking about Scrappy.

"Pity" she says and doesn't even look into the yard before turning her heel and walking away. "Oh I forgot" she turns back to them. "Don't bother calling the insurance company, I cancelled your payment last week." she says and doesn't appear the least bothered about revealing this was all down to her in front of all the witnesses. "You shouldn't trust a dog with such important matters" she smirks and leave.

There's a dejected mumble coming from Adam and some words from Zak about calling the police on her. Aaron shakes his head, knowing there's nothing they can do.

He deserves it.

Aaron's lungs still seems filled with thick smoke and he coughs his way back to the village as soon as it's safe to leave the yard. Adam isn't there, he needs time for himself. He can tell he's pissed off, and who can blame him. Scrappy pulls him forward when he's dragging his legs and he's grateful for the company. At least someone seems unscathed from it all.

He's too deep in thoughts of how to sort the mess he's in to even hear the car approaching from behind. Not until it's too late and he can feel a glove-clad hand pressing down over his mouth and a strong grip around his torso pushing him into a black SUV. He tries fighting them off, but they are suddenly two against one and before he can register what is happening, there's a hood over his head and his hands are cuffed behind his back and he falls back on the floor and he can feel the car speeding off.

Disoriented, he tries steadying his breathing, despite his bad cough. Long, deep breaths he wills himself to concentrate but they come off as hitched and panicked as he feels. It will be ok, he repeatedly convinces himself. This is just some sick joke. It dawns on him that he doesn't know where Scrappy is. He must be running loose around the village right now, it's the only possibility he can think of. The other thought of him laying strangled some place next to him is just too horrifying to stay on for too long. He'll find him, he thinks desperately. Dogs can find their owners miles away.

The ride is bumpy and he keeps tumbling around on the floor, finding it hard to keep steady. At one point, he bangs his head to the wall and it feels hard enough to cause a swelling. "Saves us a job" someone says from what he assumes is the front of the car. It receives a laugh from another person and Aaron panics again.

It takes about fifteen, maybe even thirty, minutes more before the car comes to a halt and two seconds later, two, what he assumes, strong, tall men, grabs him by each arm. They're half dragging, half lifting him along something that feels like tall grass against his feet. He wants to listen for any familiar sounds to get his bearings but he's left with little chance of that as he hears a creaky door open and close behind them.

"As promised, he's all yours" one of the guy says and Aaron is dropped and pushed forward, causing him to launch to the floor. He's unable to catch himself in any way and he lands with a hard thud, his knees and the side of his head taking the hardest impact. His ear is ringing.

"Where do you want him?" The voice is cold, lacking any sort of sympathy.

"Over there".

The last voice is familiar.

Once again, he's dragged to his feet. His left hand is uncuffed momentarily but soon fastened again so his hands are circling something that feels like a wooden pole. It's digging into his back and he tries bracing himself for what's coming.

"On? Off?"

"Off. I want the bastard to see this" the familiar voice demands again and his hood is quickly pulled off, revealing the voice to belong to Lawrence.

Aaron blinks a few times, the light is strong against his eyes after being kept in darkness. Before the first blow comes, he catches the malicious grin on Lawrence's face and the knuckle ring attached to his hand. That's all he sees before his right eye is hit shut.

He's been in enough fights to know how to breathe through pain but they've always been fair. This is anything but. He's chained and unable to defend or even guard himself. He's an open target to a vindictive old man who lays the punches harder than he thought he could. The knuckle ring doesn't help.

He soon loses count as to how many times Lawrence comes at him. He's a punching bag and nothing more. His face is bleeding and his mouth taste of metal. He's pretty sure a couple of his ribs are broken and it becomes increasingly hard to breathe. There's a hard kick to his shin and he buckles under the impact before he feels a foot in his stomach and a knee to his jaw that makes something crack. Something's come loose and he spits out a tooth.

There's another kick to his lower back before everything stops. Someone pulls him standing again by grabbing the skin at his neck, as if lifting an animal. There's a sliver of opening to his left eye but it's too narrow to make out what's happening. He can hear his heart pounding in his head and he feels like throwing up but he can't even dry heave properly from the pain.

"Wash yourself , you look like shit" Lawrence tells him with disgust before one of the big guys throw a bucket of ice-cold water on him and the other pushes down the hood over his head again. He grunts and shivers but tries breathing through it. He's not gonna scream. They won't defeat him. Not today.

Nothing more is said after that and all that's heard is the creaking door and the revving of the car outside.

Aaron is left alone.

That's when panic strikes and he realizes he's left alone in an empty barn to die. Even though his body aches from excruciating pain every time he moves the slightest, he puts his head to the pole and starts scratching his head along it. He wants the hoodie off. It's suffocating and dark and at least if he can see it will be easier to accept whatever horrible place he's in. "Come on" he whimpers and feel his ribs digging at places where they shouldn't when he works his head against the pole to get it off. If this is where he's gonna die, at least he's gonna do it seeing. He somehow manages to get it off, a part of the fabric is still clinging to some of the blood that's already coagulated on his cheek and he scratches it against the pole one last time.

It's off but there's not much he can see through his right eye that's swollen and the blood that's trickling into his left from the gush on his forehead.

This is really it. "Help me" he whispers into the silent air and all he can think of at that moment is Jackson. The image consumes him and it's so strong as if he was there. Live and present. He can even feel his smell and his curly hair against his cheek. He's not a religious man, but for some reason he folds his hands together where they're attached behind the pole. "Please please help me" he cries silently. That's when he feels it. A muscle in his thumb twitches, making something on the cuff move, and the second later his hand comes free.

He falls forward to his hands and knees, dust from the dirt floor latches onto his wounds. That's when the tears come. And the desperate silent screams without words. Blood and snot and saliva drips onto the ground around his hands. He needs to move but every fiber tells him no, he can't. He looks around, searching for the door when his eyes are drawn to a light and there's Jackson again. He's not sure how, but he's close to him now and he smiles at him and places his hand on his cheek. It feels warm and comforting.

After that, everything goes black.

 

\--

 

"A woman out walking her dog found you outside the barn" Paddy stutters when Aaron's is out of theatre and his head is out from the fog and clear enough to ask about it.

"Oh love" his mum cries repeatedly from the other side of the hospital bed. He can't really see her but he can feel the tears on his hand as she keeps it pressed to her cheek.

The following two weeks are spent in hospital while the worse damages heals.

"You're lucky" his Doctor tells him after explaining how one of his ribs was an inch from punctuating his lung. He still can't see properly, nor walk, and there's a ringing in his right ear that won't go away. That's apart from all the cuts and bruises scattered all over his body. He hasn't had the guts to look himself in the mirror but he can pretty much suss out the state of him in the horrified eyes of all his visitors. He's alive and it could be worse. Maybe he is lucky.

The two weeks after that are spent in his own bed with Scrappy by his side, watching over him and barking at anyone who knocks on his door. Each time it does, he's startled and the bustling sound from the pub below doesn't help.

"I'm fine here" he assures when Adam asks him to go out. Just outside. Not even far. But he doesn't want to. The four walls around him are big enough. And most of all safe.

Adam is back working at the farm after having sold some of the remaining scrap. It wasn't enough to pay their debt but Cain, Moira, James, Paddy and his mum have all pitched in and cleared it for them. Apart for some vile words spray painted on the side of the pub, no doubt the work of Lachlan, none of them has heard more from either Chrissie or Lawrence and for now, things are calm.

"They touch you again, they'll be needing a hearse more than an ambulance" Cain reassured him at the hospital before angrily hitting the wall.

The Whites are laying low and this is one of the times he's relieved to be part of the Dingle clan.

 

-

In the end, staying at the pub becomes too much. It's a fishbowl with too many people and too many noises. Victoria and Adam offer him a room at theirs and he gratefully accepts.

"Love, are you absolutely sure about this" Chas asks for the hundredth time and all Aaron needs to do is look at her and sigh. "Ok, ok, I'll stop mithering" she says and throws her hands in the air. "I'm gonna miss you kiddo".

"I'll be across the road. Literally" he says and shifts the crutch from his left to his right hand. Nothing is really comfortable anymore and he can't even remain standing for long.

"It will get better over time" his physiotherapist has assured him but it's hard to believe it when your whole body is constantly aching.

"It won't be the same. I just wanna have you close" she says and looks at his crutch, lost in thought. It's been hard on her, all of it. From having to lie about him and Robert all those months ago to having to take care of him these past weeks, as he's hardly been able to dress himself.

"If you want to, you can always bring me my tea" he says cheekily, hoping it will cheer her up.

"I already have that bit covered" Victoria says as she enters the backroom, two bags dangling from her hand. She hands them over to Chas and it makes Aaron feel useless all over again. He can't even carry the lightest thing.

"Cheers Vic" he smiles quickly and looks down, embarrassed.

"No worries. All packed then?"

"Yeah, pretty much" he says, nodding towards a big bag on the table and a small box of miscellaneous stuff.

"What? That's it?!" Vic exclaims, voice high. "What d'ya need Ad..." she cuts herself off as Chas throws her a harsh look. She clears her throat. "Best get back. I'll see you later yeah" her voice is apologetically as she pulls the kitchen towel that's dangling from her shoulder and tucks it into her apron.

Aaron picks through the box and contemplates removing some of it. He can always get it later. His Xbox, a few DVDs, and some car mags. That and his laptop is all he really needs. He's never been fuzzy when it comes to stuff.

"What time did Adam say he'd be over?" Chas asks. There's something nervous about her, he can tell.

"Mum"

"I'm just worried, I can't protect you over there" she admits, fiddling with the zipper of his bag.

"I got Scrappy" he says and the dog that's been lying quietly at the door suddenly rises up on his front legs at hearing his name. "See? Always ready". He limps over to the dog and stretches his hand down for the dog to touch. It's as far as he can bend.

"You can hardly walk love".

There's pity in her tone and Aaron hates it. With some effort, he sits down on the couch. "Doesn't matter where I live. Don't feel safe either way" he admits and his mum's chin starts shivering but he can tell she's holding back. It's the first time he's admitted it out loud and to anyone else than Scrappy.

"Right, I'm ready!" Adam bellows and claps his hands together as he interrupts them.

Chas quickly wipes her eyes before the mascara starts running.

"You're late" Aaron complaints, half-teasingly, half-seriously.

"Alright. I'm here now aren't I" he nods towards the bag and the box. "What? That's it?" he asks, mirroring Victoria's words.

"All I need for now" he explains and tries pushing himself up from the sofa. Chas races forward, hand reaching forward. "I'm alright, stop fussing" he snarls and presses himself up by his crutch. As if he didn't feel like an old man already.

"Right.." Adam slings the bag across his shoulder and puts the bag of food in the box before picking it all up. "Come on then" he says and nods his head backwards.

Aaron nods at Chas. "See you later then".

"You think I'm gonna let you go without a cuddle?" she says demandingly and wraps her arm around him not nearly as tight as she usually does. She's afraid to hurt him further, he can tell.

"Alright, that's enough" he says, squirming, as she goes for a kiss on his cheek. Adam doesn't need to see his entire soft side.

Scrappy knows what's up and picks up his leash with his mouth and proudly presents it to Aaron, tongue dangling as he takes it. "Good boy" Aaron encourages him, fingers stroking behind his ear.

"Adam, wait" he calls him back a few minutes later when his friend is about to cross the street. Aaron is leaning against the stonewall, turning his head around repeatedly. He knows he's being paranoid, but he can't help himself tightening the grip around Scrappy's leash and pulling him closer. This is the furthest away from his room he's been since the attack and the world is suddenly feeling big. Too big.

"Hey, hey" Adam rushes back and puts the box to the ground. "Just breathe yeah" He squeezes Aaron's shoulder and tries providing solace.

"There are no strange cars there, ok" Adam reassures and Aaron nods slightly, looking down at the ground and tries his best to block out the world.

"Can you just stay close" His voice is more pleading than he wants it to be and it hits him just how weak he really is. How they've broken him.

"Yeah, course. I'm sorry mate" Adam says apologetically and makes sure to walk a lot slower. Scrappy walks just as slow on his other side.

That same evening, he wakes with a start and finds himself disoriented before noticing he's in his new room. It's about the same size as his room at the pub, but he can already tell it's a lot quieter. Scrappy has already found the squeaky floorboard and he finds it amusing as he keeps pressing his paw on it. His bag is thrown into the closet, left unpacked despite Adam's offer to help, and his box of stuff tucked away in a corner. The walls are covered in floral prints and on the wall opposite of the window is an old dresser that's seen better days. It's Betty's old room and her perfume still lingers.

The nap must have been longer than he planned because his stomach is growling and Scrappy is scratching the door, ready to get out too. He could do with a leak himself.

"Just a sec" Aaron says and tries shifting his body. Waking up is always the worse. Everything is stiff and all of his joints feel rusty and in need of an oil change.

With some effort, he's up and as soon as he opens the door, Scrappy quickly disappears down the stairs.

He tries following as quickly as he can but someone else is already downstairs, opening the door at Scrappy's scratches against it.

Muffled sounds of Victoria's voice comes from the kitchen and he can't really make out what she's saying until he comes closer.

"He stays home most of the time. I don't know Robert. Why don't you just come home and see for yourself" There's a long pause until she continues. "There are other ways to help you know. Don't be an idiot".

Aaron wants to hear more and he tries sneaking closer but the stair gives him away as it makes a creaking noise under his foot and Victoria pauses.

"I gotta go. Talk soon ok".

A few seconds later she pops her head around the corner to the stair. "Hi'ya" He can tell she spots the guilty look upon his face. "Adam and I just had our tea, didn't wanna wake you, but I can heat yours if you like" she offers, pointing back to the kitchen.

"Ta" he responds gratefully and makes it down the last few steps. "Scrappy's still outside?"

"Don't worry. Adam took him out" she says and sees his eyes darting between the two closed doors. "They're out the back" she nods towards the window and gets back to the kitchen.

They're both running around like idiots and Aaron can't help but smile at them. They look just as carefree as he wished he was. "Take it that was Robert then" It's not really a question, he won't pretend he didn't hear them.

There's a beep from the microwave and soon Victoria brings his plate over. "Yeah. We talk sometimes" she admits gently and they both take a seat at the table. "I know he's an idiot, but he's my brother" She sounds apologetic about it.

"Vic I get it"

"He's just scared".

"HE's scared?" he snorts, not sure he wants to listen anymore. He's made enough excuses for Robert and he's done listening to them from others.

Despite dropping in on a few other conversations between Victoria and Robert, moving into her and Adam's turns out to be a good idea. It's not long until everything is unpacked and Paddy and Chas even bring a few more bits and bobs over, making it feel like it's definitely a permanent solution him staying there. Even the smell of Betty starts fading.

He and Vic never talk more about Robert and he pretends not to care but he can feel his heart sting every time he overhears their conversations. He's not here and he never will be and he just needs to accept it. Most days he can forget about him but then comes the nights when he's curled up to Scrappy and the Robert-shaped wounds are still too real and present. There are times when he curse himself for even getting involved in such a mess in the first place and other times when all he wants to do is pick up his phone and tell him he'll come with him. But he deserves better and the urge is left at his thumb hoovering over his name in his phone. He even restrains himself from looking at some of their old texts he's kept.

The small backyard is perfect to let Scrappy out in. He can stand watching him from the door and shout at him when he's digging up half of the bushes, looking for something intriguing. As the days passes, he finds himself moving further and further away from the door until he's sitting in one of the plastic chairs out in the garden, no wall against his back to protect him. It's new and scary but he pushes himself, for his own sake. The door is still left open though and he keeps calling Scrappy back whenever he's more than ten meters away.

The phone in his pocket buzz. Probably Paddy wanting to come over and play some Xbox. Again.

"I miss you". It's short and simple and not at all what he needs to see. It's the first text from Robert he's received in months, the last ones stopped after they broke it off before the summer.

He shifts uncomfortably and his eyes are immediately drawn to someone staring at him from outside the village hall. It's Chrissie. It's the first time he's seen her since the fire. "Scrappy!" he shouts and stands quickly, the plastic chair falling to the ground. "Scrappy!" The dog is only three meters away but he couldn't be further away. His heart palpitates and he can feel her eyes burning into his back as they quickly get inside, turning the key before Scrappy hardly gets his tale through the door. Deep breaths. He's safe now. Shaking, he picks up his phone again. It has to be some cruel joke on Chrissie's part. Why else would she be looking at him the second he received it? Quickly, he deletes the text and Robert's number.

 

 

\--

 

It's early November when he can get rid of his supporting crutch and physically, things feel easier. His movements have improved and he can stand up for more than ten minutes without his body crumbling beneath him.

Mentally, things are just as difficult.

Scrappy is snoozing lightly besides him. It's way past midnight and sleep has yet captured him. The doctor gave him sleeping pills but he doesn't take them, afraid that he won't wake up if he has to. The laptop is set on his knees and he's clicking his way through a folder of downloaded porn. It's not a large collection but big enough to get him through whatever mood he's in. Right now however, none of it is really arousing to him and he's mostly going through the motions.

He shuts the computer off, cleans up and stares into his room. It's not dark, a floor lamp is illuminating the room. It's the only way he can get any sleep these days. The darkness of the autumn days hasn't helped either.

Absentmindedly, he strokes Scrappy behind his ear who is lying next to him on the floor, and the dog seems to sigh contently. He has a constant need of touching him, making sure he's still there. The dog is only really calm in Aaron's company, and Aaron in his. They both feel unease towards people they don't know.

Fear is still consuming most of his time these days. And he absolutely hates it. He knows he got a job waiting at the garage for when he's ready, the distraction would be good, but he can't, not yet. And he knows he should see a counselor, as his mum keeps reminding him, but he's not ready. He doesn't wanna talk. He just wants to feel alive again. Feel anything other than angst.

As soon as he dials the number for the taxi, he knows it's stupid.

Scrappy jumps in the backseat next to him and the taxi driver gives him a snarl. "Should have told us you were bringing a mutt, lad"

"Castle Street, Leeds" Aaron doesn't like his tone and can't even be bothered to feign apologies.

"Leeds?! That's gonna cost you" the drives scoffs and pulls out from the village.

Aaron decides the driver is a pillock and he does his best to ignore him the rest of the trip.

About 40 minutes later he pays the fare, no tip, and slams the door shut. It's the middle of the night and he hasn't been away from the village, let alone his room, in months. It's scary but at the same time it feels safer being in a place where he knows Lawrence or Chrissie won't come looking for him. The darkness of the night surprisingly also feels safer than the revealing daylight.

The last time he was here was after Jackson but before Ed and he was too drunk to remember much of it. It's noisier and the crowd is a lot more out there than within the walls of Bar West. It's what he needs right now he convinces himself as he orders a beer and a shot at the bar. He throws the shot back standing and brings the bottle to a table nearby. Scrappy barks a little, unnerved by the unfamiliar situation. "It's alright" he calms him with a scratch behind the ear.

There's no pool table here, or music that allows you to talk. Instead there are people dancing with their tops off and music loud enough you can feel it pumping throughout your veins. It more or less lives up to Robert's worded prejudices that time in Bar West.

The beer is cold and he presses it against his heating cheeks. The buzz from the shot is starting to kick in and he takes another swig of the beer. He feels more relaxed than he's done in ages and his eyes start scanning the room.

It doesn't take long before they settle on a guy staring at him. His hair is shorter than his, normally build, maybe a couple of years older, the strobe lights make it hard to tell. He's attractive enough and Aaron doesn't hesitate to follow him when he gets up and nods his head towards the toilets. The flask is left half empty on the table.

"You be a good boy ok" he hesitates for a second before leaving Scrappy outside the bogs but the stranger soon pulls him inside and over to one of the empty stalls. The music is loud in here too but he can still pick out the grunts and the rapid sounds of flesh against flesh.

Their tongues are going deep and hands are fighting for dominance when Aaron backs the stranger against the wall, their erections evident through denim. He shoves his hand down the back of the guy's jeans, grabbing his ass as the guy kisses his neck. Sucking it and making it feel so good. There's been such a long time and he's finally feeling something. He wants more now. Craves it.

His hands unbuttons both their jeans and the man sinks to his knees, pushing down Aaron's trousers to his ankles on the way and taking all of him in. Aaron's fingers combs through his hair and there's a moment of hesitation before he grabs his head and forces it to meet his thrusts.

"Fuu.." he breathes, mouth hanging open and eyes lazy at the sensation. "Left pocket" he demands and the stranger picks up a small bottle of lube with a grin.

Aaron reaches out his hand, "Give it here". He squeezes out a good portion of it onto his fingers, some spills onto the floor. "Turn around".

The stranger pushes down his own jeans and Aaron steps closer, one hand circles around his waist and finds his hard cock, the other pushes one and soon two fingers into his hole. He rubs his own erection to the man's side and pushes a third finger in. The man buckles a little and pants hard - Aaron knows he's too fast but he can't be bothered to care.

A few minutes later he puts the condom wrapper to the stranger's teeth and lets him rip the packet open.

"Take it easy" he growls as Aaron pushes into him a little too fast. Biting his lip in anticipation, he counts to ten before he continues. He moves fast and hard and he pumps the stranger's cock as he bites at his neck. It doesn't take long until cum covers his hand and he takes a few last thrusts, shivers shooting through his body.

Without any words shared, the stranger soon disappears. Scrappy hasn't moved an inch when Aaron retrieves him. "Good boy" He gets another scratch before they leave the bar.

Aaron doesn't feel so numb anymore.

 

–

 

The feeling is addictive and his visits to Leeds quickly become more frequent. Random guys each night and he's always the one in control.

The bar at Castle Street soon becomes boring and filled with familiar faces and he finds his thrills elsewhere. Other pubs, darker places. He's gone back to smoking as it calms his nerves the fuck down. Mostly it's just cigarettes, sometimes it's other stuff too.

Aaron blows the smoke from his spliff into the stranger's mouth. Roaming hands are under his top, begging him for more. At this point he's relaxed, too relaxed - they both are from alcohol and smoking. He can't even be bothered to find a condom.

Adam and Victoria promise to keep his nightly adventures to themselves, he's an adult after all, but the night he comes home high as a kite, Scrappy barking as Aaron's wrecking the kitchen, they've had enough and tell Chas and Paddy.

"I think there was something dodgy with me drink" he says and bursts out laughing, unable to control himself.

"What the hell are you thinking! You could get yourself killed!" Chas is done with calm words at this point and it looks like she wants to kill him herself.

"You're mistreating Scrappy!" Paddy shouts at him, aiming for a new angle. "Don't you care about him!?" He pulls the leash out of his hand.

Aaron doesn't come home the following night. Or the night after that.

"Time to wake up".

The voice is loud and there's a tap on his shoulder.

"Come on. Get this down ya" the voice coax.

Aaron barely gets his eyes open before seeing a cuppa being placed on the table before him.

"Come on" the voice prods, a bit lower this time.

He blinks his eyes open and finds nothing familiar about the place, not the coffee table, the sofa he's on or the stranger standing in front of him. His heart races and there's a big lump forming in his throat, his eyes start panicking.

"Here!" The stranger rushes forward with a bucket and he heaves into it, emptying what must be the last content of his stomach.

His head still hangs over the bucket as he finds some strength to speak. "Where am I?"

"Well, you're in my apar..."

"No, I mean, how did I get here?" he interrupts and looks around again, unable to recall even the slightest detail. The last thing he remembers is taking two shot at some bar he'd never been at before.

"I found you passed out behind some dumpsters. Thought it best to take you home".

He puts the bucket down when it feels safe he won't need it again. "Habit of yours is it? Bringing strangers home?"

"Serve and protect and all that" the stranger says and nods his head towards a chair nearby, an officer jacket hanging over it.

"Shouldn't I be in an alky cell then?"

"I was off duty, thought I'd save you some hassle" he explains calmly and patiently, Aaron can tell he has had training in the technique.

He shivers, pulls the blanket closer and reaches for the mug. It suddenly dawns on him that all he's wearing are his boxers and his clothes seem nowhere to be found.

"Yeah, I washed them. No offence mate, but they reeked" He nods at him. "You're sorta in need of a shower yourself. You were a bit big for the machine" he tries joking and Aaron nearly smiles.

"Sorry" Aaron mumbles into his brew.

"S'ok" The stranger smiles and reaches out his hand. "I'm Calum by the way".

"Aaron" he says as he takes his hand and for the first time he looks at him properly. He's tall and lean and got a bit of a stubble. Dark hair. A touch of southern European about him. Probably a few years older than himself, judging from the officer's suit.

"I know. I looked through your wallet, wanted to see if you'd been robbed. Occupational habit" he explains as Aaron shoots him an annoyed look. "Your phone is there too" He points to the table.

Aaron picks it up and tries switching it on but it's dead.

"Don't worry, I think I have a Samsung charger somewhere" Calum says and leaves for the other room.

Aaron follows him with his eyes and is then acutely aware that something is missing.

"Where's Scrappy?" he shouts and he's ready to throw off his cover and jump into his boots to go look for him.

"Hey calm down." Calum asks as he comes back with the charger and pushes him back to the sofa. "Who's Scrappy?"

"My dog" A tear releases its hold at Aaron's eye and it drops into his lap. He'll never forgive himself if something has happened to him.

"You didn't have a dog with you."

He rubs some more tears out of his eyes when it all starts flooding back. The row with his mum and Paddy. Paddy taking Scrappy away from him. After that, it's mostly a blank space filled with previous stupid encounters. His lip starts shivering and he hides his head in his hands.

"I can't remember anything" he sniffles and feels the sofa sink on his right side as Calum sits down.

"For what it's worth, you haven't been robbed, you were fully dressed and I couldn't see any fresh injuries" he lingers on the last two words and Aaron pulls up the blanket again, too aware of all his scars. "When you've finished that" he nods to the cup "I'm taking you to the hospital, let them check you out, get you tested. No arguments" he adds before Aaron has a chance to protest. "Look. Whatever you're taking, you need to stop that mate" Calum's voice is professional, like he's seen it too many times before.

He shrugs his shoulders sadly, "It calms me".

Calum folds his hands in his lap, stroking his thumbs together. "I know people who can help with all sorts of addictions".

"I'm not an addict" Aaron quickly bites back but Calum takes no notice.

"Drugs, sex, anxiety, depression...ptsd".

Aaron looks away, it's easier staring into an empty wall. "Why are you doing all this?"

"Like I said, serve and protect" he says and presses a comforting hand on his shoulder which makes Aaron turn back.

"Didn't think coppers hung out at places like that".

"I'm not always a copper" Calum smiles. And for the first time Aaron can see the human behind the profession.

 

\--

 

"How did it go?" Calum asks as soon as he gets into the car and Aaron smiles at how much he cares. It's cute and endearing and he's missed having someone so attentive.

"Good yeah. She reckons it's enough we meet once a week" He rubs his hands together and blows into them before fastening his seatbelt.

"That's great" Calum leans over, pressing a light kiss to his lips. "Your nose is cold"

"Fucking freezing out there" He blows some more hot air into his hands and throws a glance into the backseat. It's filled with a small suitcase and three huge paper bags of Christmas presents and Aaron gulps a little at the thought of meeting Cal's big family. It has all gone quickly and rather caught him off guard. "Don't tell me there's more in the trunk".

"No" Cal laughs. "Got the food there" He kisses Aaron's hand.

Aaron leans into his seat with a smile, doing his best to disguise what a nervous wreck he is. He could kill for a cig. After a few weeks of therapy it's the one habit he hasn't kicked to the curb. Sheila, his CBT therapist, is happy with him. They've made huge progress in a small amount of time. Not to a point where he's healthy, but to a point where he feels he's on top of things again and knows how to handle them. She wanted him to take something for the anxiety but he refused, remembering how numb they made him feel the last time.

It's still hard for him to believe how the hell he ended up dating a copper but Calum is just what he needs. Cain isn't too thrilled however. He's kind and considerate, cares deeply for his family, has a stable job he's really good at. He listens and doesn't push or prod. He's stable and safe and...everything Robert isn't. He's met Victoria and Adam as Vic insisted they'd go on a double date in Hotten. "Oh come on Aaron, we have to meet your knight in shining Armor" she teases. It's her nickname for him ever since the truth came out of how he'd helped him. In the beginning he was too embarrassed to say, too embarrassed to even go out of his room but as Calum had turned up at his door, voice filled with concern, he felt it better to tell the whole story. Chas and Paddy got a PG-rated version of it and he'd made Vic and Adam swear that the real truth would stay between them.

The test results from the hospital came back negative and once again a doctor had called him lucky. Then given him a reprimand on safe sex. His night of unconsciousness had given him enough of a scare to never wanna put himself in any similar position again.

He's told Calum thank you for saving him from himself about a million times but it still doesn't feel enough. The least he can do is hold it together for a pre-Christmas dinner at Cal's parents' place in Harrogate. He got the Christmas shift so this will be the next best thing he explains to Aaron and Aaron still doesn't see how he's so dead sure of him being there. He still feels like the ally cat next to him and that doesn't subdue his angst. At least it's not the actual Christmas day, that would have made him real jumpy.

Christmas has always been awkward. Growing up with Gordon it was mostly spent up in his room avoiding whatever drunken conversation that was going on, or if he was real lucky- watching the Muppet Christmas Carol as his dad was passed out on the sofa. The first Christmas he recalls with some sort of fondness was the one spent in the Barton household, listening to Paddy make a fool of himself on the karaoke. Even that year was awkward as he had a major crush on his best mate. Nah, Christmas isn't for him he thinks and shakes away any thoughts of last year's barn adventures before they try seeping into his mind. That's not what he should be thinking about right now.

He's got Calum sitting next to him, beaming and whistling along to Jingle Bells on the radio. That's where his focus should be at.

 

\--

 

He survives Calum's family better than expected and soon enough the real deal rolls around.

'Have fun ;)' he finishes texting Calum as Cain has threatened to throw the turkey at him if he doesn't put "the flamin' phone" down and share some "damn Christmas spirit".

"He seems a lot happier" he overhears Lisa tell his mum and pretends he doesn't hear any of it.

"Yeah. Thank god ey"

They spend most of their day at Zak and Lisa's with the rest of the Dingle clan, people keep coming and going and he's lost count to how many hugs and Merry Christmas he's shared. Soon after Cain, Moira and Adam leave they say their goodbyes too.

"Duty of a landlady calls" Chas hugs Belle goodbye and Aaron is back on his phone as she closes the door behind them.

"Nothing new from lover boy?"

Aaron frowns but his eyes are too soft to look angry. "Eww. Mum"

They're still laughing and teasing as they get back to the pub, Chas having persuaded him to join her at the bar. After too many somber months, there's light at the horizon. Chas is the first one to step into the backroom, only to lose her laughter midway as she stops in surprisement.

"Chas! Aaron! You're back early" Diane exclaims nervously, there's guilt and apologies in her tone.

The reason for it is sitting next to her.

"Merry Christmas" Robert turns to them, even daring a tiny smile.

"What's he doing here?" Chas points her finger at him, one eyebrow cocked.

Aaron doesn't say anything, in fact, he can hardly make himself meet his eyes. He looks different. His hair is longer again, he's wearing a simple sweater that doesn't look like it costs half a month's salary, but most of all there's nothing smug about him. His usual cocky self, that especially seem to come out in the company of Chas, seems vanished.

"Chas. It's Christmas!" Diane reprimands with a stern look and it's at times like these Aaron get the feeling they're more than friends and business partners. She's like a mother to her.

"Fine. You do what you want. I'm going out to the bar anyway. You coming then?" she says to Aaron when he lingers too long.

"Yeah" he says and throws a quick glance Victoria's way. It looks like she's mouthing sorry, but Chas drags him out before he can tell.

"Aaron!"

Chas crosses her arms and Aaron finds himself in the middle of his mum and his ex secret lover or whatever the name is.

"Can we talk?" he begs. "Please. I'm catching the train at 7. I just want a chance to talk".

His mother's stare is burning into his neck but still, he complies. "Not here" he nods and Robert follows him and Scrappy across the road. It's not until they're outside he notices Robert doesn't even have a jacket on. There's about a million thoughts rushing through his head at that moment and somehow the one that keeps shouting the loudest is the most vain and vulnerable of them all - he's hoping Robert won't catch his small, but detectable, limp.

Aaron makes sure Scrappy's water bowl is filled first before even asking Robert if he wants a brew.

"I'm ok"

"There's naught stronger if that's what you're after" Aaron says matter of factually. There hasn't been since the day he came home from the first time at Calum's.

"I don't need anything. I just want to talk" Robert shrugs his shoulders awkwardly and he's left standing in the hallway, an awkward aura surrounding him.

"Right" Aaron nods and isn't really sure where to look. His fingers are twitching and his mouth feels dry. He hates the effect Robert has on him. He grabs a packet of fags from the kitchen counter and makes his way to the back door. "No Scrappy, stay" he tells the dog when he thinks it's playtime outside. Aaron stops in the doorway and lightens a cigarette. He throws the rest of the packet on the table and pockets the lighter.

"Didn't know you smoked" Robert's voice is quiet, careful.

"I do now" he replies defiantly and takes a long drag and blows out the smoke in the cool air. It's dark and empty out there but it still feels brighter than the room he's in.

Robert shifts a little and Aaron can tell he doesn't know what he's going to say. He bites at his thumb nail and tastes the cig again, kicking away a little dirt that's left on the door step. "What'ya been up to then?"

Robert shrugs once more. "Odd jobs, here and there" he answers loosely and avoids looking in his direction. Aaron figures he's not the only one who paid a price for the affair.

Robert sits down on one of the chairs next to the window and he's about to ask where he lives but he's not sure he wants to know. It doesn't really matter anymore. The cig is gone and he flicks the stub to the ground, there are a few others out there and Victoria has yelled at him several times about them.

He's still biting his nails as he sits down opposite of Robert.

"Your scar" Robert remarks and Aaron turns away, he doesn't need him staring at the ugly cut at his eye.

"It's nothing" he growls.

"And the limp, is that nothing too?" Robert asks sadly, not even a hint of superiority or smugness in the question.

"Exactly" Aaron snorts, shifting his jaw back and forth.

"Aaron..." Robert's voice coaxes.

"Well what do you want me to say?!" Aaron suddenly flares and he stands up forcefully, hands pointing accusingly. "Do you want me to tell you how you weren't here to pick up your fucking mess!? Want me to tell you how they burnt my livelyhood and beat me up and I got more scars to prove it!" he shouts and finds himself pulling his shirt up, revealing a torso filled of scars Robert has never seen before. "That's what you wanna see?! Or maybe you wanna hear about my ptsd or how I passed out in the back of an alley because I couldn't deal?!" He shakes his head furiously and it's banging hard. It's as if all the anger that's been accumulating over the last few months is boiling and he wants it all out now. "Nah. You don't wanna hear that shit do you! Just go back to wherever the fuck you came from because no one needs you here!" It's not until Scrappy barks and paces worriedly around him that he calms down. He falls back to the couch.

"I'm sorry. I am so sorry"

Aaron's not sure what shocks him the most. Robert's apology or the genuine tears that accompanies it.

"Vic called me and told me what happened. I sold everything I had so they wouldn't go after you again" he admits. That would explain the cheaper clothes and the train trip. "She's been filling me in but” he pauses and Aaron can tell just how shaken he is, ”I didn't realize just how bad it was."

"Well now you know so you can go"

"There hasn't been anyone else" Robert blurts out, steering the conversation in a whole other direction.

Aaron scrunches his face. "And that's suppose to mean something to me?" If he just stays angry he'll be able to handle it better.

"I was hoping it would, yeah" There still isn't any smugness in his voice.

"Well it doesn't. And I have. Met someone else I mean. So it's time for you to do one now. I don't need you anymore" He won't even pretend to feel guilty.

 

 

\--

 

Robert's visit rattles him and for the next week it's all that's eating at his mind. He and Calum spend New Years in Leeds together but he's unable to enjoy it as his thoughts keep dotting back to Christmas. And to Robert's confession.

They're at a party one of Cal's friend's has thrown - he's now met both family and friends and something is telling him things are moving a bit too fast. He wants to be cheery as the others who seem to enjoy themselves dancing, well jumping more like it, he really do, at least for Cal's sake. But it's not him. Neither is sitting nicely and nod while meeting the parents. The only parent he's ever met before is Hazel and she wasn't exactly a toast-and-look-each-other-in-the-eye kinda mum. Not prim and proper with a nice house in the suburbs and two shiny cars parked in front of it.

Robert got the house, well he had, so to speak. But he's not prim nor proper. He's messy and spontaneous and calls out people's bullshit and if he'd seen him right now he would call out his.

Fuck.

It takes about another month of denial and finding courage to say what he really feels.

"So you broke it off then?" Paddy states, making sure he heard him right.

"Yeah" Aaron's jaw is tense as he limps along Paddy, heading towards the pub Paddy's insisted they go to.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be". He was always gonna be a rebound thing. At least this way he can stop kidding himself of anything else.

 

\--

Somewhere between snow and thaw he finally goes back to working in the garage full-time. It's been a long struggle and he knows credit goes out to Sheila...and Calum for it. His therapy is doing him a world of good and he soon reduces his visits to every second week. Which later on becomes every third week. Life is better, it's easier to breathe these days and it feels like he has things to look forward to again. He and Adam have made loose plans about taking a last minute to Greece or wherever and he's already excited about it, despite Adam's merciless teasing of him cruising at foam parties. There will be none of that, they both know it, but he lets him keep his fun.

"Have you heard then?" Debbie asks him between two oil changes. It's a tedious task, but it has to get done.

"What?" He's still too concentrated on what's under the bonnet to even look up.

"Robert's moving back" she says and Aaron drops the dipstick, spilling oil on himself and the motor. ”Fu..”

She raises her eyebrows, looking sympathetically at him "Take it you haven't heard then".

"Who told you?" Victoria hasn't mentioned a thing.

"Andy, this morning when I dropped the kids off".

"Where's he gonna live then?" He asks before she even finishes speaking. Will he be back at Home Farm?

"I don't really know more. Andy just said he couldn't take the kids tomorrow because he's gonna help Robert with the move".

Aaron drops what he's doing and rushes off so fast the gravel flies beneath him. He needs to find Victoria.

"I'm sorry Aaron! I just didn't know how to tell you!" Victoria shouts after him when he angrily runs out of the pub kitchen, ready to hit something.

A few days later he catches him move his few bags into Andy's place and from what he can tell, they're on good terms again. The next few weeks are spent going out of his way to avoid him. He's pretty sure Robert is doing the same.

It's Friday evening and he and Adam are having a good time in the Woolie, playing darts and shooting banter at each other, making it almost feel like old times again. He's 15 points under when Robert and Andy walk in. It's late and Robert looks like he had one too many already, he looks that happy. They both do.

"Come on Rob" Andy urges, one hand on his brother's shoulder, pointing at a free table next to the back entrance. "Let's sit over here". Not far away for Aaron's liking.

They don't acknowledge each other but it's enough for Robert to be there to throw Aaron off his game. His whole body tenses at his presence and he keeps throwing the darts so hard he's not even aiming anymore. The one night in ages when he's brave enough to spend a full evening in the pub, this had to happen. Of course it flamin' did.

"Oy careful" Adam laughs as he hits the wall outside the board.

"Two pints please Pearnice. Bearnice." Andy says when he reaches the bar and Robert's laugh catches Aaron's attention. He's appearing more carefree than he's ever seen him.

"You sure you shouldn't have water?" Bearnice asks with that condescending tone she's so good at.

"Nope, we're celebrating" Andy shouts a little too loud, getting the attention from most of the pub. Robert waves his hand in front of his throat and Bearnice takes notice. "You can get a half" she says.

"Aww come on. I thought you liked me" Andy playfully pouts and Aaron's pretty sure he's flexing his muscles for good measure.

"Oh for God's sakes Andy" Bearnice tells him off, a crinkle on her forehead.

"Ok, come on bro" Robert steers Andy away, grabbing the half and some water. Maybe he wasn't so drunk after all if he's acting that responsible now.

No matter how much Aaron tries, he keeps losing game after game to Adam and his annoyance keep risen.

"We could head home" Adam tries for a second time, glancing over to the table where Robert and Andy are at.

Aaron throws another angry dart. "Nope. We were here first" He knows he sounds like a sulky teenager but he just can't be bothered.

Adam sighs and he's pretty sure he's ruining his night too. "I'll just get us another lager shall I”.

"Aaron! Hey Aaron!" Andy calls the moment Adam turns towards the bar. Aaron tears the darts out of the board – and wall - and looks over at them just in time to see Robert give Andy a kick under the table.

"Ouch. That hurt that" Andy cries, all attention back on his brother.

Adam hands him his lager. "Andy is so wasted" he laughs, looking in the Sugden brothers' direction. "Weird seeing them even getting along like that, Vic says -".

"We gonna play or not?" Aaron cuts him off, shoving the darts into his hands.

"Hey, it's your birthday in 10 minutes" Andy shouts again and Aaron instantly remembers the date. 22 of April - Robert's birthday. He can't help himself from throwing a glance at his wrist. The watch from last year, the one he was so damn proud of isn't there anymore. Andy is leaning over the table now and they seem to whisper something between them, annoyance growing on Robert's face who thankfully hasn't caught him staring.

He can't be bothered with their game anymore and he and Adam take a seat at the bar when Victoria enters from behind it. "Right, that's me done Bearnice. Ready to go home then babe?" she asks when she spots them.

"Aaron! Aaron!" Andy shouts again and receives more kicks from Robert, along with an evil stare.

"What's up with them" Victoria nods towards them.

"Andy is drunk" Bearnice answers, fiddling with her necklace.

"Right" Aaron takes another swig of his beer, slamming down the glass hard before heading over to their table.

"Aaaaron!" Andy exclaims happily while Robert looks like he wants to sink through the floor.

"Is there something you wanna say, just say it" His hands grip the top of one of the chairs tightly and he leans over their table, likely appearing quite threatening. He doesn't care, he's done with this game or whatever it is.

"Yeah Robert got something to say" Andy smiles with his lips tightly pressed together as if he wants to say something but knows he can't.

Robert's looking down, shaking his head. "No I don't Andy".

"Yeah you do, you said before..."

"Right, that's enough yeah" Robert cuts him off. For a second he's back to his old demanding self, voice cold and hard, but then he catches himself and sinks back in his chair. Aaron shakes his head of their immature behaviour.

Andy mumbles something Aaron can't make out but it gets Robert talking directly at him. "I just wanted to say sorry if me being here is causing trouble for you."

Aaron briefly looks to the ceiling, laughing with annoyance before slamming the chair down, catching some attention from the rest of the midnight punters. "I'm so sick of people telling me how sorry they are! That's all you ever say!" Robert doesn't respond. "Why did you even come back?"

"For you!" Robert tells louder and clearer than he expected him to.

"Lie. Try again" Aaron seethes.

"Fine. I came back for me. To prove what a selfish bastard I am to everyone. Is that what you wanna hear?" Robert says defiantly.

Aaron is sick of it. He can't deal with it anymore and he turns to leave. "Come on Adam". He's just about to walk out the door when he hears the scraping of a chair quickly being pushed against the floor. Then he hears them, the words, and the hair on his neck prickles. And he turns and stares, gobsmacked, at Robert who is now standing, all eyes on him.

Robert Sugden has just turned 30 and for the first time in his life he's admitted to everyone just who he is.

And who he loves.


	3. 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's almost been a year since Robert admitted to the world who he loves - what does life look like now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depending on how you look at it, this chapter gets posted with some sick timing...or the worse timing ever.  
> As I said in the previous chapter, I wrote this months and months ago, so I really had no idea what would happen on the show when writing this.  
> Because of it, I feel like I should have written this differently, but I don't really have the energy for that since it would alter the rest of the story.  
> Plus, this is AU more or less so....
> 
> Happy reading!

_”Wow. I guess that's one way to tell a person you love them”. He's not sure to laugh at how shocked everyone must have been in the pub or be utterly impressed by it. The first time he told his wife, they were in the car on their way home from the grocery store. ”I do too” she had smiled. Just them, short and simple and all their feelings in control._

 _

”Robert always liked things to be dramatic, no matter what they were” the woman confirms his suspicions. 

He puffs a little laugh, one corner of his mouth turned up. They were anything but similar. "So he told him he loved him. What happened after that?" he inquires, rubbing his hands together before blowing heat into them. 

"Hang on" the old lady laughs. "I guess after that they actually had a good year. Well, more or less at least". 

_

**31.**

"This is really getting old... and cold"

He can feel Robert's smile on his neck as his arms circle around his waist. It's a need Aaron's not too long ago discovered with Robert. The need to touch him, making sure everything is ok and that he's still there. When they were just an affair, there wasn't much time for lingering. There wasn't time for hugs and kisses and affection. Lust took enough time and on the few occassions they did have time for it, it was always ridden with guilt.

"Come back to bed" Robert lures and coaxes by planting tiny kisses along his collarbone. "Both Scrappy and I are freezing"

Aaron throws a glance in Scrappy's direction who is laying resting on his blanket, head leaning on his paws. He's giving Aaron a sad stare in the way only dogs can.

"Plus. You don't need to drive yourself to an early death" Robert takes the cigarette out of his hand and Aaron lets him. He puts it out against the snow dust on the windowsill and throws is out of the window. He knows Robert hates him smoking, how he complains how it's like living with an ash tray. He's promised to give it up many times but he keeps slipping back. Not even the e-cig Robert bought for him has worked. The strawberry flavoured one did taste good though. 

"Vic's gonna hate you for that", he says, staring down at the growing pile on the ground, even more visible by the Christmas lights strung throughout the garden. 

"I'll just tell her it was you" Robert closes the window and takes Aaron's hand, pulling him back to bed. Robert takes out a mint they keep in the drawer by the bed and pops one into Aaron's mouth.

The cover is thick and cozy but the bed is way too small for them. They haven't gotten around to get a new one even if Robert's been bugging them to go get one from the first day he moved in. "I hate this bed" he says and tries getting comfortable.

"You're just too tall" Aaron smirks.

Robert leans close to his ear. "And you love it". It's true, he does. Especially when those long arms wrap around him. Or better yet, his legs. 

Apparently, Robert is done trying to get comfy as he plants himself on top of Aaron, sitting back on his calves. He takes his fingers and kisses them, one by one. "So...I...was...thinking" he says seductively between pecks. 

"Never a good thing with you" Robert stops, and squeezes his thighs against his body. "Ouch! Right. Go on" Aaron chuckles. 

"Your birthday is coming up" Robert's at his neck now giving him more kisses and he knows exactly what he's trying to do. It's the only sort of manipulation from Robert that has ever worked on Aaron, and he knows it.

"Uh-huh" he smiles inwardly, pretending he doesn't know where this is going. 

Robert moves down his chest. "I think..." He goes farther down and lets the tip of his fingers slip under his boxers. "We should..." He's kissing his happy trail at this point and Aaron can feel his body respond further. "Celebrate..."

Aaron closes his eyes and enjoys Robert's work but refuses to let himself get manipulated by it. "No chance" he somehow manages to get out.

Robert looks up, face sulking and drops the boxers' waistband, making it snap on Aaron's cock. "Ouch. What the hell Robert"

"Come on! It's your 25th" He kisses the outside of Aaron's boxers, not ready to give up. At this point he seems to be fussing more over his birthday than their first Christmas together. 

Aaron lets his hand gently lift Robert's head. "A pint down the Woolie. That's alright ain't it?" He doesn't want all the fuss and attention.

Robert scoots up and locks his hands around Aaron's shoulders. "Not really sure that's enough. I mean...we got a lot to celebrate between your birthday...and my new job"

Aaron laughs and tugs playfully at Robert's hair. "Oh, so THAT's what you really wanna celebrate. It's all about you, innit?"

"Ain't it always" Robert gives him a cheeky grin with eyebrows wiggling and it's impossible to even get mad.

"Fine". Aaron rolls his eyes. ”Why am I even surprised”. 

Robert kisses him and continues his game of seduction. It works.

\--

They've settled in together better than anyone thought they would, including themselves. Robert stayed at Andy for the first few months in the village but it soon became pointless as he was spending every other night snuggled up by Aaron's side. Vic gets annoyed at her brother probably more time than he does, and he is still his annoyingly smug self but Aaron's developed a magical look where all it takes is a glance to make him rein it in.

They're the last ones out of the house that morning and Aaron's sure Adam's gonna give him grief for being late. Again. With the help from Robert, they got the scrapyard up and running, he even secured their clients back. It helped getting he and Adam back on good terms and making it a bit more tolerable living together. 

Aaron is about to tell Robert when he catches him staring up the village and his eyes follow his direction, watching two big moving trucks pass by. "Who's moving?"

"Chrissie and Lawrence...and Lachlan" he adds and keep staring until they're out of sight.

The mere mention of their names makes Aaron wanna check behind his back and sends his hair on his neck to stand. He hasn't seen much of them during the last months, since they got barred from the pub they don't have much reason to show their faces in the village. It's only been the odd occasion when Lawrence's been driving through the village or that one awkward time when Chrissie out walking Dog had caught him and Robert snuggled up on the steps of the cricket pavilion. Scrappy had chased them away. "Did you know?"

"Yeah, Sam mentioned it" Robert says as if his thoughts are elsewhere before turning back, a smile plastered on his face that he knows is for his benefit. "Guess we don't have to worry about them anymore. I wonder who's gonna move in there now". He tries keeping it light and upbeat. 

"Don't even think about it Rob" Aaron replies sternly. 

"I'm not! I swear! Do you think I'd wanna move up there again?" he huffs not too convincingly. 

"Yes"

"Well, maybe a little. It's a nice house after all. But no, it'd be too weird. Besides, it's not like I could afford it"

Aaron mockingly coughs out a "we".

"You picking me up after work then?" Robert asks, quickly changing the conversation before they'll get into a barney. 

”Mm” Aaron replies and watches him pull at his sleeves that keep rising. It's a cute nervous trait Aaron has figured out. Robert doesn't really do nervous in front of anyone, but him fidgeting with his sleeves give him away everytime.

He locks the door, "You'll be great" he pockets the key, turning to smile at Robert. "They're lucky to have you".

Robert stares at him as if he'd been speaking French. "Well, yeah" he says and makes it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, not a hint of doubt. It almost makes Aaron roll his eye at him, or himself, he should know that Robert's ego don't need boosting. 

He'd stayed at the oil company for six months before he'd charmed his way into their financial department and then on to the bank that had been eager to work with him. Aaron's not completely sure how he does it, but he suspects a lot of flirting, charm and skillful manipulation goes in to it. That part hasn't changed in Robert during the year they've been together as a proper couple, and neither would he want him to. It's what makes him...well, him. The part that has changed though is his mood and his way with others. He's happier. Less angry. More calm. Well, with the occasional Rob-fits as Aaron has started calling them.

"Can't believe I have to take the bus though" he slings his shoulder bag across his chest with a little pout. 

"That's because only special people get to drive this beauty" Aaron pats on the roof of his black Polo that's unbelievably still ticking. They both know the real reason why Aaron gets the car, but it's good pretending not to. It makes it more normal. His leg still can't manage walking too far without pain shooting through it. Especially during the cold months. His physiotherapist told him it might get better, it might not. He just has to keep up his exercise routine.

Robert stares at the car and Aaron can see him sighing inwardly. "We need a new one" he states. "This is basically a sewing machine.”

"Well if you just hop along on that bus and earn some good brass, I can start looking for one" Aaron winks.

Robert nods at the car, "Best be off then before the whole thing falls apart" 

"Don't diss my car mate" Aaron shakes his head, feigning offence. 

"Still not your mate, mate" Robert squints, stressing the last T. 

Aaron laughs teasingly. He knows how much Robert hates being referred to as mate. He drags him in by the lapels of his new navy suit, one he forced Aaron to come along and buy. They both ended up complaining at each other the whole time, forcing them to agree never go clothes shopping together ever again.

He unlocks the car before turning back to crane his neck and gives Robert a quick peck. The kiss is quick but it's still long enough to feel that tension in Robert as he always does when they're not in the comfort of their own home.

Aaron's never been big on PDA but he knows Robert has and it pains him that he's stopped. He can't really take it personally because he knows how hard it can be and the changes Robert have made the past year are massive. He'd had to endure the mocking of the village for his infidelity, the repercussions of his perpetual lying from his family – and Chas - , and the judgment from the outside world but most, from himself. So Aaron lets him take his time and pushes a little at a time. One day, they'll get there.

Robert strokes his arms affectionately, "I better go then".

"See you later babe!" Aaron shouts after him jokingly when he's halfway to the bus stop, not entirely sure what the response will be, but Robert turns, taking a few steps backwards, and actually winks at him. He can't help but laugh and shake his head as he gets into his Polo.

Robert Sugden taking the bus. Some things really do change.

–

"Tomatoes. Didn't you get some?" Aaron paws through the bags of groceries already loaded in the back of the car and gets increasingly agitated as he can't find them. "Oh come on Rob. Pay attention, I told you to get some!"

"Alright. Take it easy. I'll just get back inside and get some if it's so damn important" He says calmly and hands the keys back to Aaron.

Scrappy barks a little next to Aaron and Robert leans closer, giving him a playful pad on his snout and shakes his cheeks until they wobble and saliva flies. "No, you already had too much dog food. Yes you did. I'm not getting you anymore" he teases and Scrappy yelps loudly. 

Aaron shakes his head, laughing. For claiming to be someone who's never gotten along with dogs, Robert and Scrappy seem to have adjusted well together. Sometime along the way it's become routine for Robert to take Scrappy out on his evening walks. Aaron takes him in the morning when Robert's too busy getting ready for work in Leeds. It's all very familial. 

The trio are too caught up in each other to notice someone's walked up to them.

"Aaron?"

He hasn't heard it in years but it's all too recognizable and he turns to see if it's really true, face dropping and body becoming tense at the realization that it is. "Dad" he manages to push forward behind a gulp, the word is as strange to him as the face standing before him. Behind him he can feel Scrappy settling down and Robert towering over them both. It's a thing Robert does. Whenever he's unsure or backed in a corner, or protective as he is now- he stands tall, revealing his full length, none of that hunching he usually does. He stretches his shoulders back and puffs his chest. He's doing it now and Aaron feels grateful. It's comforting.

"I wasn't sure it was really you. You look different" Gordon states tentative, eyeing him up and down in silence, like he's seen him for the first time. Aaron is doing the same. It's been nearly ten years since they last saw each other. His father's hair is more grey, thinner, and he looks shorter. Or Aaron is the one who got taller.

"Yeah" is all he can think of to say, digging his fists deep into his jacket pockets. It's uncomfortable and neither one of them really know what to do.

Robert's professional side seem to kick in and he reaches his hand forward and shoots off a perfect Colgate-smile that he must have perfected in the mirror for all his meetings with clients. "I'm Robert".

"Gordon" The man nods respectfully and it's the kind of respond Robert usually elicits in people when he wants to. 

Aaron quickly glances back. "He's my...partner" he says after contemplating what word to use. They live together and boyfriend seems like such an inadequate word for what they are. What surprises him the most is the provocative tone he's just used, as if he wants to rub it in and make him as uncomfortable as possible. 

His father doesn't bat an eye however, and Aaron contemplates if he thinks they're in business together. But the two of them together grocery shopping with a dog speaks its own truth. Gordon's non-reaction isn't what he's used to. There's a reason he spent his youth hating himself. The homophobia came from somewhere and it wasn't from his mother.

"How you been then?" Gordon tries as his attention focuses back to Aaron. 

Aaron sways a little, breathes harder, trying to control the emotions shooting through him from seeing his so called father again. He can feel Robert moving an inch closer. "Good yeah" he nods once, head slightly tilting down and brows furrowed. There's really no point in dragging up all the shit he's gone through to a complete stranger. And the last year has in fact been really good. "This is Scrappy" he nods sideways towards the dog when he becks for attention. 

Gordon smiles a little. "That's a funny name".

He clears his throat. "Yeah, well, we...I...have a scrapyard with my best mate. He's our guard dog." He's his guard dog. His everything really. He's not sure where he'd be if it hadn't been for Scrappy keeping him safe all of last year. 

"You always did like dogs" Gordon muses and Aaron digs into memories he hasn't touched in ages. A neighbours dog he used to take for walks as a kid. A tiny terrier. Fiona? Or maybe that was the owner's name.

Robert bends down a little and silently plays with Scrappy again.

Aaron clenches his lips. "You ok then?" he asks despite himself. 

"Yeah yeah" Gordon quickly nods. Too quickly. He kicks at the ground a little and Aaron recognizes the behaviour within himself. "Sandra and I split though. Been on my own for a couple of years now, but yeah it's good. So, you seeing your mum much then?"

"We live close. She owns the pub in the village".

"That's nice" Gordon nods again, with some over enthusiasm that mostly seem fake. They seem to have run out of generic topics as it becomes quiet. "Well...uhm...it was good seeing you again Aaron. Take care of yourself, yeah?"

Aaron nods. "See ya"

Gordon backs away the same way he came, a polite smile on his lips as he nods a goodbye to them both. Robert is right there, pushing him. Like he always does. Whether or not it's in a good direction. "Come on. Your birthday. Ask him".

Aaron gnaws on his lip. Contemplates it and finally decides to take a leap of faith. "Gordon! Wait!" He takes a few quick steps forward as his father turns. "We're having a birthday do Saturday in the pub. Come if you want" he shrugs his shoulders, filled with hesitation. "Or not".

Gordon stares at him. "It's your 25th right?" He smiles wider this time, like it actually means something. "I'll be there".

"Ok" Aaron's heart is suddenly speeding.

\--

"He's not gonna come" Aaron shakes his head and tries looking more casual and less disappointed about it than he really is. Robert's hand is on his neck. "Why did I let you talk me into this?"

"Will you stop fretting, it'll be fine. If he shows he shows and if not, just forget about him and start celebrating your birthday" Robert's been trying to calm him all day to no avail and he can hear it in his tone that he's about to give up. Even Scrappy's been staying extra close all day. 

"You know what" Andy says unexpectedly from the table next to them. "I actually think you and I have met him before" he ponders, eyes blinking as if he's contemplating something. 

Robert frowns. "What, when?"

"Outside the pub. He and Chas were having a row after he dropped Aaron off and I think you might have given him a mouthful" Andy laughs.

"Oh right. Well, one, that just made me sound like a complete cradle snatcher and two, well, some things never change" Robert laughs.

Aaron tries getting engaged in the story but he just can't. "I'm gonna get a drink. Do you want anything?" he asks getting up and Robert shakes his head no.

"He's nervous" he can hear Robert telling Andy after he has left, obviously not as low as he should have. 

Aaron looks back at them and he can see the genuine smiles from both brothers. Considering the place they were at when Robert left the village, it's amazing to see. Andy's been a good friend to them both. Without his support, Robert would probably not have gotten so far.

The pub suddenly feels crowded and the urge for a cig is stronger than for a drink. Out of habit, he looks for Scrappy but soon remembers he's left at home tonight.

It takes him a couple of tries to get his cig lit and he inhales deeply. The cold feels good against his cheeks, it hits him awake and alert. He hadn't expected to feel like this about meeting his dad again. To even call him that doesn't exactly sit right and he's been alternating between dad and Gordon ever since they met him. There was a moment when he actually contemplated calling him and disinvite him but Robert somehow talked him around by pushing his emotional buttons and telling stories of his own father and regrets.

"Hey" Robert says softly, snaking an arm around his waist as he sits down next to him on the icy wooden bench, somehow having snuck up on him.

Aaron falls into the embrace, blowing some smoke out, making sure it won't hit Robert. "I know I've been a pain these last few days" he sighs, pressing his back closer to Robert's chest, head leaning back slightly. 

Robert chuckles - they both know it's true. "It's ok" he smiles, tightening his grip around him, letting him know he's there. It's in the non-verbal support where Robert cares the most, causing the people who don't know him to think he doesn't care at all. You can't hear it or see it, but you can feel it. 

Aaron finishes his cig. "I hate that it means so much to me you know. I really don't want it to". He's scared that he won't show up, but even more of his feelings if he will.

Robert squeezes his shoulder, nestling his nose into his hair above his ear, whispering, "I can take your mind off of things if you'd like".

Aaron scoffs. "Yeah good luck with that."

"I don't need luck" Robert smiles, kissing his temple. 

Aaron scoffs. ”Right, let's get up before I freeze my arse off”. 

\--

"Chas turn it down!" Robert demands when they get back in the pub and Aaron frowns at the excitement in his voice, unable to sort out what it all might be about.

"Turn it down yourself!" she shouts back but does as he says when Robert gives her a pleading look. The pub quiets down around them and Robert clears his throat. It feels awkward having all that attention on them. 

"Aaron. Ok, please don't hate me now. But I did a thing" he has his hands in front of him as if they were a protective shield for Aaron's potential wrath and a hopeful look in his eyes. 

"Never good coming from Robert" Victoria mumbles and Aaron frowns instinctively.

"Alright alright” he hushes Victoria. ”Aaron, it's your 25th so I wanted to surprise you. Living with you has been the happiest months of my life. So..." he says, fishing out a key from his pocket, deepening Aaron's wrinkles. "Here comes the part that I don't want you to hate because I made a decision behind your back.” He bites his lip before continuing, ”I bought a house for us. Jacobs Fold".

"You what..." Aaron blinks and he can feel his jaw hanging ajar like some silly cartoon, he's completely stunned.

"Don't hate me".

"I don't" he shakes his head as soon as he can wrap his head around it, eyes filled with disbelief. "Can we afford it though?"

"Why else do you think I take the fucking bus? I could have splurged on a car!” Robert exclaims loudly before quieting, ”But a home with you...is much more impor..."

Aaron doesn't let him finish the sentence before he got him wrapped in a tight hug. Robert's right, he should be mad at him for making life decisions without him, but how can he when he made such a perfect one?

”Oy, that means we'll be neighbours then Aaron!” Sam grins, raising his pint. 

"Flippin' heck Rob, for a minute there I thought you were gonna propose" Vic says as she walks past them to the bar.

Chas turns the music back up again, Aaron can't tell if she's annoyed or happy as she presses a smile in his direction. She's never been Robert's biggest fan but these days they at least get along if they have to. 

"In a pub full of people, I wouldn't dare." he says directing it at Aaron before looking around. "I do dare this though" he whispers and places both his hands on Aaron's cheeks, long fingers carding through soft beard, and gives him a kiss, showing Aaron what he's been waiting so long for. "Happy birthday monkey" he sighs, leaning their foreheads together. He's pretty sure Sam is whooping at them. 

Aaron's heard of hearts bursting with joy but never really grasped the meaning until this moment. He pulls Robert in for another kiss and let's his lips linger on his when he says "Thank you".

They're interrupted by a cough coming from the door. "Sorry...I..." Gordon looks awkwardly in their direction and Aaron tangles himself loose and presses the key into Robert's chest.

"Hiya. You made it then" He can tell how ridiculously nervous his voice sounds. 

Gordon is still staring at Robert behind him who is now occupied talking to Victoria. "Said so didn't I" he clears his throat, looking back at Aaron. 

Aaron nods towards the bar. "Pint?"

Gordon nods and throws a glance in Chas's direction who's, even though it's her night off, helping out behind the bar.

"Hiya Chas"

"Gordon". She picks up a glass. "How are you?" she asks, trying to sound politely. She hadn't been too thrilled about meeting her ex again when Aaron had told her about inviting him. 

"I'm well thanks. You?"

Some further pleasantries are exchanged before Aaron suggests they get a table. The party goes on around them but not even a drunk Adam seem willing to disturb them as they sit and talk. Aaron's convinced he has Robert to thank for it. 

"I wasn't sure I was gonna come. I almost didn't" Gordon admits. "It's been such a long time Aaron" he responds when noticing Aaron's frown.

"Yeah well, this is awkward for me too" Aaron shifts in his chair, it's his turn to tell the truth. "I'm not sure I would have gone after you if Robert hadn't pushed me to it".

Gordon nods and looks over in Robert's direction. He seems to gnaw on the inside of his cheeks, thinking a bit too hard on something. "You've been together long then?" he asks finally, sounding less interested and more concerned. 

"About a year. Well, nearly two, depends how you count it". Aaron takes a sip of his beer and wipes away some foam caught on his upper lip.

Gordon takes a deep breath and coughs a little. "Right" he nods and wipes his hands on his jeans, still staring at Robert.

It only lasts half a second but it's enough for Aaron to catch something in Gordon's eyes that sends him frowning, feeling a wave of disgust roll through him. It's all too familiar and he's seen it before. During the hateful words and slurs and comments. Not to him, never to him, but to teach him a lesson of Gordon's idea of right or wrong. To people of colour, to men holding their boyfriend's hand, to people dressing differently. To anyone that wasn't like them.

Aaron swallows. Ten years on and the look that then was confusing to him, now turns his insides to ice. His father holds a stronger grip over him than what's comfortable and he despises him for it.

"Why are you really here?" he hisses and suddenly feels sick about it all.

Gordon stops mid-drink and puts the glass down. "You invited me" he says, scrunching his eyebrows.

Aaron shakes his head. "Nah, that wasn't just some random meeting the other day."

"Son, I.."

"Don't call me that" Aaron interrupts, shaking his head. "I haven't been for years." That thought and his feelings from earlier in the week clashes ironically and it makes him laugh with a puff of breath.

"Alright" Gordon says calmly.

Maybe it's stupid and juvenile but he's riled up now and he knows that his next words out of his mouth is provocative to someone like Gordon, but it's exactly what he wants. "You know, me and Robert live together. Sleep in the same bed. We have sex".

"W-w-why are you telling me this?" Gordon stutters and breathes a little heavier, eyelids flickering. 

"Because it's the truth of who I am" Aaron says through gritted teeth. "I'm exactly what you hate".

"Don't you think I know that?" Gordon scoots closer to the middle of the table, his voice more grim. "I've known exactly who you are since I read about you in the papers. You're a thug and disgrace to my name".

Aaron laughs again, narrowing his eyes at Gordon. "You haven't got a clue of who I am".

"I know enough. And you're right, it's what I hate. But what I hate even more is having to follow you, watch you play some sick version of happy family, watch you be everything I load and then having to ask that person for bone marrow. But I can't do it. I can't sit here and pretend that my insides doesn't curl to knots of what I saw when I got here. My own son. Doing that with other men. You're no part of mine anymore. And I don't want a part of you back".

Aaron fights to not let the words get to him and his jaw is aching from the clenching it does. "So you're sick then. That's why you're here." Gordon just stares back at him. "I think it's best you go now. As you said, you don't want a part of me and you sure as hell aren't getting anything."

Gordon stands, sweeps the last of his beer and leaves, leaving a few question marks from the others when he doesn't say anything. 

It's not until Gordon is gone that he dares moving from his spot and he rushes to the bogs, scared that he's gonna be sick. But he's not and he ends up slamming his fist on one of the stalls.

"Hey hey, what's the matter?"

Robert is there again, just like before and he pulls him in for a hug. "I'm so fucking stupid" he cries into his chest and the grip around him tightens.

-

Aaron refuses to let everything with his father cloud his mind and to his best efforts he tries blocking it all out but there's too much stress attached to it and he finds himself back with Sheila for a few sessions. It's been over a year but she's as calm and understanding as he remembers her. 

Time flies and it's not long until the big moving day rolls around. Robert's been going on about it nonstop since it became official, switching houses back and forth to make it ready. He insisted they would renovate the place before moving in and Aaron really did try getting involved with colour schemes but there are just too damn many shades of green and in the end Robert gave up on even asking. It doesn't bother him too much, as long as they'll end up living together, it doesn't matter what colour the walls are. 

The new shower got installed yesterday and Robert insisted they'd move right away, even though it's on his birthday. "Well what better way to spend my 31st ey?"

They're both up at the crack of dawn to get most of it done as soon as possible. Paddy stops by and help them with a few boxes even though they insisted they could do it all themselves. It's not as if they have a lot of furniture to move. The ones they do have are in flat packs waiting to be assembled.

"Are you actually gonna do some lifting or what!?" Aaron barks when he's carrying the fifth box through the door and Robert is still lingering in their new living room. The shade is moss green.

"Yeah yeah, I'm getting there. Just wanna enjoy the space before we start shifting boxes into it"

"Which are all yours" Aaron puts down the box with some effort and wonders where all the books suddenly came from.

To both their surprise, some things were actually sent back to him after the Whites left. Robert was sure Chrissie would have burnt all of his remaining things.

Paddy enters with a box Aaron doesn't recognize. "It's left from when you lived at ours" he explains. 

"Hang on, you actually kept some of my stuff?" Aaron asks surprised and takes the box from Paddy's hands and puts it on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah it's yours innit. Never thought you had the room before so I kept it".

”Cheers Padders” Aaron goes through it with amusement and Robert picks up a cap and his old silver chain. "God lord I'm moving in with a chav!"

Paddy laughs. "You should have seen him! Slacks always tucked into his socks."

"And it was a great style on me" Aaron states cheerfully. 

"Yo!" Robert crosses his hands, sporting the cap. Aaron guesses it's the first time in his life and he shakes his head at the ridiculous sight. 

Left in the box are some old textbooks, various knicknacks, a football calendar and some posters of both half naked women and some of football players that he used to keep on the walls of his room.

Robert holds both of them up. "What the heck is this?" He shakes the one with a girl pressed seductively against a car.

"A cover up for that one" Aaron says and flicks the poster of the football player. 

"Really. That is so tacky"

"Oy I was seventeen and he's fit ain't he?"

Robert looks at the posters. "They both are really".

"Alright alright" Aaron snags the posters out of Robert's hands. "I'm sure Paddy doesn't wanna hear all of this"

"No I agree, she was actually quite fit. Ni-nice bosom" he adds with a hand gesture.

"Alright! Thank you for your input!" Aaron closes the box quickly.

It takes them a good few hours more to get somewhat organized and in the late afternoon most of their family has turned up. Diane sets to organize the kitchen while Vic has brought food she is now preparing while swearing about not finding the right utensils.

Adam and Aaron are trying to assemble the kitchen table and Paddy is having fun trying to pronounce its name.

Robert is upstairs unpacking his wardrobe. "Aaron, you don't mind if I take an extra closet do you?" He's already given him extra space. 

Chas has just finished her first tour of the house. "I like the green in here" she says and Robert who's just come downstairs overhears it and clenches his fist into a victory gesture. Aaron rolls his eyes.

"I hope you're thirsty!" Andy shouts as he enters, juggling some boxes of beer which Paddy quickly takes from his hands.

A few minutes later they're all squeezed around the new dinner table, passing plates around. Aaron tries concentrating of what they're talking about, but their voices soon fades away into a soft cacophony and he finds himself staring at Robert on the other side of the table, deep in conversation with his brother.

It's the first time he'll live alone with someone he loves. It nearly makes him feel like a proper adult, at least that's what the accompanying garden tells him and he wonders how many more times they'll all be gathered around this table. In his and Robert's home. Their home. It's a new feeling and it's scary but most of all exciting.

Robert catches him staring and he smiles at him, giving him a soft wink right before Diane breaks out in a Birthday song. 

\--

"The view over the fields isn't too bad from here!" Robert shouts from the bedroom later that evening when they're all alone again and Aaron takes the stairs, two steps at a time. "The sun sets beautifully" Robert is still looking outside, arms spread high on both sides of the window, making him look incredible tall.

Aaron smiles at his own view and can feel the love rushing through him. At times like these it dawns on him just how much he loves Robert. How he can't even help himself. There might have been a time when he wanted to, but not at this point. At this point it's perfect. They're perfect.

He walks up to him and wraps his arms around him tightly, digging his head into his shoulder blade, the smell of his soft sweater lulls him into a peaceful bliss. Robert tilts his head back and sighs contently and he feels him enjoying the embrace just as much as he does.

"Happy birthday my love" Aaron whispers.

"Best one yet" Robert says quietly, dropping his own arms over Aaron's, still not turning around. "I love you" he whispers as the sun disappears behind the horizon. 

Robert Sugden is 31 years old and life is good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having them call each other babe/monkey/love, I'm not sure if that would work in canon (at least it's hard to imagine, although - please give it to me!) but I like to imagine that after a couple of years they'd have some sort of petname for each other. What couple doesn't? 
> 
> Out of all the chapters, this is probably my least favourite one, so I hope I won't lose you after this haha.  
> I'm MUCH more happy with what's to come! :D


	4. 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used to work in a office like Robert's haha. 
> 
> I'm so proud of my scruffy little teddy bear in this chapter.

_He shakes his head, silence falling between them. "I can't believe Aaron's dad said those things" he says quietly, irritation digging its claws into him and he pushes it away the best he can. Like he always does. He wishes he could say times has changed, but he's not sure they have. Not really, not where it counts. In laws and companies, then sure, but this world will always be filled with assholes._

_”Mmm” she sighs, placing both her hands on top of the cane in front of her. "We all saw his obituary in the paper a few years later. Aaron never said much about it though"._

_"Did he blame himself?" he fiddles with his zipper. It's a feeling that's all too familiar to him and he's not sure he would have handled the situation very good._

_"Aaron blamed himself for a lot of things but thankfully, that wasn't one of them. I think he knew some wars weren't worth fighting for"._

_He's happy to hear it. "So, how long did they stay in their house then? I mean, I know he didn't live here all his life"._

_”That's true, but that's jumping way ahead dear. They enjoyed their house, they did”. The old lady blinks a few times. "Just not as long as we had hoped for"._

**33**

Aaron presses on the entry phone to Robert's work. It beeps and a female voice answers within a few seconds, the crowd from the street is making it hard to hear but he's heard it numerous times before. It's a friendly ”Welcome to Taylor and Wright” and then a "Welcome in" after he's said his name. 

Aaron rolls his eyes at the rehearsed dialogue and takes the stairs up to the first floor as soon as he's allowed in. It's not a big building but it's old and fancy and in the city centre of Leeds, which probably makes it expensive. He's sure Robert has given him the exact figure.

Linda smiles when she sees him behind the glass door and opens it with a buzzing sound.

"Hello, I didn't hear it was you!" she laughs with a perfect pink smile and Aaron wonders how it's possible to be so cheery all the time. The few times he's been here, Linda has always been the perfect host. She peers at her screen, her long lashes appearing heavy as she looks down. "Robert's in a meeting right now, do you want some coffee while you wait?"

He stares at the black bowl of candy canes, the only hint of Christmas in the office, and he can't decide if it's there just for show or to eat. Stuff to fill spaces and make things look good. Robert likes that and the black bowl reminds him of the weird ornament he's placed in their hallway, which frankly would look better up at Home Farm than in their cottage.

"Nah you're alright, ta". He takes a seat in one of the posh designer chairs while he waits and absentmindedly flips through some financial mags displayed on the table before him. He nods friendly at a few of Robert's colleagues walking by and tries recalling if it was the office Christmas party last year or the summer barbecue he met them at. Maybe both. He should have just waited in the car. This place with all its fancy interior and men in expensive suits always makes him feel out of place and he's fully aware just how different he and Robert are. It's a feeling that's been creeping up on him a lot lately. In the beginning they were too caught up in the affair to notice, maybe they did but it wasn't important at least. Later on they were too in love to care. But now, as they've settled in somewhat, it's evident. From their closets, to their jobs and the way they eat and talk and even move.

Robert doesn't see him when he comes hurrying down the stairs and heads straight for the reception desk. "Linda, can you post these for me. For Stevens".

She gives him one of her perfect smiles again and he wonders how much of it is faked. "Absolutely" she says and nods in Aaron's direction. "Your better half is here".

Robert turns, looking surprised. "Hey" he glances down at his golden wristwatch. "Didn't realize the time. I'll just go grab my coat ok".

He's gone before Aaron has a chance to nod. He carefully puts the magazine back on the table, afraid to mess up the neat order it was displayed in. Standing, he's wrecking his brain to find something to say to Linda. "Doing anything nice for Christmas then?" he asks awkwardly. Carrying out small talk is not his thing and during their Christmas parties, Robert has been there to ease him in to conversations.

Linda is the perfect receptionist though and takes helm of the conversation. "Going south to see the family. What about you two? Robert tells me Victoria and Adam are getting married".

"Uhm, yeah" he frowns, surprised that she seems to know about their friends. Perhaps Robert talks more about his personal life than he had thought, he'd figured it was just numbers and profits. There's no time to say anything else before Robert comes hurrying down again, one arm still trying to shuffle in to his coat.

"Right Linda, I am off. You have a nice holiday" he smiles and shrugs the coat on.

"You too" she replies back as they're already half through the door, Robert's hand placed on the small of Aaron's back.

\--

"What do you think? Which one?"

"Uhm" Aaron stares at the crystal bowls in front of them, trying to wreck his brain for the answer Robert might wanna hear. One, he's been told, has specks of Granny Smith-green with rounded edges and will look great on a dining table and can double as a vase. The other, is more oblong and suits a side table holding fruit or is just pretty on its own. He doesn't understand the purpose of a bowl with no real function. "I..." he says and throws Robert a side glance. "Do you really think this is Adam and Vic's thing?" It had to be said.

Robert shakes his head and throws out his arms as if he'll give up any minute. It's the fourth shop they've been in and both their patience, for very different reasons, of finding the right bowl is starting to wear thin. "Well I told Vic to get registered, but she didn't listen, so they'll just have to accept whatever we get them"

"Yeah, but a bowl though?"

"What's wrong with a bowl?"

Aaron raises an eyebrow in Robert's direction. "Can you really see them using it?"

The moment that follows consists of Robert staring at the two bowls in front of them. He sighs and tries smiling. "Fine, what do you suggest?"

"Tech gadget?" Aaron hopefully smiles while Robert's own drops.

Half an hour later Robert puts his wallet back in the inside pocket of his coat and Aaron tries stifle a laugh at his sulky mood as they're watching the media center get wrapped.

"Can't believe this" Robert mumbles but doesn't stay mad for long as Aaron pinches him in the side playfully. 

The streets of Leeds are filled of last minute Christmas shoppers, the same Christmas songs keep streaming out of the shops and everywhere you look there are stressed people bustling about, their eyes half a second away from displaying full on panic.

They once made a pact to never go shopping together but during Christmas they just have to bite the bullet. "Aren't you glad we picked today out of all days to go shopping" Aaron says sarcastically and shifts the big box in his hands that keep slipping from his grip. They're both to blame really, between both working a lot, they're experts at putting things off. It's a wonder they even manage to keep their house clean. Robert's been nagging about getting a cleaner but the embarrassment and mocking they'd have to endure has made Aaron say no every time. Unlike the city, their home is hardly decorated. Not like last year, then Robert went all out, first Christmas and that, he said. This year neither can really be bothered.

Robert pushes his shoulder strap a bit further up his shoulder and turns to Aaron. "Come on, give it here".

As the box shifts hands and Robert's bag almost falls off his shoulder, Aaron's phone rings, the sound almost inaudible in the crowd. Stressed, he answers without looking at the caller ID and he lifts up Robert's strap again. "Aaron".

It takes him a few seconds to recognize her voice. "Oh hi'ya Sheila. Yeah, yeah it's been a while" He says and puts his finger in his ear to hear better as she continues talking. Robert is frowning curiously. He answers with a shrug and continues listening.

"I'm really sorry that this is such a short notice Aaron, but take the holidays to think it over and if there are any questions, just call me. I really do think you'd be great".

"Ok, yeah, uhm. Mm hmm, no I'll think about it. Once a week right? Yeah, ok. Right, ok I'll check it out. You too. Bye"

Robert is staring at him now. "Well?!"

Aaron blinks a few times, trying to collect himself from the strange phone call. He hasn't talked to her in over a year or has it been two already? The last time was after the ordeal with his father, a chapter he'd rather erase but one that she had helped him accept. "Sheila wants me to be a group leader for an LGBTQ youth group her health center is organizing." he says, sounding as surprised as he feels. 

Robert looks slightly shocked. "Wow" he says slowly. "What kind of group?"

"I just said".

"No but like why are they there, what's the need?" he clarifies, pushing the box up.

"I didn't even think to ask. She'd send me an email".

...

The conversation with Sheila is all he can think about in the days to come and even Christmas day doesn't hold enough of a distraction for him to stop going over it, weighing all the pros and cons a 100 times more.

"You're just going around in circles now" Robert opens the fridge door and snags a bit of cold turkey as he listens to Aaron's insecurities. "I think you should do it" he says and pops the meat into his mouth, Scrappy barking beside him. His sight might not be what it used to but he still got an appetite and feels the smell of food every time they open the fridge. "It would be a good experience I reckon. You're a better listener than talker so who knows, you might actually be good at it" he teases and Aaron punches his arm and opens the fridge too, feeding Scrappy a slice of the dead bird.

Between Robert's eagerness to impress as first time Christmas hosts and Victoria's contributions, it's filled with leftovers and he doubts they have to cook for at least a week. Yesterday had been a full house of Dingles, Kirks, Bartons and Sugdens coming and going and at the end of the day they'd both fallen asleep in front of the telly, Robert on Aaron's lap. Now all that was left was cleaning up but neither was too keen, even after having their morning coffee, which Robert made as usual. Somehow he always made it taste better.

"I don't know" he bites his bottom lip and finds the plate of assorted cheeses pushed to the back of the fridge. "What do I have to offer?" He's not smart and doesn't offer people a shoulder to cry on or is even that bothered hearing about their problems. He still got some issues himself, so why on earth would Sheila even consider him?

Robert offers him the packet of crackers, there's mostly broken pieces left. "Don't sell yourself short" he slowly shakes his head, a crooked smile following and his hands grips at his waist "You're kind and you always believe the best in people." Robert looks down, almost appearing coy. "You believed in me" he smiles, letting one hand grip Aaron's neck to play with his hair, turning the situation into lust before too many somber memories gets the chance to enter both their minds.

"Alright" Aaron nods, biting into a cracker with Blue Stilton, something Robert had taught him to like. "I'll do it" He must be mad but maybe Sheila is right, maybe it would be good for him. Who knows, he might even enjoy it.

”That was easy” Robert laughs. "Good for you" he beams and comes seductively close, hands soon circling Aaron's waist. "I think we should skip this mess a little longer and celebrate".

They do. Twice.

\--

On New Years Eve there's another mess in their kitchen in the form of a nervous Adam pacing around the kitchen island.

"Mate you need to calm down" Aaron laughs and takes another sip of his beer, stilling his own nerves. "Here" he holds another bottle for Adam to take, which makes him at least stop to look at him.

"What kind of bestman are you? I-I-I can't drink beer now. She'll smell it on me before I even step into the church." he yells. 

He knows he shouldn't, but the slight panic in Adam's voice makes him laugh. "It's not hard Adam, you just have to stand there and say yes".

"And if you don't, I'll kill you" Robert chip in as he comes in to the kitchen, voice so neutral that it's hard to tell if he's joking or actually being serious. 

"Real helpful Rob" Aaron takes Robert's arm that's fiddling with the cufflink and helps him get the silver button in order before he makes sure Robert's collar sits straight. He turns and Robert does the same for him, pulling on his jacket, brushing some dried hair gel and dog hair off of his shoulders. They're both in blue suits, Robert's a little darker than Aaron's which is made to match Adam's.

"What can I say? She's my kid sister. Of course I'm gonna kill him if anything happens to her...what?!" He asks when Aaron cuts him off with a stern look.

"It's alright. I'd kill me too" Adam confirms and decides that one small beer won't hurt to calm his nerves. He's about to take a gulp of his beer when Scrappy comes into the kitchen, head hanging low and looking ashamed in the way only dogs can. "Holy...you really are gay aren't ya?!".

"Told ya" Aaron comments dryly to Robert who gets down on his knees, ignoring them both. 

"Don't listen to them. We know best, don't we. Yes we do" he scratches behind the dog's ear and adjusts the matching bow tie he's wearing. "Haters gonna hate".

"Whaaaat?" Adam mouths to Aaron and gets a head shake and a shoulder shrug in return. Clearly, he's not the killer guard dog he once used to be.

At least it distracts Adam long enough to stop being a nervous wreck, that and the buzz from the alcohol doing its bit because a few hours later they're in the church and the "I dos" have been exchanged.

Everyone comments on how dapper Scrappy looks and Robert is beaming in the pew when Aaron, who's at the front doing his bestman duties, looks over at him. Scrappy is sitting quietly between his and Andy's legs. Andy whispers something in Robert's ear which makes him smile even broader, teeth sparkling and eyes glistening. His shoulders look extra broad in the suit he's wearing and if it hadn't been for the fact they were in a church, Aaron would have been a lot more turned on. The newlyweds walk down the aisle, he and Finn follow and Aaron reaches out his hand to quickly touch Robert's as he passes him. Scrappy is done with sitting still and follows Aaron closely outside. He's still very much his guard dog and it becomes extra apparent whenever he's walking through a crowd. There was a time when it wasn't just a safety net but a way for him to somewhat disguise his crippled leg, always feeling slightly ashamed of showing it. These days, those feelings are nearly vanished and he's just happy to have such a loyal friend by his side. Scrappy doesn't leave him for the next hour and he even gets captured in some of the wedding photos.

"Do you know how perfect you looked in church today?" Robert whispers into his ear as they're swaying together on the dance floor. "Fell in love all over again I reckon" he grins, eyelids drooping.

"If only people knew what a sap you really are" Aaron smiles, tongue pressed to his teeth, slightly shaking his head. It was all Robert's doing they were even out on the dance floor. He'd blanked out refused to set his foot on the dance floor during the fast tunes and had instead enjoyed watching his tall and slightly awkward boyfriend shake his long limbs with both Chas, Victoria and Finn. Finn however had looked a tad frightened. "Reign your boy in will ya before he knocks someone over".

Much to Robert's delight, he'd taken Finn's advice as soon as "I got you babe" had come on and he was trying his best not to feel too out of place as he tried taking some fumbling steps round the floor. He'd never really danced at all until Robert had revealed yet another hidden side of himself at home one evening, wrapping him in his arms and moving them slowly across the living room. As cheesy as it sounded and even felt at times, he had to admit that the closeted romantic in him enjoyed it more than he would ever admit out loud. Robert however, read his mood every time and knew exactly what he was feeling.

"I love you so much" Robert continues whispering into his ear and Aaron presses a kiss to his neck, drawing in the smell of woody cologne and the sense of Robert's intoxicated body humming against his head. "We should do this".

"Do what?" he knits his brows, feeling cautious about the answer. 

Robert lifts his head in surprise and stares at Aaron, a sloppy grin making him look about ten years younger and completely carefree. It's been a long time since he's seen him like that, the wrinkles becoming deeper by each long day he spends in the office. "Get married of course" he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. 

Aaron can feel his heart skip a beat before it stops completely but before he has a chance to say anything Finn announces that they should all go outside to watch the fireworks. Robert grabs Aaron's hand and he can feel his own suddenly feeling very clammy. He snags a glass of the first waiter that passes, sweeping it in one go and exhales slowly.

Somehow his tense mood goes unnoticed by Robert who smiles back at him as they gather outside with the others.

As the third firework paints the sky in blue and yellow, Robert's hand finds the small of Aaron's back and his gaze turns to him. "What do you think then?"

Aaron clears his throat, willing the nervosity away. "What? You and I getting married?" He can't help a joking tone slipping through and he sees Robert's smile drop.

"It's not so crazy is it?" Robert's tone hopefully questions, he suddenly appears a lot more sober than he did inside and Aaron can tell how serious he really is. 

He's not sure how to respond, the idea so foreign up to just a few minutes ago, so he just shrugs and tries a smile with some sympathy written into it. "I guess I just haven't thought about us like that. We're good as we are, aren't we?"

The disappointment in Robert's features doesn't go unnoticed even though he tries covering it up with a small laugh. "Just a crazy idea. I guess I'm a bit drunk aren't I?" he smiles and Aaron feels his hand slipping away.

\---

The course to prepare for the youth group that is set to start in February is so intense that he forces them to skip celebrating his birthday as he's too tired for any fun as working full-time, driving into Leeds every other night and study on the weekends and days between is wearing him out. Robert's started working late to distract himself from coming home to an empty house too often. 

The subject of marriage isn't brought up again but there's something in Robert's mood that shifts and Aaron can't tell if it's because of the awkward wedding proposal, if you can even call it that, or the long work hours they're both putting in.

Sex hasn't been on the agenda for nearly two weeks and Aaron can't recall them going that long even when they were an affair. He'll be lucky to squeeze in a wank in the shower after work. 

It's a little after nine and some of the lights in the office building across the street is still lit. There's no one there to let him in at this hour but he knows Robert is in there, his Mercedes is still in the garage. Instead of texting, he wants to surprise him so he's stood shivering in the late January cold. He'd made sure to stand away from the street lamps just in case Robert would look out, the only thing revealing his presence is the lit cigarette and he figures he must look like a right stalker.

"Come on" he whispers around 9:20 and lights his second fag. Maybe it had been a stupid idea. Judging from Robert's previous late nights he could be here until well after eleven.

A woman and her dog passes him and both jumps as he clears his throat to make his presence known. Quickly, she whips her head around towards the noise and when she sees him she hurries away. Robert better get down before he's charged with lurking. 

It takes another five minutes before the lights are turned off and a smiling Robert exits the glass door. Aaron is about to cross the street but stops himself when he notices Robert's holding up the door and soon an equal smiling Linda follows him outside. She laughs at something Robert says but Aaron can't make out what. Before they part, she touches his arms and lets it linger a little too long for Aaron's liking.

The smile is still left on Robert's face as he crosses the street, briefcase dangling from his right arm as the other pulls the coat closer. He's heading directly towards Aaron but without noticing him.

"Hey" Aaron says when he's close enough, making Robert jump high.

"Oh jeez. Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?!" Robert yells and breathes heavily, it takes a few seconds before he can calm himself down.

"I'm sorry" Aaron laughs, flicking the cigarette stub to the asphalt. "Wanted to surprise you".

"Well you certainly did that" Robert cocks his head at him. "What for?"

Aaron fishes out a plastic card from his pocket and holds it up. "I am officially a group leader at the counseling center and I have booked us a hotel for the night to celebrate" he announces proudly and can't help the grin from spreading across his face. He's not sure he's had the same feeling of accomplishment since he passed the drivers license.

"You passed the test?!" Robert beams and wraps his arms around Aaron as he nods confirming. "Congratulations babe. This is definitely cause for celebration. We are ordering champagne up to the room” Robert insists, grabbing Aaron's hand, kissing it. 

As they walk towards the hotel, Robert keeps asking about the test and repeats how proud he is, not letting silence slip between them for even a second. Despite Robert's captivating enthusiasm, Aaron can't help the small voice pecking in his mind, wondering if Linda often works late but the question remains in his head as he decides not to ruin what's left of the evening.

\---

It's been ages since the last time he felt this nervous. As the five pair of eyes stare back at him, seemingly unimpressed he can't help feeling what a terrible idea this had been. What was he even doing here, he had nothing to offer these kids but a sad story of his past. Tomorrow he would call Sheila up and tell her he couldn't do it.

"Are we waiting for someone else?" Leya, a 15 year old with black glasses and a green strand in her blond hair, asks him, breaking the silence that had fell after they had all said their hellos.

Aaron glances quickly at the clock above the door, it's two minutes past five. "No, I guess we can start" he coughs nervously and gets up to close the door. The room is small and he presses past Jamie, the shy kid, to get to the door. He takes a deep breath and tries to calm his quavering nerves as he makes his way back to the chair, praying they haven't already sussed out what a fraud he is. It's like being back in school again. That suffocating feeling between four walls and the want to get outside.

"Alright" he sits down and picks up his notebook where he's scribbled down their names and some of the points that he and Robert had discussed last night that would be good to go over. First point: Introduction. "Right. I'm Aaron as I said. And I'm very new at this so bear with me guys" he smiles as if it would make them like him more. He really wants to tell a joke or anything to lighten the mood but it has never been his thing.

"How old are you?" Legolas, with The Lord of the Rings buffs as parents apparently, asks before he can continue. The long blond hair is missing however. 

"Uhm, I'm 27"

"You look older" Leya responds and cocks her eyebrow at him.

Aaron smiles nervously, motioning for his chin. "I guess it's the beard huh?"

"So are you a bear then?" Tina, the seventeen-year old so thin he's afraid he'll pop her arm off if he shakes her hand too hard, asks.

He shifts in his chair. "A bear? Oh right, no. I'm not" 

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Leya asks, staring at him as if she's trying to figure him out. 

"Yes" Aaron smiles. 

"Is he a bear?" Tina asks, receiving some chuckles from the others.

"No. No one's a bear." Aaron shakes his head. "To be honest, he can't even grow a beard, think he's a bit jealous of mine really" he says, receiving a laugh that makes him feel like the ice is somewhat broken.

"So that's me done then I guess. I'm Aaron, I'm 27, I'm not a bear and my partner can't grow a beard. Now let me get to know something about you". The room falls very quiet all of a sudden and everyone avoids his gaze. "Come on, this is why we're here. To share stuff right?" He looks around but not even the talkative ones seem to want to say something, Leya being very interested in her rings. 

"I'll go then" Matt, the oldest in the group, says and shrugs his shoulder.

"Great. Go for it. Who are you and why are you here Matt?" Aaron asks in his most encouraging tone that he's been practising with Paddy. It took him a few tries to get it right, grumbling is what he does best. 

"I'm Matt. I'm 19....and I'm gay" he says with a little shrug. "No one knows though. Guess that's why I'm here."

"Thank you Matt". Sheila advised him not to ask more questions than that during their first hour together and he agrees it's a good idea. Taking the step to be here must be hard enough.

Leya has other ideas though. "How come?"

"What?" Matt asks stuffing his hands in his black jacket. 

"How come no one knows?" she clarifies. 

"You don't have to answer that" Aaron interjects.

"It's fine" Matt bites his lip and scratches his cheek a little. "I play rugby and I guess I'm scared of the rejection it might cause".

"I used to date a rugby player" Aaron says before he can stop himself and he knows he's broken the rule of not getting too personal.

But it all seems worth it when Matt smiles back, looking a little happier. "Really?"

"Yeah. You might have heard of him actually. Ed Roberts?" He says, knowing Ed has made a bit of a name for himself in the rugby world after his tour to France and isn't hiding that he's gay.

"What? You dated Ed Roberts?!" Matt beams. "He's really awesome!"

After that the ice is well and proper broken and they all introduce themselves to each other - Tina, the lonely seventeen year old transsexual who can't wait to turn 18 and get to start her hormonal treatment and who had been sent here by her mother in hope to meet some new friends. Jamie, the shy eighteen year old who was out but had gotten trouble at home for it and who had been referred to this group by Sheila for support. And then there were Leya and Legolas, the two fifteen year old friends. Leya, who was openly gay, was there to support Legolas who was bi and suffered from anxiety because of it. He too had been referred to the group by Sheila.

"That's us done. What about you then?" Tina asks, folding her arms challenging after Legolas stops talking. 

"Yeah. We wanna know more about you" Leya agrees.

"Guys. This group is for you, not me" Aaron tries, not wanting to overstep the privacy line again.

"Oh come on. Give us one of them 'it gets better' speeches" Tina presses again, folding her one leg over the other. 

Aaron sighs heavily. "I'm not so sure my history will do you any good". He knows it's hard to hear even for an adult without any harder struggles.

It's when the quiet Jamie says a "Please?" Aaron can't say no any longer.

"Right. Ok" he takes a deep breath. If he's gonna do this, he better do it properly and not hold back, perhaps it can qualify as one of them 'it gets better' stories Tina had asked for. Maybe it can be good for them to hear. "I came out when I was seventeen and it was far from easy".

It takes him nearly a full 20 minutes to tell them his story about Adam, the suicide attempt, his coming out in court, being with Jackson, the accident and eventually the assisted suicide. Then the cutting and self hatred. He leaves out the rocky road with Robert and only tells them the good bits.

"So yeah you see. It does get better. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time" he nods slowly and exhales hastily, clearing his throat, trying his hardest to prevent tears from spilling.

The room is completely silent and he can see the shocked expressions on all of their faces. Leya is wiping a few tears away.

"You're suppose to be cheering us up you miserable sod!" Matt jokes, once again breaking the silence, now with words that makes Aaron's heart skip a beat. There's something so eerily familiar about them that leaves him holding his breath, unable to even think clearly for a few seconds.

"Right" he smiles shyly when he collects himself and glances at the clock again, "Time's up". He gets up and tries hiding the tear he wipes away. "Thank you so much for today. I hope I'll see you all next week".

\---

"Rob?" he whispers into the dark room that has yet lulled him to sleep. His mind keeps spinning from his first meeting with the teens and despite Robert's attempts to get him to open up about it during dinner, it's now, when he should be sleeping, that he wants to talk. "Rob. 'You awake?"

"I am now" he can hear Robert's voice pressed into the pillow, slightly annoyed.

"Good".

"What is it?" Robert shifts his body, pulling on their shared duvet.

Aaron tucks a hand behind his head, his eyes not moving from the spot in the ceiling they're fixated to. "Today was a lot harder than I thought. Told them more than I should have".

Robert turns on the lamp on the night table and Scrappy whines a little from his place on the floor. "What did you tell them then?" He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and grabs the glasses he uses when his contacts aren't an option.

Aaron bites his lip. "Everything. Well nearly. Most things about Jackson and stuff you know".

"Right" Robert scoots closer and throws an arm around his waist. "Might be a good thing don't you think? They might trust you a lot more now. Might also be good for you to talk about it more". 

"Mm, maybe" Aaron picks at the hair on Robert's arm. It's comforting but also scary how well Robert knows him. He knows he's not done talking about it, he'll never be done. It's always there like a tiny wound, only difference is that he's learned to live with it and how to handle it.

"Trust me, they will" Robert encourages and pushes his body closer to Aaron's, simultaneously lifting his arm and snuggling in his head on Aaron's shoulder. "You just gotta hang in there. Don't judge a situation from one time".

The advice makes Aaron think of something else he's been judging and he's pretty sure this isn't the best time to bring it up but he hasn't been able to let it go. "Does Linda always work late when you do?"

Robert raises his head a little and his brow furrows, "What?" 

"Linda. She's in the reception isn't she? Didn't think receptionists worked late".

Robert pushes himself up from Aaron, eyes blinking in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

He doesn't want to be the overly suspicious boyfriend and it's hard to look at Robert when he continues, "The other week, when I surprised you after work. Linda was there too. And..." He shrugs his shoulders, and plays with the fabric of the cover, desperately trying to make it sound a lot more casual than it is, "...guess I was just wondering if receptionists usually work late too".

Robert's annoyed. He can tell by the half opened mouth and the frown in his forehead, one eyebrow shooting up a little higher than the other. "What exactly are you getting at here Aaron?" He sits up, broadening their distance.

Aaron props himself up on his pillows, this is not a conversation to have when you're lying down. "Guess I was just wondering if Linda isn't a bit too friendly if she stays that late with you when we both know she doesn't have to".

Robert's face ease somewhat. "She's friendly to everyone, it's her job. And she was staying late because we had to copy about a 1000 documents in a case we were working on. So yeah, sometimes even she needs to work late".

Aaron purses his lips, nodding slightly, but doesn't say anything.

"Aww" Robert chuckles. "You're jealous! I can't believe this".

"No. Just curious" Aaron folds his arms and scoffs.

"You are! You're jealous!" Robert insists and moves closer again as Aaron shakes his head, the corners of his mouth turning down. "There is nothing to be jealous about babe" he says softer and wraps his arms around Aaron, nuzzling his nose into his neck. "You're my man. Everything I need and want is right here".

He knows he should be reassured by it, but Aaron hardly sleeps that night. Despite Robert's secure arm across his body.

\---

It takes about five meetings until Matt announces to the group "I think I'm ready. I've been thinking a lot about it these last few weeks".

Aaron folds away his notes and sits back in his chair, listening intently as Matt goes on, uninterrupted from the rest of them. He can't help but feel like a proud parent of how far his little group has come in just a few weeks. They've learned to respect and listen to each other. They've laughed and shared stories. They've even felt comfortable to sometimes cry with each other. Even Jamie drops more and more words into their conversations.

It's rewarding and humbling, and he spends a lot of late nights going over the notes that he scribbles down during their meetings. Little reminders of who said what or a problem they're having or something good that happened to them. He's online searching for therapy techniques he can adapt to the group and he's meeting Sheila and taking courses at the center for youth leaders.

"Wow. Home earlier than me ey" Robert's tone leaks with bitterness under a false smile as he walks through the front door, dropping his briefcase in the hall next to the expensive side table.

Aaron ignores the comment, not wanting to deal with Robert's fowl mood. They've both been working late, neglecting each other in the process and been too tired to even connect in any way. He's not sure how they've ended up here.

He can hear Robert mumbling from the kitchen, obviously not wanting to let it go. Aaron sighs and pushes himself away from the computer, sauntering into the room. "Right, out with it".

Robert's tie is loosened and the two top buttons of his shirt opened. He looks tired. ”Nothing” he shrugs his shoulders and stares at Aaron with blank eyes, mouth slightly open, his head shaking a little. He retrieves a beer from the fridge, some liquid spilling on his hand as he opens it. He hands another one to Aaron. ”I just had a shitty day at work” he says and presses a kiss to Aaron's forehead as he passes him before heading upstairs. 

Things remain somewhat frosty between them up till Vic's birthday party. Even when they finally manage to find time for sex it's more about going through the motions than actually feeling much else than a need for release. 

They're definitely in a rut and getting out of the house and going to Vic's bash will do them good. Aaron's is gathering his things and getting ready to leave when he hears Matt's voice behind him. 

”Aaron, can I talk to you?”

Aaron looks up from his notes, surprised to see that Matt hasn't left. ”Yeah sure” he motions for him to sit down. It's the first time he's been alone with anyone from his group and he shifts in his chair, thinking it must be something important if he wants to talk with him alone. Out of the five in the group, he's the one he can see the most of himself in, the fear of it all, trying to get with girls to fit in, the stupid challenges with friends to be accepted. Minus the anger. Matt is a lot more mellow than he was. 

Matt wipes his palms at his trousers, looking more nervous than he normally does. ”Something the matter?” Aaron asks, trying his best to sound supportive. It seems like they've talked about so much in the group already and he can't figure out what it could be that's making Matt nervous. 

”I told my friend” he finally admits, shaking as he says it. ”Just one. Made him swear not to tell anyone else” he swallows. 

”And how did it go?” 

”Went alright I suppose” Matt shrugs, resting his one foot on his knee and biting his thumb nail. 

”Matt, is there a reason you didn't wanna share this with the rest of the group?” 

”I guess I feel a bit stupid”

”What for?”

Matt chuckles. ”I don't know. I guess I'm a bit disappointed. I know, it's stupid. But I really thought there would be more of a reaction. Here I've been working myself up for it and then when I finally get it out, he's all chill about it like it's nothing”

Aaron smiles. ”Well, that's a good thing innit?”

”Yeah I know. Like I said. It's stupid. That's why I didn't wanna tell the rest, I don't want them to think I'm a vain idiot or something.”

”You're hardly that” Aaron assures. ”I think it's quite natural to want more of a reaction to something that's a big deal for you. Nothing wrong with that”.

Matt nods. ”Thanks” 

Unexpectedly, they end up talking for another hour and it's the first time in weeks Aaron has actually felt himself relax and having a laugh. 

When he finally makes it into the Woolpack, he's an hour late for the party and there's a sullen look on Robert's face. Linda is next to him. ”You were suppose to pick me up and your phone was switched off” Robert explains her presence when Aaron looks between them quizzically. 

”Shit, I'm sorry” He looks at his phone and there are five missed calls on it, all from Robert, and one ”Thank you” text from Matt, who for some reason has found his private phone number. 

”There you are!” Vic exclaims before either one of them has the chance to say anything. ”We thought you weren't gonna show!” 

”I'm sorry Vic, happy birthday!” Aaron hugs her side. ”I got caught up with my group” 

”What else is new” Robert mumbles as he pushes past them on his way to the bar.

Victoria rolls her eyes. ”Oh ignore him. He just can't stand it when he's not the center of the universe” 

Aaron wants to smile at her but when he sees Linda closing in on Robert at the bar he just can't bring himself to. He overhears her saying that she should leave but Robert persuades her to stay and even puts his hands on her shoulders to make a point of how grateful he is to have her save him from taking the bus. Aaron can't help feeling that he liked him better when he was actually willing to take the bus. Back when he did it for both of them. When his ego wasn't as big and his standards not so high. 

”Wanna tell me what the hell that was about in the bar?” Aaron shouts as soon as they get home and the door is shut. 

”Don't know what you're talking about” Robert feigns his innocence. 

”Oh don't even give me that crap. You and Linda. I bet you're happy she could take you home so you could be all over her” Aaron yells, teeth gritted. 

”What you got a problem with that. It's not like we're married or anything” Robert says it in such a cold manner that all of Aaron's anger freezes and he just stares back at Robert, dumbfounded.

”I can't believe you even said that. Just because I don't wanna get married you think it's ok to play with my insecurities about Linda? You know how I feel about you and her!” Aaron's shaking his head, trying to keep the hurt at bay. 

”Thought you were too busy at your little group sessions to notice”

”You were the one that pushed me to do them in the first place, and guess what, they make me happy. They make me feel useful! And I don't mean useful like helping someone at the garage or scrapping things, I mean actual useful. Like it means something! So fuck you for making me feel bad about it!” Aaron takes a deep, seething breath before continuing. ”Have you ever thought that maybe I don't wanna marry you because you're too immature. That you can't even handle a little setback in a relationship?”

”A setback. That's what this is?” Robert finally raises his voice, and it's the first time any real emotions spill over. 

Aaron sighs, somewhat calmer. ”I don't know what the fuck this is, I just know I'm sick of it” he says before leaving Robert alone in the living room. He spends the night at Adam and Vic's place trying to clear his head of what the argument was really about. He's not sure how they ended up here in the first place, what must have gone wrong or not. He just knows he hates it and he's back in the place where all of insecurities about Robert are resurfaced. Feelings he hasn't felt since before they got together properly. It's odd to even think about and there's the gnawing feeling that what if Robert isn't made to handle a relationship? He hasn't before so why would theirs be any different? What if 'he' isn't made to handle one? 

They spend the Saturday in separate corners, Aaron fills most of the day by playing video games with Adam. There's not even a text from Robert and he doesn't text him either. It's probably best to let them both cool down. It's well after eight in the evening before he gets home to find Robert in the kitchen, packing lunch boxes to put in the freezer. Robert doesn't eat them, he spends most of his lunches at various restaurants with co-workers or clients, but Aaron does and he knows he's packing them for him. 

”Thai chicken if you want some” he says quietly as Aaron goes to stand at the kitchen counter, not even sure why he's making the first move until Robert looks at him, uncharacteristically tears brimming his eyes. Without tearing his gaze from the food before him, Robert reaches out and puts his hand over Aaron's that is placed on the counter. ”I'm sorry.” he whispers. ”I know I'm an idiot.”

Aaron sighs, not knowing how to respond. He's sorry too, for what he said and didn't say. They've been here before. They argue, they say they're sorry and things are fine again, until the next time they argue. Is this what it's meant to be like? Argue and make up? Aren't they suppose to be more than this? Aaron strokes his thumb over Robert's hand. ”I'm sorry too” he finally says, knowing it's the only thing he can say right now. 

Their Sunday is mostly spent on the sofa in front of the TV, cuddled up close and uninterrupted, until there's a knock on their door at five in the afternoon. 

”I'll get it” Aaron pushes himself up against Robert and finds an upset Matt behind the door. 

”Can I come in?”

It takes a second before he speaks, shocked to even see him here. ”Yeah, sure” He wants to ask how he found his adress and he wants to remark on how inappropriate it is for him to be here but seeing the blood shot eyes he can't really turn him down. Instead he leads him in to the living room where he makes a subtle hint for Robert to turn the TV off and leave them to it. 

”How 'bout some tea” Robert suggests without waiting for an answer before he disappears into the kitchen. 

Matt is visible shaking and Aaron tries his best not to show how out of his depth he really feels. ”Just sit down and tell me what happened” he urges gently. 

”I told them” Matt sniffles. ”I told my parents. They didn't react all that well.” He struggles with his tears, Aaron can tell. ”I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be here. I just didn't know who else to talk to”.

”It's fine. Don't worry about it”. 

Before Aaron even knows what's happening, Matt has reached out his arms and is hugging him, his own hands soon awkwardly finding Matt's back. It's in that moment Robert comes back with the two cups of tea. They both look up at him apologetically and Matt rises to his feet. ”I'm sorry I should go”.

”It's ok Matt.”

”No, I should go. I'm sorry”

Matt's voice is so distressed that Aaron's worry rises quickly. ”Can you call your friend? Can you go there?”

”It'll be fine. I'll sort something” Matt lets a strained smile cross his lips and he's out of the door again before Aaron has time to say much else. 

”I hope he'll be alright” Aaron looks on as he heads to the bus stop. 

”You can't get too attached. It already looked a bit too cozy”

”Don't be an ass Robert” Aaron snaps and shuts the door. 

Matt doesn't turn up to the group meeting the following week. Aaron doesn't read too much into it as he's probably embarrassed of how his visit had ended. But when he doesn't show up the following week either and Tina, who goes to the same school as him, remarks that she hasn't seen him for a while, Aaron can't stay away and finds himself knocking on his house. 

A woman, red hair and grey cardigan, opens the door and stares at him as he explains why he's there. 

”Matt doesn't go to counseling” she remarks and Aaron bites his lip, scolding himself for having revealed a secret of Matt's.

”Is he home? Can I talk to him?”

”No” she says dryly and without explanation, closing the door a bit more. 

”Ok, that's fine. Is everything ok though?” Aaron tries before she'll shut it completely. 

The woman sighs, looking past Aaron. ”He's gone to stay with his aunt. He's fine there”. 

”Thank you. If you talk to him, tell him that I hope he's doing well” Aaron smiles, having very little hope the message will ever reach him.

”Mm” The woman mutters before closing the door. 

–  
The conversation haunts him for the rest of the week and he can't let go of the prickling feeling that something is very wrong. He talks to Sheila about it but the only support she can offer is to talk about his feelings and not really what they can do as there is nothing to do from the way she sees it. They are not there to get personal but there to help when people are willing to receive it. It sounds harsch but he also understands her point. If she would get too involved with every one of her patients she'd go under. But it's not the same for Aaron, he only has five people to help and they're already too close for him to just stop caring. 

His worry doesn't help the already strained tension between him and Robert and he's further agitated about how little Robert seems to care when he tries sharing his problems. He's more distracted than ever when he takes Scrappy for an evening walk, trying to clear his head. He's so caught up in his own worries that he can't even hold on to the leash when Scrappy pulls at it and manages to find his freedom. It's the middle of April and the evenings are still dark, too dark to see a dog, and especially too dark for a car to see a dog running out into the street. 

The tires shriek as they come to an halt, the car standing across the road and Scrappy laying next to it. Aaron's not sure what happens after that but he knows he must be screaming because both Robert, Paddy, and Adam come rushing outside. Paddy and Adam are carrying Scrappy into the vet clinic as Robert wraps his arm around Aaron and supports him in the same direction. 

After an exam, Paddy quickly establishes there's not much he can do because of the head trauma Scrappy has suffered. The only thing he can do is make the suffering short. The dark evening suddenly seems pitch black. 

–

”He protected me so many times, and I couldn't even prevent him from running out into the road” Aaron states absentmindedly two days after the accident, curled up on the sofa. ”He couldn't even see all that well anymore. I should have held on to him tighter”. 

Aaron can feel Robert's body sit down behind him on the side of the sofa, an arm resting on his chest from behind. It's there but not really. It's an empty gesture and Aaron can feel it. He pushes Robert's hand away. ”You should go to work” he states. 

”You sure?” It's not much of a question as Robert moves away from the sofa quickly. 

”I'll see you tonight” Aaron answers with a faint smile. 

”I'll bring home some takeaway, ok?” Robert offers as an attempt to help in some small way. He may not show it in the same way as he does, but Aaron knows he's grieving too. 

An hour later he brings himself to go to work. Adam doesn't comment on the fact that he's two hours late by the time he gets there. He just continues to hum alongside the radio and tearing a car apart. The mindless job is exactly what he needs right now. It's usually good for his head that tends to overthink things. But especially now, between worrying for Matt, mourning Scrappy and being on edge around Robert it's the best thing he can do. He's called Sheila to let her know he can't do his group session this week, it's all a bit too much at the moment and she says she understands and hope he'll feel better soon. 

The week after he's back and he decides to involve the other kids in his worries. Jamie suggests they should all look for Matt, that it shouldn't be too hard to find his aunt's address and maybe they could go there together. Aaron isn't so sure how anyone would react to the five of them turning up on their doorstep but Legolas and Leya manages to persuade him. They decide to go the following Saturday, on what happens to be Robert's birthday. He says he understands but Aaron knows it's just another thing to pile on to the annoyance. He promises to make it up to him and Robert seem to settle with that. 

After a few hours drive down to south of Manchester they drive up to Matt's aunt's house that Jamie and Tina have managed to track down. It's in the rougher area of the city and the metal fence surrounding it doesn't exactly scream out its welcoming. 

”Maybe you should wait here” Aaron suggests and goes up to the house alone. He rings the doorbell but after a few minutes of wondering if it even works he knocks the door instead a few times. Still no answer. He backs away from the house and decides to peer to the back, but nothing. A neighbour steps out on the porch wondering what he's sneaking about for and explains with an annoyed voice that they're not home. 

”Do you know where they are?” Aaron tries asking friendly but it seems to annoy the neighbour further. 

”Do you keep track of every one of your neighbours?”

It's probably not the best time to say that he lives in a village of about ten houses and very nosy neighbours who always know where everyone is. Instead he makes his way back to the car and explains to the group what happened. 

”Well that sucks” Leya says defeated, disappointed their adventure has come to a stop already. 

”We can try on Monday again” Aaron suggests and the rest of them nod agreeing.

After he drops the last one of them off, he picks up a bottle of wine and a tiny cake from the nearest Tesco before driving home to celebrate his birthday boy. If he's lucky, he can still salvage some of the day, they still got most of the afternoon and evening left.

The house is quiet when he opens the door, not even the TV is on and he assumes Robert is either working like he's been doing a lot lately or he's at the pub with Victoria. He calls out his name a couple of times but there's no response and when he tries ringing him, there's a faint sound coming from the bedroom. 

”Don't tell me you've fallen asleep in the middle of the afternoon!” he calls out and puts the cake and wine down on the kitchen counter before sprinting upstairs. The door to the bedroom is closed and without hesitation he swings it open, and he stops, eyes staring and body freezing solid. Robert is buttoning his shirt, his hair disheveled and he's staring at him with the most gaunt expression. On the bed, their bed, sits Linda, with her blouse pressed to her chest, not even arms through the sleeves, the friendly pink smile long gone. Aaron's eyes darts between them. They all remain frozen to their spots until Aaron manages to push some words forward. "I better leave" he stutters and can't even be bothered to close the door again.

”Aaron, wait!” Robert calls after him and he can hear him stumble around in their bedroom, his belt still unbuckled when he catches his arm at the bottom of the stairs. 

”I'm..” Robert starts but stops as Aaron looks him in the eyes, his tears nearly spilling over. He doesn't know what to think or feel, he's completely lost. His heart is banging loudly, echoing throughout his head. ”Jeez Rob” he finally whispers and looks at Robert's hand still holding his arm. He lets go as if it has suddenly caught fire. Aaron wipes his hand across his face but can't bring himself to say anything. He wishes he could shout or punch him or even laugh at it all. But he's completely numb. Instead he simply turns – the cake on the counter suddenly looking very lonely – and walks out, closing the door behind him. 

Robert Sugden is 33 years old and once again, he's proven himself as a cheater.

 

–

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. Not really.


	5. 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron has moved on... like WAY on. But what events will make him reflect back on his life in the Dales?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some tough chapters ahead, but this one and ch 6 are my favourites :)
> 
> Uhm...pardon my French ;)
> 
> Aaron's job title is real. 
> 
> *1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Ricard_Circuit
> 
> *2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vppbdf-qtGU

_He shakes his head in disbelief, still not able to completely wrap his head around the fact how someone could do that to the person they love. It's also a painful reminder of the kiss his wife had shared with someone else, crying her drunken admission into his arm late one winter evening._

_”I think Robert spent the whole first year trying to get him back but the damage was done and there was too much pain between them for Aaron to ever go back” the woman continues her story._

_”Wait, so Aaron left him after that? But the affair, was it a one off or had he been seeing Linda for a long time?”_

_She frowns quickly. ”I'm not really sure. It doesn't matter. What matters is that Aaron left the country and soon after Robert left Emmerdale and moved closer to his job. He really threw himself into it, more than ever, it was all that mattered to him. Actually he moved down to London eventually but I'm getting ahead of myself now” the woman says with a chuckle. ”Things changed. A lot of things happen in eight years. People change"._

_”Eight years?!” he repeats shocked. ”Didn't they see each other for eight years?” If it's true what she said about them being soulmates, it seems like an awful long time._

_”I'm not sure dear. I think it might have been even longer. You should have seen Aaron during that time though. He was really something” she muses again, the sparkle back in her eyes._

**42**

–  
Aaron pulls his yellow cap a little lower, the sun is burning particularly hot for a late August day and the asphalt on the track is literally melting. He usually wears his overalls but today he's settled for a gray tshirt. The smell of burnt rubber, oil and petrol lays heavy over them as they stand watching the monitor when the car hit its 17th lap. So far so good, Aaron holds back a pending smile and adjusts his headset before retrieving his signature pose of arms folded, one hand occasionally scratching his beard. Particularly during competitions. 

”Serrez dans le virage” he speaks into the headset and the car takes the curve tighter with ease during the next lap, Aaron finally allows a content smile spreading across his face. ”Et encore” The car does it again and some cheers erupts around him, a hand even offers for him to slap. ”Très bien! Finissons!” he commands into the headset again and the car pulls into the pit stop as he finishes the 20th lap. Aaron removes his headset and quickly heads over to the driver, helping him out of the narrow car. ”Parfaitement Alain” he beams and if he'd let himself, he'd feel the taste of victory already. The whole team is behind him and they're all cheering as Alain steps out of the car, high on the success of today's test drive. After months of modifications and developments, hard work seems to have paid off. 

”It's going to work Aaron, it will be another Renault win. I can feel it!” Yann yells behind him with a thick French accent before slapping him hard in the back. 

”Alright. Let's not take out the victory just yet. There's still a long way to go” Aaron tries calming them down but his words are left unheard as the men has already opened a bottle of champagne and is cheering loudly. 

”Always such a pessimist, you're so English” Yann teases him and jumps up on a chair nearby. ”Ok, listen up!” he shouts to the group and it takes a few seconds before they still. ”There's something I need to say”. 

He looks straight at him and Aaron frowns slightly, hating the attention already. Being the lead pilot developer on one of the world's most famous F1 teams and having to deal with the press on a regular basis hasn't made his detest for the spotlight any less. If anything, he hates it more. 

”We need to raise our glasses to the man that has made this possible. Aaron, merci pour votre vision et votre travail acharné.” Aaron blushes at the praise and feels himself wanting to sink into the ground, but he can't even back away as a few of his colleagues are pushing him forward when Yann continues. ”And as a bestman, I also want to say: Let's hope you deal with married life as well as you deal with fast cars. To Aaron!” he raises the bottle in his hand and suddenly Aaron is hoisted up in the air, being bounced around on his friends' shoulders. 

”Ok, d'accord! Arrêtè!” he shouts and can't help but laugh at all the attention and commotion. He never knows what to expect from Yann and he's the complete opposite from himself. Which is probably why they get along so well. He actually reminds him a bit of Adam, carefree and always close to a laugh. 

”Papa!” A curly haired, blue-eyed four year old's shout interrupts them and Aaron is put down to the ground again in time for the child to crash into his arms. 

”Hey Lou” he beams, scooping his son up in his arms. Louis takes his cap and puts it on his own head, looking insanely cute as his eyes disappear. Aaron tilts it back with a smile. ”Now how did you get here, aren't you too young to drive on your own?” Aaron teases and retrieves a giggle from the child. 

”Non!” Louis laughs and points back to where he came from and for the first time he sees Adam alongside Sofie. 

”Mate!” he yells out and the two friends hug tightly. 

”Ah it's been too long” Adam says and hugs him even tighter. ”You look good mate” Adam grins in that genuine, heart warming, and slightly goofy way only he can. He looks back at Louis who is still on Aaron's arm. ”Can't believe this little fella's gotten so big”.

”Yeah, photos don't do them justice. Speaking of, where are yours?” he looks around, hoping the rest of the family would be there. 

”They're with Vic and Chas at the house. I think they prefer the pool to the racing track to be honest” Adam laughs, looking around. ”Looks like we came in time” he nods towards the bottle of champagne.

”Yeah. We just hit a record with the new car” Aaron smiles broadly and can finally feel himself relax somewhat, even letting himself be proud of himself. ”Come on” Aaron urges Adam. ”You need to meet Yann”.

It doesn't take long before Yann and Adam hit it off, both laughing at something the other one says and Yann offers to show an impressed Adam around the circuit. He even pulls out one of the racing cars built for two and takes him around the track. 

”I think I'm going to be sick” Adam's a slight shade of green when he steps out of the car and both Aaron and Lou laugh at him. 

”You are so mean” Sofie says. ”First time they took me around here I almost puked in the bush over there” she points with one of her well manicured fingers. ”Isn't it time you boys stop playing and go try your suits?” she suggests and reaches for Louis that is still clinging to Aaron. She kisses Aaron's cheek as Louis change arms. ”À demain Aaron. Ten o'clock. D'accord?”

”Oui” he answers distractedly, caught up in rubbing some eskimo kisses against Louis's nose, soaking up the smell he can't get enough of. ”Take good care of your mama tonight, ok? And we'll see each other tomorrow. ”

”Why can't I come with you now?” The child pouts, pulling at Aaron's heart strings.

”Because papa and Yann and Adam need to go try on their suits so we can all look as handsome as you on Saturday” he explains, stroking a curl of hair out of Louis's eye. 

”Toi aussi papa?” Louis wonders skeptical and eyes his oily clothes as Sofie has already started carrying him away. 

Aaron chuckles at the implied suspicion, realizing how rarely the kid has seen him in anything but his working clothes. ”I'll be clean, I promise!” he shouts after them and Louis laughs again. 

He can see Sofie shaking her head ever so slightly and the amused smile as she turns, ”You boys better not be late home. Stéphane is already going crazy. I feel sorry for Vic and your mother” she laughs and Louis waves after them. 

Adam throws an arm around his shoulders. ”Let the bachelor party begin” he laughs and Aaron can tell he'll ignore everything Sofie has just told them. 

They leave Paul Ricard* and head towards Marseille, taking the scenic route for Adam's benefit. The road curves with the surrounding landscape, through the exclusive suburbs and mountain hills. Every now and then the glistening Mediterranean Sea peeks through the hills and Aaron can see Adam through the rearview mirror soaking it all in, eyes closed and head leaned backwards, letting the sun hit his face. He was the same when he first moved here. It's a long way from the grey Emmerdale sky and rainy days. It's brighter. And somewhat of an easier life. The last seven years have been some of the best of his life. He has a job he loves - how he went from his place at the automobile dealer in Nantes to a famous F1 team still feels like a madeup saga several years later. He has a kid that means the world to him and then some, and he still has to pinch himself sometimes of the fact that he's actually a father. At the time it seemed like a crazy idea and he didn't feel at all ready or that they had been together for very long. But both Stéphane's and Sofie's clocks were ticking and sometime during a late night or early morning, the idea had come to them. Being nine years older than Aaron, Stéphane was feeling ready since years back. Adoption was out of the question for them for two reasons, the first being it would take too long time and with them being gay they were limited to fewer countries who would let them adopt. The second obstacle was Aaron's criminal record and no adoption agency would look past that. Sofie, who Stéphane has known since they were teenagers came with the perfect solution. A craving for a child, but too busy with her career to even consider looking for a man, she was their best option. 

And it has turned out as well as they could ever have hoped. With three parents between him, Louis, Lou, is likely the most loved kid in the whole area. He mainly lives with him and Stéphane and only stays with Sofie every other weekend. She claims it's fine and the best way but lately, Aaron has noticed how hard it is on her to leave him. She drives down from Marseille at least once a week to see them but in her eyes he can tell it just isn't enough. He could never have done it if it was the other way around. For that he'll always admire her. 

Louis charms them all, including their extended families. Chas has to make do with long Skype sessions and she finds his English accent insanely cute. They've made a habit of talking English around the house so he'd grow up bi-lingual. It's worked out well and Louis even corrects his kindergarten teachers whenever there's an English word to pronounce. 

Life has been treating him really good lately and he tries soaking up every minute of it. If there is anything life has taught him is that nothing lasts forever and you have to make the most of what you got. 

And he intends to. In less than two days he will be marrying the man he loves.

If they could just get the damn suits in order. He knew he'd been putting it off for way too long and Stéphane's been nagging him about it for about a billion times but between developing the new car and wedding stress he just haven't taken the time. Besides, Adam needed to be here. 

”I think they fit fine” Adam looks at himself in the mirror, trousers pooling at his feet. 

”But Adam, they are a bit long, non?” Yann interjects and, in French, tells the clerk to get something else.

”What did he say?” Adam whispers to Aaron and Aaron can't help laughing.

”He just asked him for trousers that aren't that long mate” Aaron explains, buttoning up his pale lavender shirt. At least he had ordered his in time, there just hasn't been any time to try it on and see so it actually fits. Luckily, it does and he can feel another stone lift from his chest. Stéphane would have killed him if it hadn't. He likes things to be perfect and he can stress out over the tiniest things. He's promised tonight won't be too late. If only he can convince Adam the same.

”Right, there is no decent beer here” Adam complains as he comes back to the table, doing a silly little dance to the music. All thanks to his fourth rum and coke. ”I don't know how you've survived this long mate” He slaps Aaron on the back, causing him to spill his drink over his hand. 

”Oy watch it” Aaron laughs. He sucks some of the liquid from his hand and takes another swig from his glass. His throat is already sore from all the shouting they've been doing, the music is way too loud to conduct a normal conversation and he's even starting to worry if he'll be able to say 'I do' come Saturday. 

The place is new and Yann was the one who found it, with the help from his wife as he made sure to point out. It didn't take long to work out what sort of place it was with a big red neon sign above the entrance and a podium in the middle of the floor. Aaron's pretty sure the place isn't for talking but rather for spending your Euros. The crowd is mixed, a few couples, some group of guys and in the other end close to the podium is a big group of girls, one of them wearing a tiara, who already seem to had one - or two - too many. 

”I need another drink” Yann slips away and Aaron notices that his glass is still half full. 

”Right” Aaron cocks an eyebrow at Adam. ”What are you two up to?” He turns around and finds Yann talking to one of the male waiters, clad only in tiny black shorts and a bowtie, and he's suddenly pointing in their direction. ”You better not do what I think you are. I'm here, isn't that enough? This isn't fun Adam!” Aaron shouts and can feel the panic rise. 

Adam leans over, closer to Aaron's ear, as the music changes and the lights dim before they start blinking in all colours. ”But look at it like this... it's fun for us” he laughs and slaps Aaron in the back again. 

The big group of women suddenly erupts in cheering and loud screaming as four ”firemen” take the stage. Yann comes back empty handed and Aaron catches the grin he gives Adam. ”I wonder how big their hoses are” Adam shouts into Aaron's ear and he can feel himself turning all shades of red.

One of the firemen is crawling in front of the women now, the bride to be stuffing notes down his boxers, one dancing in front of a middleaged couple, while the others are dancing seductively around a pole. Their clothes lay scattered around the floor and there's an array of glistening abs and sharp cheekbones that Aaron has a hard time looking at without blushing like crazy. Yann and Adam are shouting and seem to enjoy themselves more than him who mostly just want to sink through the floor. The fireman over at the women's table is now on the lap of the bride and Aaron gets even more tense, Yann's conversation with the waiter fresh in his mind. 

Luckily, the music dies before they make their way over to their place and much to the women's disappointment the firemen walks off the stage. Instead a host jumps up on the podium, mic in hand. He's wearing slightly more clothes than the rest of his colleagues in the bar but only just. 

”Ladies and Gentlemen. We have prepared a special number for you tonight – for a special person who is soon to get married.” The words have barely left the man's mouth, when Aaron slaps his hands over his face, the pleased grins on his friends' faces is proof enough that this is for him and not the bride in the front. This can not be happening. But it is, and the man continues, ”We have our military ready to protect you here” he shouts into the microphone when two guys dressed in military gear take a lap around the scene and the audience claps their hand wildly ”And we have our policemen ready to serve and protect” he shouts once more and two police men enters the stage. ”And our doctors for the faint-hearted! And our firemen if things get too hot!” The crowd goes wild as there are now eight half naked men on stage, all swaying their hips to the background music. ”But ladies and gentlemen” the host continues ”Never before have we had the need for this next man” he teases ”You see, here we like to go slow” he draws out the last word and the men around him sway their hips slower, all in unison. ”But tonight, there's a person here who has a need for something else...” the music temporarily quiets but blasts again as he shouts ”The need for SPEED!”, pointing straight at Aaron and the sound of a revving engine spills from the speakers. 

Aaron bites his tongue and he gives both Yann and Adam a stern look who is already laughing like mad, likely keeling over in any second. It doesn't get better as a man dressed in an overall from their racing team, completed with their signature cap walks onto the stage and the rest of the men start dancing around him. The music is now an old ZZ top song* completed by the sound of cars and when Aaron listens carefully he's pretty sure the engine belongs to their newest addition. Yann will have to explain a thing or two in the morning. 

He's so occupied by listening to the sound of the engine he nearly misses the man on stage ripping the overall open and revealing a very toned chest. The audience goes wild once again. He slips out his overall and before Aaron knows it, he swings his legs over the edge of the podium and is down on the floor, making a beeline to Aaron. It's then Adam sticks a big bunch of Euro notes into his hand and both Yann and Adam move their chairs away from him. The man is circling Aaron's chair and Aaron is somewhat aware of him dancing seductively around him now. He covers his eyes with his hand but it's gently tugged away by the man that moves it to his own waist as he sits down on Aaron's lap, pressing his chest very close to his face. Aaron turns away and sees Adam having trouble holding up his phone to take a picture as he's laughing so hard. ”I hate you” Aaron mouths to him and that only seems to egg Adam on. Yann isn't any better as he can't even bring himself to look in Aaron's direction, he's laughing so much. 

The music finally gets turned down but not without a final sound of a speeding engine and a dry hump from the man on top of Aaron. When he steps off, Aaron holds out the bunch of money ”Here, just take them” he says in perfect French and the man winks at him and gives him a genuine smile and well wishes for the future, dropping his character momentarily. 

”Right, you had your fun. Prepare for revenge” Aaron says as Yann and Adam dare to move closer again. 

–

”Oh my god!” Chas shouts as she sees the picture on Adam's phone that is currently passed around the table. The sound is shrilling and the hungover trio all scrunch their faces. 

”Mum, keep your voice down” Aaron pleads and reaches for his glass of orange juice. It's the only thing he can bring himself to down for breakfast. How Adam manages to tuck into his sausages is beyond him. Yann is taking tiny bites of a baguette and hasn't said more than two words – 'good morning'.

”Here, Leo, look at your silly godfather” Chas hands the phone over to the teenager and both he and Paddy shakes their head at the picture. 

”You look funny Aaron” Leo giggles, covering his mouth. 

”Yeah, I'm kinda sad we missed out on all the action now” Paddy teases.

”Just be glad you got a late flight. It was horrible” Aaron mutters when a piece of Yann's bread comes flying towards him. He's too tired to even dodge it. 

”Papa, I want to see” Lou chirps from Aaron's knee and the adults around the table shakes their heads no as Leo tries handing him the phone. 

”Papa has just been a bit silly” Stéphane tries explaining and throws a stern look in Adam and Yann's direction. He wasn't too impressed when they stumbled into the house at 4:30 in the morning. Aaron had to do some major sweet talking. 

”Come on, shall we go and look at your clothes for tomorrow?” Sofie suggests, reaching out her hand for Louis who reluctantly leaves Aaron's lap. He's been working around the clock lately and the boy is being extra affectionate towards him. 

”And I better go set up the rest of the decoration” Stéphane grabs his plate and rises from the table. He leans over to Aaron and gives him a kiss on the cheek and Aaron promises to be right in. 

Yann grunts from the end of the table and Paddy looks at him. ”There's another who has been a bit silly” he jokes and Yann wrinkles his nose at him. 

Victoria is arguing with Adam for being so late, telling him to take the kids today while she will help out with the food. Chas tries talking her in to going to the beach but even though they're catering most of the food she wants to help the best way she can. 

”You're all so tanned. Can I come live with you? Please" Chas pleads and soaks in the morning sun.

"Then who would look after the pub" Paddy asks mockingly, throwing a napkin in her direction. 

"Don't remind me. I'm still trying to find Diane's replacer" she shakes her hair and leans over to kiss Aaron on the cheek. ”Looks like it's just you and me then Leo. Let's grab your stuff and we'll head to the beach” she points down towards the water that is glistening inviting. ”What car can we take?”

”Anyone but the Mustang” Aaron answers. ”Keys at the door. Just be careful in the curves alright” he asks as they disappear into the house. The mountain curves are devious in places and can even take the most experienced driver by surprise. He'll admit he's been racing in them one time too many as they make up a nearly perfect country racing track. 

”Right” Paddy claps his hands together. ”That's them out of the way. Where do you want me?” He picks up the plates and starts clearing the table, even taking away Yann's half eaten baguette. 

”Uhm, I think we best ask Stéphane” Aaron smiles and follows Paddy inside. ”Oy, wake up” he shouts into Yann's ear as he passes him.

”So, is your mother not helping?” Stéphane asks as Aaron comes up from behind, wrapping his arms around him. 

”Trust me, it's better she's out of the way” he smiles into his neck. 

”And Adam and Yann?” Stéphane raises an eyebrow and glances out at the sun deck where they are both laying passed out. 

”I'm sure they'll come around soon” Aaron unwraps some candles. ”Where do you want these then?” he asks, averting the conversation from his friends. He knows Stéphane isn't happy with them and it's best not to dwell on it. In fact, he's not sure Stéphane has ever been happy with his two best friends. There's something in their carefree attitude that doesn't quite fit his hardworking, orderly fiancé.

”Papa, look at me. Dad, look.” Louis grins at both of them as he comes out from the bedroom, wearing a dark suit and looking very dapper. He jumps up on one of the plush chairs around the dining table. 

"Come on, not the chair" Stéphane complains and both Aaron and Lou look at each other and goes "chaaairrr", mocking his pronunciation.

”Yeah yeah yeah. Très drôle ”

Aaron snakes an arm around Stéphane's waist and leans his head against the slightly taller man's shoulder, looking at their son, beaming proudly. ”That might just be the cutest thing I have ever seen” he admits and feel his heart swell a little. 

”I know” Stéphane agrees, pressing a kiss onto Aaron's forehead. 

”Come on” Sofie says. ”Let's change, we don't want it dirty for tomorrow” Louis turns and runs back, the dark curls bouncing. 

–

”You know” Stéphane sighs and turns off the lamp besides the bed. The room turns pitch black and the house is for the first time that day quiet, apart from someone flushing a toilet in the distant. ”I think Yann and Adam might be the worst helpers I've ever seen”.

Aaron pulls the thin cover, no more needed in the Mediterranean heat, over his shoulders and crawls a little closer to his fiancé. ”Don't be too hard on them, they tried” he whispers into Stéphane's back. He's acutely aware of his feeling towards them, and today has been stressful on more than one level. Keeping everyone happy while trying to decorate a house before 64 guests turns up isn't exactly Aaron's idea of fun. Had it been up to him they would have done it with the people present today, small and quiet. But Stéphane wants to invite all of their, his, friends and his extended family. Those had been the terms from the beginning when they decided to get married last year. Because of Louis, they decided to do it for practical reasons more than anything. To Aaron, marriage wasn't important and Stéphane claimed that you could might as wells skip it when you were pushing 45. Even so, when they had decided to do it, he had said that they might as well go all out. If it made Stéphane happy, Aaron would put up with it. 

Aaron cards his fingers through Stéphane's chest hair and if possible, pushes himself even closer to his back. ”Lou looked so excited when they left” he muses, once more steering the conversation away from Yann and Adam and onto a more neutral topic. Their son had been literally bouncing off the walls before Sofie and he left. He's been spending the last few nights at hers so they could have some quiet time during the preparations. Much to her joy. 

”I know” Stéphane turns slightly. He smiles, looking down at Aaron. ”I can't believe we're here”.

”What? In this house?” Aaron raises an eyebrow. 

”No” Stéphane chuckles, shifting onto his back, waving his hand in the air to illustrate his point. ”Well yes in a way maybe. I mean, the first time I saw you on the racing track. Mon dieu! I knew I had to get know you”.

”Try and buy me more like it” Aaron murmurs and Stéphane pokes a finger into his side. 

”Hey, you do what you have to do for attention, n'est-ce pas?” He kisses the top of Aaron's head and Aaron gets caught up in Stéphane's clearly sentimental mood, remembering those early days when he'd been working at a small racing team outside Nantes, having recently moved on from an automobile dealer. When there had been no fancy race tracks or big business. When a friend on the team had introduced them and Aaron hadn't been interested in the slightest. The suit-clad Stéphane had been too much of a reminder of Robert, with it just being a little less than a year since leaving Emmerdale, those wounds were still too fresh. However, he turned out to be something else. He's everything Robert is not. Stéphane is safe. He's calm. He's not cocky. He doesn't rely on his charm to get his way, but on his impeccable skills. Likes things a certain way. Is brutally honest about everything, sometimes, a bit too much. At least there are no secrets between them. Even with the investment to the team and the reason he had made it - so more people would open their eyes to them and so Aaron eventually could get an even better job - he'd been brutally honest. Aaron had wanted it to be off putting, being nearly bought but he secretly enjoyed it. A few months later they were enjoying their first date which turned into a second one, one that was still going.

”Not many put up with me. That's what I mean by still being here” Stéphane pushes his fingers through Aaron's.

It's well known among their friends that Stéphane isn't the easiest person to live with. Just like Aaron, even though he has mellowed considerably over the years, he can be quite stubborn, and also rightdown ruthless sometimes, especially to the clients he works with. It took Chas a while to get used to him. But much like Aaron's persona, they don't know him during the moments when it's just the two of them, when no one is around to see the much calmer version of the fearless business man. After Louis, the two sides have been getting both worse and better but it has also brought them closer together.

They have been in their house for nearly five years now. Aaron smiles at all the memories of the past and all the things that has happened in this house. Some good, some bad, but despite ups and downs they were still here and tomorrow another adventure would begin.

”I love you” Stéphane whispers quietly and gives Aaron a peck on the lips.

”Love you too”.

..

"Comme ça?"

"Non, non c'est faux"

Aaron annoyingly unties his bowtie for the fifth time and sighs loudly. Stéphane laughs at him, dropping his belt to the bed and takes the two ends and with skillful hands ties them into a perfect bow.

"Voila!" He turns Aaron to the mirror and of course it looks perfect. There's nothing he can't do. He both admires it and hates it at times.

"Merci" Aaron kisses him fondly. At least one of them is keeping a cool head this morning. He himself is a nervous wreck who can't even get his buttons closed, hands trembling so hard. 

Chas has made sure they have some alone time to get ready without the disruption of a million questions from people wondering where things will go. Victoria is dealing with the catering firm. Adam and Yann are helping people park their cars, under strict instructions not to lock the Mustang in. With the launch of the new car, they don't have time for a honeymoon, but Aaron has planned to take Stéphane away for a few days to quiet little B&B along the coast closer to Nice that comes highly recommended. With the top down, the vintage car will be the perfect getaway vehicle to drive along the coast. 

”She's like a guard dog your mum” Stéphane marks amused as they hear Chas calling something outside their room. It's probably poor Paddy messing up the flower arrangements again. 

Aaron sits down on the bed, fiddling with his cuff links. ”These little fuckers”.

”Aaron. We need to get you into a suit more often” Stéphane teases and takes hold of his arm, effortlessly slipping the cufflink in place. 

There's a gently knock on the door and Chas slowly slips her head in, looking cautious. ”Uhm”

”What?” Aaron snaps too quickly, looking sternly at her. 

”Sofie just called. Her car won't start”.

”Well can't someone just go get her then?” Stéphane suggest, even his cool facade faltering a tad. 

”Well the ones who knows where they live have their car all blocked by other people's car. And the bloody catering car is blocking them, it'd take ages to move them all around. The only car that's free is the Mustang and I know that...”

Aaron stands up sighing. ”I'll go” No one is touching that car. It's his baby and he'd never forgive himself if he caught a scratch on it.

”Aaron” Stéphane tries, his sigh already sounding defeated. He knows what the car means to him. ”I can pay for a taxi”.

”All the way here? I don't think so!” He might have more money than he's ever had, but he still knows how to spend them wisely and a taxi from Marseille is not the way. ”It's fine. Besides, who can get them here faster than me? I'm also kinda eager to see our handsome little boy” he winks at his soon to be husband in a matter of hours. ”We'll be back before you know it” he kisses Stéphane and tries slipping out of the house without too many noticing him. 

–

”Ok vite vite!” Aaron hurries Louis on as he folds the top down on the car and Sofie locks the house behind them. 

Her heels clatter against the pavement as she runs up to the car, keys still dangling in her hand. ”Aaron, the car seat”.

”Oh shit, right.” He leaps towards Sofie's car as she opens it with a beep and yanks out the car seat. Getting it into the Mustang proves trickier than he thought and he can't seem to get it to fasten as it should in the car that was made nearly 60 years earlier than the car seat. 

”That's not gonna work is it?” Sofie and he stares at it for a moment, both wondering what to do. 

”Go without?” Sofie suggests stressed.

”What? All the way to ours? No chance!” Aaron spats and tries a different approach to the problem. This time he makes it somewhat works. They're late enough as it is and there's no time to do it any better.

”Papa” Louis tugs impatiently at his jacket. 

”We're going now Lou” he lifts his son into the car seat.

”But I need to pee”. 

”Right. Sofie, can you...” She already has their son's hand before he finishes the sentence and while they go back inside the house, Aaron tries adjusting the car seat again. There's a missed call from Stéphane on his phone and he listens to his voice mail that is wondering how long time they need. 'Give me 40 min' he texts back, knowing it's probably too optimistic. 

”Papa. Papa” Louis kicks on Aaron's seat as they're back on the road again, begging for attention. 

Aaron looks back in the rearview mirror. ”What is it Lou?” he says as gently as he can muster even though he can feel the stress boiling - the marks that the shoes against the carseat will undoubtedly leave don't help.

”I got a boh-tie like you!” he expresses proudly, in the next second proceeding to take it off. 

”No don't take it off Lou!” Sofie shouts, voice more stressed than usually. 

”You're looking very good, just like papa yeah. And dad too” Aaron smiles back at Lou and the kid grins wide, showing off his tiny teeth.

He turns on the radio just as they hit the motorway and they're flying now. Nerves relaxes somewhat, Louis is sitting calmly in the back seat looking out at the landscape, every now and then commenting on something familiar he sees, and Sofie is laughing at her phone in the seat next to him. 

”What's so funny?” Aaron's curiosity is peaked. 

”Nothing” Sofie shakes her head.

”Oh come on, you're turning all red!” Aaron laughs at her and after some prodding he finally gets her to admit that she's been flirting with a guy from work. He knows it's not serious, it never is with Sofie, but it's still fun to wind her up about it. 

It doesn't take long before they leave the motorway for the curvy hill roads leading to their house and they're both caught up in their banter whilst Lou is craving attention from the back again. It's not until he sticks his head between their seats they notice him, panic hitting as they realize he's unbuckled his seatbelt. 

”Louis sit down again!” Aaron shouts as Sofie unbuckles herself to climb back and secure their son again. 

”Louis you can absolutely not do that” she reprimands and stretches her whole body over into the backseat, trying to reach better. Somehow, she manages to kick Aaron's arm.

”Oy, watch it” he laughs and turns his head quickly to look into the backseat at her struggles. 

”AARON!” Sofie screams and there's suddenly a loud horn ringing in his ear and the last thing he sees before the car flips over against the stone wall is the catering van. 

Then everything vaporizes into thin air, sounds and colours and smells. And it's all black. 

Until there's a bright firework right next to him that seems to come closer. In the faded distant someone is shouting. Perhaps he's dreaming because he seems to be floating. He's just a head among rumble, swaying through filters of impressions. The light fades away and he's torn into grey. 

The next light he sees is softer, dimmer, but yet clearer. This time he isn't floating. His body doesn't seem light. Heavy chains pulling him down, restraining him to the point that he can't breathe. His left arm is the only thing that feels somewhat movable and by some instinct it moves towards his mouth where he can feel something hard being stuck.

”Nurse!” Someone shouts and a moment later a hand is there, pulling his arm away. 

It goes black again. 

It's bright the next time he sees the light. Painfully blinking his eyes open he turns away from the window that's causing his discomfort. 

The word ”Love” is whispered and it takes him a few seconds to realize it's his mum. Not until she slips her hand into his does he fully understand that she's right next to him. 

He tries forming some words but his mouth is dry and his lips aren't responding the way he wants them to. There are just mumbles slipping past them.

”It's ok love. You don't have to talk right now. You go back to sleep again. I'm right here” she strokes his cheek and soon enough it's dark again. 

He jolts awake suddenly, gasping for air and falls back to the bed screaming. Every bit of his body is burning and every move he makes trying to fight it only seems to make it worse. 

”I'm here, I'm here” Chas grabs his arm. ”Do something!” she shouts at the nurse who's at his bed next to him. 

As images starts pouring through his mind, his body isn't the only thing that is set on fire. ”Lou” is the first word out of his mouth before uneven breathing takes over and he's struggling to get air down his lungs. The nurse tries attaching something to his cheek or nose but he waves his arm so hard that he pushes hers away. 

”Come on love. You need to calm down. Just breathe with me ok” Chas is taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly right next to his ear and some part of his subconscious starts following the instructions. ”Good. That's it. You can do it” she encourages. 

”It hurts” Aaron cries, feeling tears stream down his cheeks and suddenly he's very aware of where he is and how his one leg is hoisted above the bed, his right arm covered in a white package. His stomach is stiff and there's also something itching on his forehead. He hasn't seen the inside of a hospital room since the time Lou got a terrible fever at the age of two. The images starts flashing again and he's with Lou and Sofie in the car laughing and then there's a cliff wall. 

”Lou. Where's Lou? Mum, where's Lou?” The thuds of his heart are so loud they block out all other sounds in the room. Chas covers her mouth, closes her eyes, head shaking. He starts panicking and can feel bile in the back of his throat. From out of nowhere Paddy is next to him and for the first time he notices that Stéphane isn't there. Adam is at the end of his bed, looking down, unable to face his eyes. ”Paddy?” he trembles.

Paddy pinches the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses slightly upwards as he takes his hands and sits down on the bed. ”I'm sorry” he whispers almost apologetically and his grip around his hand tightens. ”You were in a car accident...and..Lou...he...he” he pauses, collecting himself and Aaron already knows what's coming as he presses himself backwards, deeper into the bed as if trying to escape the inevitable. Paddy leans forward, letting his tears drop onto his face as he takes both his arms, capturing him in a steady embrace. ”I'm so sorry Aaron. Lou didn't make it” he cries, swallowing on the last words. 

It's as if the wall hits him again, over and over again. ”No” he shakes his head. ”No, no, no” he screams uncontrollably until he suddenly stops and vomits over the edge of the bed, some bile landing on the pillow, the rest on the floor. His whole body shakes and there's a horrible sound echoing throughout the room that he doesn't fully notices is coming from him. Adam his hugging his leg that's free from bandage and it's one of the few times he's seen his friend really cry. His mum stands pressed to the wall, her hands covering her face, and Paddy has his arm in a tight grip over his torso while he screams so hard his lungs might bleed. 

An hour later, pumped with morphine and sedatives, he's staring blankly out the window as Paddy finishes telling him that Sofie didn't survive the crash either. The medicine they've injected him with isn't nearly enough to numb the pain, only control it. 

”Where's Stéphane?” he asks calmly and has up til now hardly reflected on his whereabouts. 

”His sister took him home” Chas explains and Aaron turns his head towards her just in time to see her throwing Paddy a knowing look. 

”Why isn't he here?”

”They had to give him some sedatives as well mate. He's home sleeping, Victoria just texted” Adam holds his phone up. 

”Ok” Aaron leans his heavy head further into the pillow and just stares at the ceiling. ”What happened?”

”You were in a car accident” Paddy repeats the answer he's been giving him several times already. 

”No. What happened?”

”Aaron..” Chas pleads. 

”I just need to know”. He shouldn't ask for it, he knows that. But he needs to hear it. Needs to hear of the horrible truth to know that this isn't just some cruel nightmare. 

Neither Paddy or Chas make an attempt to speak so he moves his eyes at Adam. The two friends look at each other for what feels like minutes. ”Don't make me beg Adam” Aaron finally whispers. 

”Erhm” Adam clears his throat, wiping away snot with the back of his hand. ”It was in one of the tight curves. You met the catering van. They think you flipped over against the cliff wall. They had to cut you out, your leg was pretty much wedged in there” Adam nods towards his suspended leg. 

”And the others?” Aaron asks again when Adam doesn't continue. 

”The girls in the van are fine”.

”Lou and Sofie, Adam. Just tell me”

”Mate...” he looks to the floor again. 

”Just tell me!” Aaron shouts, chin trembling, and Adam looks at Paddy and Chas for confirmation. No one seems to make an attempt of stopping him when he inch closer to the bed. 

”Sofie broke her neck. Lou died from the impact. That's what they told us”

Aaron nods and turns towards the window again. He doesn't learn of the real truth until over three weeks later when he's home and flipping through their unsorted mail. The newspapers are laying in a big heap on the kitchen table and no one has taken care of them yet. On the front page of one of them is the destroyed Mustang and under reads a horrible headline of ”Child and mother killed in car accident”. It pulls him in and he reads the article word for word, over and over. Sentences like ”no seatbelts”, ”dismember bodies” and ”catapulted from the car” has him knocked to the floor. After three weeks it's a wonder there are any tears left.

This time Stéphane is right behind him, pressing their bodies close together. He doesn't say anything. There's nothing that can be said to make it better. He cries with him, kisses his head repeatedly. Somewhere in the distance Chas takes all the mail away.

She's refused to leave him even for an hour. The first two weeks she slept next to him in the hospital. It's all been a haze but she's been the stable lighthouse trying to offer some guidance in the dark. When the others had to leave, she's stayed. Doing what she can. Yann's been around the house a lot too. Most of the time he doesn't know what to say, so he sits, and waits, merely existing. A body to fill the suffocating silence. His colleagues have been there too, but he can't even remember who, only the flowers that fill the house reminds him that they've even been there at all. Flowers, with their bright colours seem to mock them and he asks Chas to throw them all away. 

Every day feels like threading through deep mud, making it hard to even breathe or talk, pushing your body backwards. The pain in his healing body is nothing compared to the pain of the empty whole in his heart. He barely makes it through the funeral without a complete meltdown. Stéphane has to guide him back to the car, his eyes swollen shut. How Stéphane is still standing he do not know. 

Stéphane takes a low dose of sedatives that makes him sleep a lot and he's been pushing Aaron to take them too, claiming they help but Aaron doesn't want them. He doesn't want to take the edge of his grief, he wants to feel every miserable fiber of it.

”Here” Chas offers him his own phone. ”Yann called. Said the car was a success at the race. You came second. He sent a picture”. 

Aaron takes the phone from her and nods slowly but makes no attempt to look at it. Instead he pulls the blanket over his shoulders and looks out onto the ocean. The patio chair isn't comfortable but he's come to spend most of his days out here, just staring to the blue sea. The big pool of mystery. He fantasizes of what's out there, what magical things that goes on under the surface. Somehow, it helps. 

”Maybe we should go have a look” Chas tries and sits down next to him. ”Can't sit here all day every day” she tries touching his leg but he moves away. 

”I like it out here” he answers as a slight breeze sweeps across his face. It's easier coping with everything out here. Inside the house, everywhere he looks is a painful reminder of Louis. The dining table where he had his first meal. The kitchen counter where he knocked out his front tooth. The sofa where they used to cuddle after a long week. The hallway where they used to run around chasing each other. The corner under the stairs, the perfect hiding place. They are all painful flashes of bouncing curls and a broad grin. The first week at home he stayed the whole time in his bedroom, now he doesn't want to go near it. Doesn't want to touch it, or anyone else either. The door is shut, a desperate attempt to keep all the smells locked in.

”Alright” Chas speaks gently and stands, giving him a kiss on the head as she leaves him alone again. 

”It's all my fault”. 

Chas stops, immediately turning back, not even bothering to sit down this time. ”Right, you listen to me. I don't ever wanna hear you say that again because I don't care how much you think it's the truth, you listen to me, it's not. It's not the truth. This is not your fault” Her face is hard, eyes piercing into his. 

”I should have stopped though. When Sofie went to help him with the seatbelt. I should have stopped” he states and nothing is more real than that truth. It's been on repeat in his head for weeks but this is the first time he's said it out loud. ”I should never have taken the Mustang. The carseat wasn't attached properly”. 

”Aaron” Chas cries and her voice is so demanding that in itself makes him look at her. ”Nothing good will ever come of you trying to think of what could have been done or not. Nothing. Trust me. It has happened. And it's a fucking horrible reality but it did happen and there's is just no point in going over what could have been done. That's what's gonna eat you up. If it hasn't already” she sighs. ”Aaron. Please come with me. Let's take a walk. At least it will make you see something new”.

Aaron shakes his head. He stays where he is for the rest of the day and for the next days that come and passes. And the next. Leaves have changed their colours and left their branches. The sky is dark and grey and even the ocean seems darker and more ominous. He can see more of it now that the leaves are gone. Paddy and Adam tries Skyping with him but it's awkward and quiet and the calls come more seldom. The sweet, familiar smell in Louis's room is long gone and left is the smell of dust and unventilated room. 

Chas forces him into work one day, claiming it will do him some good but he mostly spends the hours avoiding the pitiful looks of his colleagues. Not saying much but merely observing how life has somehow gone on without him present. Races are won and lost, the weather changes again, some friends are off to a holiday, returning with a tan. A new moon has been discovered, a silly chocolate cake makes the news, the polar ice is still melting. Then there's the ocean. It seems to be the only constant thing around him. Stéphane has joined him out on the patio a few times but mostly they stay in each side of the house. Neither of them talk much, Aaron is too lost within his own thoughts and Stéphane is still numbed by the sedatives he's still taking. In the beginning of November he goes back to his work, it does him good he says. It's a distraction. Aaron doesn't want the distraction. He's not ready to be distracted from the thoughts of his son. He want them as close to his heart and apparent in his mind as he possible can. With Stéphane back at work, Chas's attention is solely directed at him and it's more than he wants or needs. He wants the piece and quiet, that's what he tells Stéphane and a few days later he hears him tell Chas it's probably time she left them to grief on their own. 

..

The familiar sound of keys turning, the door opening and closing, the metal sound of keys being placed on the kitchen counter is heard and then there's the opening of the patio door, sliding smoothly in its track. ”Je suis rentré!” Stéphane calls from behind him and Aaron turns, giving him a smile. ”Do you want anything?” 

Aaron shakes his head and repeats the same answer as all the other days, ”Non”. It's just a few sentences here and there but Aaron can tell Stéphane has begun talking more to him in French again and even he gives him short replies in the foreign language. English was spoken for Louis, but he's not here to hear it anymore. 

Muffled songs are coming from inside the house and a second later the speakers on the patio is blasting out Christmas Carols reminding him it's that time of the year. ”Pardon!” Stéphane shouts from inside and turns the sound down. There's a knock on one of the big windows to his left and Stéphane is smiling at him from their bedroom, loosening the tie around his neck and taking off his shirt. He disappears into the walk-in-closet and comes out wearing a warm sweater and some jeans instead of his standard dark suit. Aaron watches him as he sits down on the bed and pulls on some thick socks. Stéphane stops and gazes up at him, throwing him another gentle smile. He nearly returns it. 

”Chocolat chaud” Stéphane pushes a cup of hot cocoa into Aaron's hands and despite his previous declines he gratefully accepts it. He can't remember if he's eaten today. 

Stéphane pulls one of the chairs right next to Aaron's and throws another blanket over the big duvet Aaron is sitting under before he covers himself with it too. Jinglebells is playing in the background and they both take a sip of their hot chocolate. ”I was thinking we could go to the Christmas market this weekend” Stéphane says and tucks the duvet closer to his body. 

Aaron bites his nail, hesitating to answer. He's given so many 'no' lately he hates seeing yet another disappointed look. Deep down he knows it will be good to get out of the house, to change his view. But the few times he's made it out of the house, to go to the store or taking a walk along the beach, Stéphane always driving there, the world has seemed crowded and enigmatic, it's as if it doesn't makes sense to him anymore. Every little thing seems so pointless and even difficult. ”Peut-être” he finally responds with no more promise. 

”D'accord” Stéphane settles for the answer with another gulp of chocolate, whistling to 'White Christmas' after he's swallowed. 

Aaron lets Stéphane lean closer to him, even wrapping his arm around his shoulders, and he listens to the tunes coming from his puckered lips. It could just be another song or any other time of the year, there's no Christmas spirit in him, but there's something about the familiarity of the song that warms him more than the chocolate ever could.  
..

They're walking slowly through the Marseille Christmas market. Stopping every now and then when something interesting catches their eyes; silly ornaments, a possible wreath for the door, homemade fudge. Different Christmas carols from various booths blend together in a cacophony of jolly tunes. It's dark outside and all the thousands of tiny lights casts a soft light over their faces. 

Stéphane pushes a candied almond into Aaron's mouth, the sweet sugar crunching between his teeth. He seems to live on sweet things lately as he doesn't have much appetite for anything else. There won't be a Christmas dinner as no one will eat it. Stéphane sister has invited them over to her place for Christmas, Chas has offered to fly over but they've declined both offers. The day is going to be hard enough without the extra pressure of being social. There will be no presents or Christmas films, just a quiet night on the patio where the world still feels somewhat safe. Stéphane has begun appreciating the place too and Aaron has had his company more and more lately. 

Stéphane leaves his side to stand in line for some more candy canes, claiming they can hang them around the house. Aaron doesn't say anything, he's already robbed him of a tree and he supposes a few red and white striped canes won't make much difference to his mood. Aaron pushes his hands into his pockets, swaying a little on his feet as he waits. Uncomfortable with being in a crowd he looks down and takes a deep breath, willing his nerves to calm down. A woman suddenly shouts ”Émile!” right next to him and a small boy comes running. He grins up at Aaron, mouth covered with candy floss, before he grabs the hand of the woman. It's like taking a punch to the stomach and it leaves him out of breath. He's seen young boys before but never so close, and never have they smiled at him like that. He wants to scream. He wants to throw the bag with the wreath, a meaningless attempt to some normality, and scream from the top of his lungs in the middle of all the people. He wants to shout out his pain. But he doesn't. He can't. 

He rushes back to where they have parked their car and curses when he can't get in because Stéphane is holding the keys. He leans his head against the cool metal, hiding away his face from the rest of the world. Behind him he can hear a young girl asking someone what he is doing. There's a vibration from his pocket but his hands are too heavy to reach down and pull the phone up. 

”There you are, I was...What's wrong?” Stéphane's voice changes when he notices the state Aaron's in. 

Aaron slowly shakes his head, forehead still pressed against the car. ”I can't. I just can't”.

”Come on Aaron, it was going so well. Let's go back and try again. I won't leave your side this time” Stéphane coaxes. 

”I need to get home. Just let me in the car” Aaron shouts, furiously pulling the handle of the car door. 

Stéphane's face hardens somewhat. ”Calm down.” He pushes the key, opening the car and Aaron immediately jumps inside. It takes a few minutes before Stéphane takes the driver's seat. The car ride home is quiet. Stéphane makes no attempt putting on the radio.

Christmas isn't spent out on the patio as planned or next to each other at the dinner table. Instead, Aaron spends it in Louis's room, curled up in his tiny bed, his son's favourite teddy tightly wrapped in his arms. Stéphane rarely comes into the room. On the days leading up to New Year's he stands in the doorway and tells Aaron he's leaving to go to his sister's house for the rest of the holiday. ”You can come or not, you choose”. 

Aaron stays. 

–

He knows he's lost weight, his trousers falls down unless he uses a belt, his pants are looser and even his shoes feels bigger. He hasn't been bothered to do any grocery shopping during the days Stéphane has been away and he's made due with the things they already had at home. The fresh, easy accessible vegetables that needed no preparation are gone and he's left with staples like rice and pasta. The water is boiling heavily, spilling over the edges, forming a burnt rim on the stove. The 5 min pasta seems like his best option. 

There are a few missed calls on his phone, three from his mum, one from Yann, one from Adam and two from Paddy. It's not until he sees the date on the screen that he recognizes it as his own birthday. Another day of celebration he'd rather forget. 

He eats his pasta standing up. No spices, oil, or ketchup. Just bland pasta. He couldn't even feel the taste of seasoning if he tried. After he's added the pan and plate in the dishwasher, he saunters back into Louis's room, falling asleep on the bed once more. 

”Get up!”

The cover is unceremoniously ripped away from his body and he shivers before he even opens his eyes. The light comes on and he squeezes his eyes shut, grunting slightly. There's a smell of cigarette smoke in the air that is too strong for his senses and he presses his face closer into the cushion.

”Get up!” Stéphane tries again, this time more determined. 

”I'm too tired” Aaron mumbles. His head is banging at the sudden interruption.

”It's your fucking birthday and we're celebrating it” Stéphane pulls at his hand, trying to drag him from the bed. He's heavier than Aaron and he has way more energy to pull with. 

”Please no” Aaron silently begs as his upper body is lifted from the bed by his arm. ”I don't want to” he tries. Stéphane takes no notice but when he tries pushing Aaron's feet to the floor he snaps. ”Leave me alone!” he yells, staring into Stéphane's eyes on which he let go of Aaron's hand, shocked from the outburst. 

His mouth tightens. ”Fine” Stéphane slams the door shut on his way out. 

Aaron reaches for the light switch and turns the room dark again. Sometime around midnight he wakes by the whispered sounds of an apologetic Stéphane ”Je suis désolé” and the indent in the bed as he sits down next to him, carding his hand through his hair. ”I don't know what to do Aaron. I just don't know” he cries into his neck and Aaron can feel his tears against his skin. He doesn't respond, he doesn't know what to do anymore either. 

They're in a state of limbo they can't seem to get out of. They are, but they don't exist. Not really. Stéphane makes Aaron leave Louis's room eventually and they even try enjoying dinner together a few times. It's takeaway but it doesn't matter. It's quiet, but nicer than he'd imagine. On the sixth month anniversary of Louis's death they take a long walk down to the ocean and lets some lit candles into the water, watching them drift away by the slow waves. 

For the first time, Aaron makes the effort to call Adam. He even lets himself get caught up in a few seconds of banter which makes him feel more normal than he has in a long time. They talk about meeting up again soon but they both realize it's just loose talk. 

Slowly but steady, he feels himself stepping away from the heavy fog he's captured in. He spends less time on the patio and more time walking around the neighbourhood. He even lets Yann talk him into going down the racetrack again and by April he's there twice a week.

The world is cautiously starting to make sense again and he's becoming aware of his surroundings more and more. One of them being the pills Stéphane seems to be taking morning and evening. The empty bottles that get refilled with an alarming pace. There's not enough energy in him to ask about it however.

The more they start talking to each other, the less they have to say and the more they seem to drift apart. They're not the same people who once fell in love. Yet, there's still a deeper connection bonding them but at the same time it feels like all of their connection has been dissolved. They're a new version of themselves that somehow have to fight to find their way back to their old version of themselves. When even getting up in the morning is a struggle and to make yourself something to eat, there's not alot of fighting spirit left in you for anything else. They keep things as light and comfortable as possible. 

Until two newspapers shake them up. 

The first one comes a week before the second. 

”What is this?!” Stéphane slams the newspaper in front of Aaron, almost spilling his morning coffee. The image of the crashed Mustang stares back at him, like a ghost from the past. ”I found this under the bed in Louis's room. What is it doing there?” His voice is hard, demanding. Unapologetic. 

Aaron slowly folds the paper away, unable to deal with both the horrific image and Stéphane's anger at once. ”I wanted to keep it”.

”Why? Do you want to torture us?” Stéphane spits.

”No” The only one he wants to torture is himself. For all the mistakes he did that day. The newspaper is a reminder, an outlet to prolong the burden and guilt. He knows he doesn't deserve any release from it. 

”Well I'm throwing it away” Stéphane snags the paper off the table and strides into the living room, making a beeline for the fire place. 

Aaron's chair hits the floor as he rushes after him. ”You can't do that. I want to keep it. I need it” he screams and tries grabbing it from Stéphane but he pushes him away with a hard shove. 

”Je m'en fous!” he screams at him, trying to pick up the lighter from the side of the fire place but Aaron won't let him. 

”Well I give a fuck! I want the paper. You have no right to decide that!” Aaron yells desperately. 

Stéphane stops to stare blankly at Aaron. ”Fine. Have it your way. Again. It's you we live after anyway” The bitterness leaks from his voice as he pushes the paper into Aaron's arms and storms off to the bathroom. 

”That's not fair” Aaron calls as he follows him. Maybe this is what they need. Some anger to get everything out. To get some answers. Stéphane is rummaging through the cabinet drawers, throwing out empty medicine jars, finally finding what he's looking for. He swallows two without any water and throws the empty bottle away. 

Aaron leans against the door frame, watching him. ”Why do you need them?”

”Don't” Stéphane's knuckles are white as they're both gripping the sink, his body leaning heavily forward, his head hanging low towards the faucet. 

Aaron dares taking a step forward. It finally hits him that he's not the only one having a hard time coping. ”You're addicted to them. That's why you need them right?”

Stéphane shakes his head. ”No”. 

”Then why?” Aaron insists.

”To bear living with the man who killed my child!” Stéphane screams as loud as he can, face going red with anger, now only a few inches away from Aaron's.

The words forces him backwards and he draws a quick breath as he stares at Stéphane, shell-shocked. ”I..” he starts, but soon disappears out of the house. 

He stays with Yann in Marseille for a couple of nights. Stéphane makes no attempt of calling him. The house is empty and cold when he goes home. Dishes are dirty on the counter, mail is littered on the dining table, clothes are scattered around the floor. He doesn't remember it was such a mess when he left it, but then again he recognizes some of the dishes and clothes as his own. It shocks him what state they have both left themselves in. He knows they need to talk about several things but right now he needs a shower and a change of clothes. 

On the bathroom floor are the empty bottles still left behind and after a quick look, they're as empty as the cabinet. 

When Stéphane finally arrives home the day after he goes straight to his study and locks himself in, ignoring Aaron's attempts to talk to him. 

Exactly a week after Stéphane found the newspaper with the crash, another paper with a ghost from the past makes it to their letterbox. Aaron can hardly believe what he sees and he has to read the article about three times before it sinks in. Covering the whole front page is a picture of Robert and underneath it the headline reads: Robert Sugden flees England for France. The story then goes on explaining how the former financial advisor to the British government is living under false identity, fearing that secret forces will hunt him down due to his shocking reveal that has caused turmoil in the home country, forcing the sitting government to resign. 

Aaron reads it over and over again, unable to make sense of any of it. The line to Vic is occupied, same with Adam so he calls Paddy trying to get some answers on what is going on and why he hasn't heard any of this before. Paddy's answer is very limited. ”I think Vic is as shocked as the rest of us mate” Paddy explains. 

Robert hasn't been in his thoughts for years, after the first few without him, they came less and less, replaced by an entire new life. Victoria and Adam have mentioned him in passing every now and then but other than that, he's been clueless of his life.

It's the 21st of April. Tomorrow is the 22nd of April, Robert's birthday. He'll be 42. Nine years they've been apart. It could might as well be a whole lifetime ago. Seeing his picture in the newspaper is shocking. It looks like him still but his face has gotten some deeper wrinkles, his hair isn't the same blond it used to be. 

From out of nowhere, Stéphane appears behind him. ”That's Robert isn't it?” he says angrily, voice uneven and he can detect the alcohol on his breath.

Aaron grits his teeth and nods, avoiding to look back at him. He doesn't owe him that. He folds the paper together and stands up, tucking it under his arm to read later in peace. 

”Why you walking away huh?” Stéphane shouts after him as he goes over to the sink, putting down his plate. 

”You're drunk” Aaron states.

”So what?” Stéphane waves his arms in the air. ”I don't have my medicine any longer. I need something” he cries, laughing at the same time. 

”It's not the way” Aaron mumbles to himself. 

”Oh and you know what way is best do you?” Stéphane almost laughs. ”You've been a mess for months. You still are. I've kept it together. All for you! So I will do what I want” he shouts. 

”Stéphane, please” Aaron reaches out for him but is met with something worse. The blow comes quickly and hard and it nearly knocks him off his feet. It's right across the jaw and his ear is ringing from the impact. 

Stéphane stares at him with the same shock that he feels, both of them shaking. The old him would have fought back, done something, but he's unable to even move, his brain trying to work through what is really happening. This is not the person he once intended to marry. No one has hurt him like this since all those years ago - the incident that caused him to leave Emmerdale and never look back. 

Stéphane and him were suppose to be so much stronger than that. Different. Good careers, a beautiful son and the whole world at their feet. This is not how life was supposed to go. He wants to scream and shout and fight but every emotion in him implodes, leaving him shaking and his head so woozy he has to lean over the counter. Dropped on the floor is the newspaper, the image of a haunted Robert staring up at him. 

Tomorrow Robert will turn 42 and it seems like they're both lost in France.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess now we know why Robert is so well known even after his death ;) haha


	6. 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't scare you away with the last chapter.   
> Aaron survives, he always does.   
> Out of all the chapters, I think this is my favourite one.

_”I need a break. This is too much” he pinches the bridge of his nose, leaning into his hand and wills his tears away. Taking a deep breath, he exhales slowly. He hasn't even gone through half of the things Aaron Livesy did and still he's complaining about his stupid problems. Losing a child must be the hardest thing you could ever go through. He can't even begin to imagine the vast hole that would forever be carved into your heart. They've talked about having children but she's always said no, claiming there's not enough money for the two of them. She wants them she says but the usual excuse is just not now. Sometimes they've had heated discussions about it, none of them ending good. A few of them have even made him question them as a couple. If they're travelling the same road, if being together is what will make him happy in a few years time._

_The woman fiddles with a handkerchief before she folds it into her hands. She' hasn't used it yet but it's there as a reassurance, he can tell. It's the first time in their conversation her voice has faltered. ”It was very hard seeing him go through that. You're always so helpless. Doesn't matter what you do, it's never enough”._

_He takes another deep breath before he finds the energy to speak again. ”Do you have children?”_

_”Oh yes” she smiles. ”And even some grandchildren. And some great grandchildren” the woman adds with a little laugh, the sparkle back in her eyes. ”They don't live here though, but they do come and visit as often as they can” she nods and seems content with what she's just said. ”I'm lucky to have such a big family. Not everyone is. Well not everyone wants one I guess”._

_”I think I do” he says quietly, hesitant to say it out loud. ”A big one I mean...I'm probably starting too late for that though”._

_”You're still young” she pats him a couple of times on his forearm._

_”Tell my wife that” he chuckles despite himself. ”Right” he clears his throat, wanting to get away from the subject. ”You still haven't told me how Robert became famous. How come I know about him?”_

_”Ah. Well him fleeing the country was just the start”._

**43.**

”Whoa. Easy” Yann laughs and catches Aaron's empty mug before it drops to the floor. 

”Thanks” Aaron smiles weakly and puts it in the coffee machine that soon spits out a hot stream of black goodness. 

”You ok?” Yann raises an eyebrow and presses a couple of buttons on the machine next to Aaron. 

Aaron shrugs his shoulder. ”Yeah. I'm ok Yann. Just a bit tired” It's not a lie but not exactly the truth either. He's gone back full-time to work, much to his replacement's vexation. Even though he's not been working full-time for nearly ten months his job has held his position open for him to get back to and he's forever grateful for the way they have handled the whole situation. The car they were working on so hard around this time last year has already a few prizes on display at the headquarters. However, things don't stop in the racing world and they're already on new developments, new engineering and that means new tests and new ways to push the car. 

Aaron runs his hand along the smooth hood of their latest project and takes a sip of his coffee. No matter how alike they might look to the untrained eye, there's always something special about working on a new car. The excitement, the unfaltering optimist, even though his colleagues teases him for not showing it too often. ”She looks good today” he tells Yann who's a few steps behind. 

”She looks the same as yesterday”.

Aaron crouches down, his eyes staring at the wheel base. ”Nah. You're wrong there my friend. She looks ready for action today”.

Yann almost spurts out his coffee. ”You almost sound straight Aaron” he giggles. 

”Shut up” Aaron frowns and throws a rag in his friend's direction. ”That's offensive”. 

Yann still laughs when catching the rag. ”I guess we better take a drive today then” he smiles. 

”Yeah, we...” Aaron grabs his ribs as he stands, pain shooting through his body.

”Aaron. Are you sure you're really ok?” Yann asks, his voice immediately losing its amusement to be replaced with a deep concern. Aaron knows how extra attentive he's been ever since the accident. He might not show it, but he's grateful. 

”I'm fine. Stop mithering” Aaron snaps, walking away before those eyes of his will find out the truth. He can feel Yann's stare burning in his back. He knows he's suspicious and him making a show of himself won't help ease his curiosity. It's bad enough he caught a couple of his bruises once. Stéphane usually stays away from the parts where anyone can see but sometimes, when he's grim and careless, he misses. If it weren't for the questions from others he wouldn't mind it. He knows he deserves every hit he gets. Louis is dead because of him. ”I want you to check the security details again” Aaron shouts back at Yann and slams the door to the office building after him. 

He heads directly to his office, slightly limping in pain, and slums down in his chair as soon as he reaches the room. There are no painkillers around, he refuses to block out any pain that might be inflicted on him. He needs to feel it. At least that pain is tolerable. To fuel it further he fishes his mobile out of his pocket and scrolls through the pictures with Louis. The hole in his heart is so big that most days he doesn't want to go on, and he finds himself wondering what the point of it all really is. Somehow, he just has to stand it. Work has proved itself to be the distraction he needs, a way to get away from his head. And as much as he hates being away from it: his home. Stéphane has been working more and more from home lately. A part of Aaron wonders if they don't want him in the office anymore seeing as he's become another version of himself. A more cruel version. No one seems to know how to handle that version. 

Louis's grin is staring at him and he clutches the phone close to his heart and leans back in his chair. Eight years he's been in France, most of them he's spent with Stéphane and half of them he got to spend with Louis. What if they had never had him? Would they still be together? During these last months without him, it's become apparent of how different they really are. Where they always like that or is it just the grief talking? They hadn't even been together long before the talk of a child had been brought up. Aaron rubs both his temples with one hand, kneading for release of the throbbing in his head before it gets worse. He closes his eyes and can feel his lids getting heavier and heavier. There's no reason to sleep in the middle of the day at work, but he just need some rest. 

Yann is the one who wakes him 20 minutes later when he knocks on the door. ”Aaron” he whispers from the door but he's too tired to wake up. A gentle hand is shaking him. ”Aaron. Come on, let me take you home” Yann suggests. 

Aaron licks his dry lips. ”Ok” he agrees without much fuss.

Yann drops him off at his house and shouts that he'll pick him up tomorrow as he speeds off. For his own safety, his car is still left at Paul Ricard. First time driving there on his own after the accident felt stranger and more nerve wrecking than when he took the test for his license. He came close to turning around but instead of giving up he finally managed to get there by doing about five stops along the way. 

”You're home early” Stéphane marks as Aaron comes in to the living room, finding him in the middle of a pile of papers.

”Working from home?” Aaron asks even though he knows the answer.

”Oui. Il est plus facile” He gets up to kiss Aaron's cheek and when he puts his hand on Aaron's ribs he flinches. He's not even sure he did it intentionally or not. Stéphane pulls back with a frown. ”You ok?”

”Yeah, yeah. I'm fine” Aaron lies. 

”Good” Stéphane smiles as if nothing is wrong. ”There's some food left over since lunch if you're hungry”, he points to the kitchen, stepping backwards, a paper still clinging in his hand. 

Aaron bites his lip, holding his breath. ”Ok. I'll take some outside. Leave you to your work”.

”Merci” Stéphane drops the document onto the table before coming back to him, nuzzling his neck, peppering it with kisses making Aaron go all stiff. ”You need to relax. Come on” Stéphane takes his hand and drags him down on the sofa with him. 

”Wait wait” Aaron cranes his neck away from Stéphane as his lips are pressed against it and he presses his hand gently against his chest, careful not to upset him. ”I'm really hungry. I need to eat something” he lies and manages to get up again without any bigger protests. 

There are only so many times he can lie himself out of situations like these. 

..

Even the sky over Marseille had to darken sometimes. Today was one of those days when the rain never seemed to wanna stop. It was pouring heavily, drops of rain bouncing off the windows of the office building, drops dancing on the track. Rain wasn't always bad, it was good training, but when it came down as heavily as this they had no option but to call the test off. 

Planes were circling the air above them, waiting to land on the strip close by. The sky looked absolutely miserable with no prospect of brightening up anytime soon. In the distant Aaron could hear the faint sound of thunder. 

”Looks like we won't be having a fun day today then” Yann stood beside him, eyeing the sky. The tests on the track was what kept them going, that was the real joy of the work and any day when they couldn't be out there was set to be a dreary one. Not only because the sky was grey. In that aspect they were still little boys. Only difference were the toys that had gotten more expensive. 

”Listen. Carine and I thought maybe you'd wanna come home to us on Saturday. What do you say?” It was the first time Yann had asked him since the accident. Dinner with Yann and Carine had been a regular thing for him and it wasn't until now he realized how much he missed it. 

”Sounds good, yeah” He finds himself smiling in response, Yann mirroring his expression and squeezing his shoulder. He already decides that he won't take Stéphane with him and he also thinks Yann won't mind all too much. 

”Aaron, there's someone waiting for you downstairs” a colleague that's passing them says before the reception rings on his cell phone. 

”This better not be the press again” he mutters as he puts away his phone again before Yann has the chance to wonder who it was. 

He takes the stairs two steps at a time and momentarily stops, checking himself in the corridor mirror, stretching his jaw side to side so he won't stumble over his words. If it's the press, he better look presentable. Rounding the corner to the reception area, he stops dead in his track when he sees him. 

He's turned away from him, but the height, the blond hair and the body can undoubtedly only belong to one person. The receptionist nods towards him, indicating his arrival and he turns towards him.

It takes a second for him to find his composure after seeing Aaron but when he finally does he fires off that signature confident smile of his, but it's not cocky or smarmy, just warm and genuine. ”Hi Aaron”. Robert's voice is exactly as he remembers it. It was just a little over two months ago he saw his face in the newspaper but it's nothing as seeing him standing right in front of him. His larger than life persona is still there. He's wearing a marine blue suit together with expensive looking shoes. Knowing Robert, they probably are. 

”Hi” he finally says when he finds his voice again. 

”This is a really nice place” Robert smiles and lets his eyes circle the room. ”Looks like you've done good for yourself” There's something sounding a lot like pride in his voice as he nods towards a photo taken a couple of years back with the whole team. 

”Yeah, I guess...” Aaron's words falter. ”I'm sorry. What are you doing here?” he shakes his head trying to make sense of the situation. 

Robert takes a step forward, it feels odd having him within arm-length again. ”Well. You're in France, I'm in France. Wanted to see you” he explains, making it sound so much simpler than it really is. 

”It's been eight years Robert. Almost nine” Aaron frowns and suddenly he becomes aware of where they are as he catches the receptionist not trying to look in their direction. Two men dressed in black suits close to the entrance also catches his attention.

”They're with me” Robert explains before Aaron can ask. ”So...” he says, rocking on his soles. ”Is there a coffee machine around here? A cup for old times sake?” 

There's something so boyishly charming about the way he says it that Aaron can't, despite of his better judgment, help himself from nodding his head backwards. ”Come on then”.

One of the men in the black suits stays at the entrance, the other follows them. ”What, you got bodyguards now?” Aaron snorts but turns serious as he can see Robert's face turning to stone. 

”Uhm...Maybe it's better to talk somewhere private”.

\--

”Can't believe we're actually in the same room together” Robert blows on his coffee and takes a small sip. He stares down at his cup, both hands wrapped around it, tapping it lightly. Aaron can't believe it either. It's strange yet familiar at the same time. It's a lifetime away but odly enough still feels like home.

The bodyguard is left outside of the office, but not with out a first check around it. It's the first time someone has actually examined his room like that and he suddenly regrets all the takeout boxes and empty soda cans around the room. If Robert is using bodyguards, the situation must be serious. From the Robert he can remember, he was never scared of anything, apart from being alone. Perhaps that's why they're with him. 

There's a sudden silence that clouds the room when Robert's eyes catches a photo of Louis dressed in a tiny racing suit on the wall. He stares at it for a few seconds, a coy smile painted across his face. ”He looks like you” he mumbles. Everyone usually said it, much to Stéphane's jealousy, of how alike they were, but Aaron never saw it himself. 

”Vic told me what happened” Robert is looking at him now, sadness in his eyes, earnest to his voice, ”I'm really sorry”.

His Adam's apple bobs hard as he swallows. Aaron gives a small nod but doesn't really say anything back. The amount of condolences he's recieved are just empty words and he has started to resent them. 

”Bet people say that a lot huh?” 

”Something like that yeah” Aaron smiles a little. Even after so many years, Robert can still read him like an open book. It was always his greatest gift in their relationship, he knew him so well, even better than himself sometimes. ”So, where are you staying?” He's become a master of changing subjects. 

”Grimaud, it's quite near Sa..”

”Saint-Tropez. Yeah, I know” Aaron smiles. His old self would have laughed at it but these days, there's not much he laughs about. ”Should have known you'd be near the glitz and glam”. 

Robert presses his tongue against his teeth. ”Well, it's mostly because it's easy to find international bodyguards”.

”Things really that bad?” Aaron frowns and takes another sip of his coffee. 

”It's eh...” Robert drops his chin into his hand, scratching the four day stubble he's sporting. Aaron has never seen him so unkempt but it suits him. ”I'm not exactly a popular guy at the moment Aaron, and there are some powerful people that wishes I won't return. Or worse. I'm not taking any chances”. He fiddles with the edge of his paper cup and for the first time since he arrived, Aaron can see something beyond the confident appearance. Something scared and lonely. 

”What exactly did you do Robert?” The question sounds as worn out as he feels and the irony of asking it again is ridiculous. 

”Well, turns out the British Government and the Scotland Yard aren't too keen on getting called out as corrupted murderers” Robert tries laughing but it soon dies into a sad smile. Aaron could have sworn even his eyes were glossy before he looked away, shaking his head. 

”Yeah that I've seen in the papers”. And heard about his mum going on about it over and over again, saying the media are chaos and that they had even turned up in Emmerdale a few times despite Robert not having lived there for several years. ”But what really happened?”

Robert shakes his head. ”I can't tell you anymore. I'm sorry. My lawyers are preparing for a hearing back in London. It's going to be a major case, I can tell you that much. In the meanwhile, they've advised me to hide out here. You can't tell anyone that I've been here though”.

”Then why come here at all, if you're suppose to be hiding?”

Robert sighs, hesitating for a second. ”I'm not gonna lie Aaron. It's tough and hard as hell and I came here for purely selfish reasons. You know I hate being alone and I could really do with a friend right now” He shrugs his shoulders and smiles a little, hope written all over his face. 

As reluctant as he is about it, he lets Robert persuade him to meet up again. One time soon becoming several. It's always on Aaron's terms - every time he clocks off work a couple of hours early and makes sure to be home in a time where suspicions won't be risen. Or, when he has the courage, he calls Stéphane and tells him he's working late.

The first few times they meet at the office. It's comfortable for Aaron and anonymous enough for Robert as he makes sure to sneak in during the times when most people are concentrated on work. The bodyguards are always present. Robert doesn't talk much about the reason he's in France just for the same reasons Aaron doesn't talk about the past year. It's still too raw. Instead they keep it polite and dip their toes into familiar waters or neutral grounds. Their families, Aaron's job, the Riviera weather. The conversations are rusty and awkward, filled with uncomfortable silences. 

Robert tells him about his move to Leeds shortly after Aaron left for France, how he finally realized there was no reason for him to stay in the village anymore. That Linda left the company, he already knows. He tells him of how all the hours he's put in at his job, how he managed to climb the ladder from financial advisor at the bank in Leeds to a promotion for the head quarters in London to a recruitment working for the government. The story is impressive but Robert manages to tell it in a way that doesn't sound like bragging. That's the big difference from Robert nine years ago and this Robert. The big personality is still there but there's something a lot more coy about it, it's not showy and cocky. It's more human, more humble. Aaron likes it. 

It's inevitable really for them to brush on the subject of relationships. Robert already knows most of his story through Vic but he hasn't heard much the other way. Surprisingly, there's little to tell. The charming, can't be alone for long, sleeps with anyone attractive enough, Robert Sugden has only had a handful of people close to him during the nine years they've been apart, only two lasting past six months. 

”I don't know what to say” Robert shrugs when Aaron teases him about it, nearly looking embarrassed. ”I've been working too much. There hasn't been much time for play”. 

The discreet B&B Robert is staying at is small with only four room to its name. It smells like moth balls and Aaron suspects no one usually stays here very long. The owner, a sturdy woman, bustles around the tiny front room where they're sipping on an early whiskey. When she brings out the hoover, Robert taps on Aaron's arm, tilting his head for them to continue their conversation outside. The garden, wedged between two houses, is lush, green branches tangling their way up their walls. They find two rickety chairs, which they sit down cautiously on. Aaron leans forward, elbows pressed to his knees, afraid to put too much pressure on it. Despite the late afternoon, the sun is burning into his neck. It's in the middle of an unusual hot July and they've only recently taken their meet-ups to the B&B. Stéphane still doesn't suspect a thing. And any bruise Aaron's carried has been thoroughly covered or hidden away. The hot weather is making it harder and he knows people will start commenting on the long sleeves any day now. 

Warmer weather also means it's soon been a year since the event. He hates calling it an accident, no matter how much everyone else tells him it was. Accidents means noone is to blame and that's a notion he just can't support. Every emotion intensifies as the day draws closer and so does the tension at home. He finds himself going into Louis's room more often again, even the occasional night is spent there as the chains around his heart tightens their grip too hard. The injuries on his body is healed but the scars on his heart are still open scabs. 

Stéphane's behaviour has become even more erratic and he never knows what version of him he'll get from hour to hour. There are no longer any bottles in the bathroom cabinets and Aaron's not naive enough to tell himself they haven't been exchanged for something else. He finds himself more cautious than ever and he's grown possible even more quiet. 

Yann sees it, even the cleaning lady Stéphane hired last autumn sees it, but Robert hasn't caught on yet, to him he's just different from the person he used to be back in Emmerdale. Perhaps that's why it's easy talking to him, he isn't questioned on his behaviour as soon as it differs from how it's 'suppose to be' for others. 

”So, were they women or men?” It's a bit of a juvenile question but Robert's eyes sparkle with amusement as he looks up at him. 

”A bit of both actually if you must know” He suppresses a chuckle that comes out as a snort. He leans back, the chair creaking ominously. ”There were a few one night stands. Mostly women. Then there were a few shorter acquaintances, mostly men.” He drains his whiskey. ”Then there were two longer relationships, one with a woman, one with a man. The longest one being with the man”.

Aaron doesn't react. ”So why did it end then?” 

”Work. Always work” Robert lifts up his one leg over his knee, pulling at his trousers as they stretches around his knees and gets seemingly lost in his own thoughts for a moment. 

”I go home now” The moody owner suddenly huffs in broken English from the door, a checkered dust rag hanging from her hand. She points to the glasses, ”I put them on your room Mr. Livesy, yes?” 

”Oui, merci beaucoup” Robert smiles at her before turning to Aaron with a slightly mischievous grin. 

Aaron raises a challenging brow. ”Something you wanna tell me...Mr. Livesy?” He's not sure he should be flattered or annoyed. He opts for both. 

Robert shifts uncomfortably in his chair, gnawing at this lower lip before shrugging slightly. ”It's just a name innit. Couldn't use my own considering how things are”.

Aaron can sense the bullshit before he even hears it. ”It's not just a name though. It's my name” Aaron grits his teeth, feeling more and more annoyed for reasons he doesn't fully grip. It's not like he owns the name. Robert can use it if he wants. Anyone can. But it's the fact that he must have picked it before he even came looking for him. Perhaps even before he landed in France. And what does that really mean? 

”Look” Robert puts his feet back on the ground and faces Aaron. ”Can we not make a big deal out of this? I needed another name. Yours happened to pop into my head. That's all there is to it”.

”Fine. If you say so” Aaron mutters and takes a last swig of his whiskey, the suspicion never leaving him. As he stretches forward to put the glass on the table, his sleeve rises, revealing a nasty purple bruise which Robert's hawkeyes catches before he has a chance to pull the sleeve down. 

”That looks painful” Robert nods toward his wrist but there's nothing in his voice that indicates any suspicions. 

”It's fine” Aaron tugs at his sleeve and does his best to sound casual about it. ”I better go. It's getting late.” 

The hour for giving a believable excuse of having stayed at work late is way past as he gets home. The house is quiet and dark as he closes the door carefully behind him, only some light from the bedroom door is seeping through the slit at the bottom of the door, guiding him right. The little red dot from the TV is shining, nearly giving him a scare. 

It hadn't been this dark when he'd left Robert's B&B. Despite knowing he needed to get home he had to stop. He'd taken the long road home, decided to park the car overlooking the sea. Staring at it until the sun had dipped its glow completely into the dark water. He needed time to think. Let everything sink in without having anyone there to pull his thoughts in another direction. All the meetings with Robert, what did they really mean? Him using Livesy to when booking the B&B, why had he done that? They hadn't spoken for so many years and all of a sudden it was like they were best mates again, and if Aaron didn't know better there was every now and then a glance in Robert's eyes telling him he wanted more. But why would he? He didn't need all the aggro. They weren't perfect, but he had Stéphane and they could work through it, no matter how long it took. They loved each other. They were meant to be. They nearly got married for Christ's sake. 

He could still see the blood on his suit laying next to him as they had cut it off his body. He could feel someone gripping his hand as the sound of mumbles and metal bounced through his head. Little flashes like that came back to him every once in a while. Taunting him. Poking for entrance to his memory. As if he would forget. Sometimes he wondered if there would ever come a time where the good memories won over the bad ones. The good ones of Jackson were still fighting for dominance. 

Maybe, wherever they were, they could help each other out. Maybe, somewhere out there, in the big great blue, deep down at the very bottom in the darkest of places where man couldn't reach, they were swimming together. Louis making bubbles in the water and Jackson showing him just how long he could hold his breath. 

The wedding hadn't been brought up since the day. Any good that could ever come from it was gone. He needed to stay here, stay with Stéphane but the thought of marriage and the events it represented would forever make him break out in a sweat. But that didn't mean they couldn't find their way back to what they once shared. It seemed so distant now but he had to believe it could happen. They had been together for such a long time already for it just to dissolve into a nothingness. Robert could not charm his way back into his life and ruin things. He wouldn't let him. He had to say no. Had to let go of the new friendship they had started to build. The only reason he still agreed to seeing him was the comforting familiarity he provided. Despite eight years in France, it just didn't feel the same. He had thought about going home, let himself get wrapped up in his doting parents but what good would it do than prolong the grief and misery. He needed to stay here, work, let his mind dwell on numbers, laps, motors, rather than death. He wanted to think about life, the good things. The happy things. 

He was scared of letting Robert close to him again, but he was even more scared of realizing what he represented. He was new things, he was adventure and...life. And here in the dark of his home, Stéphane was nothing but death.

His stomach rumbles as his fingers curls around the fridge door, letting out its light into the dark, his eyes searching for something easy to eat, finally settling for some egg salad that might be way past its 'best by' date. 

”Working late?” 

Aaron nearly drops the fork he has just pulled from the top draw onto the floor at the voice coming from the sofa in the living room. Like a ghost was talking to him and the red dot on the TV was its one eye. 

”Yeah” he whispers, making his way over to the light switch. 

”I don't understand why you're lying” The darkness spoke again, sounding more broken than it had in a long time. He is nearly afraid to turn the light on, not knowing what he'll find out there. 

”I'm not” he speaks quietly, gently, afraid to disturb the darkness and quiet that had cloaked the house in a serenity it hadn't seen for months. His fingers trembles slightly as he contemplates disrupting the dark. 

After a few seconds, he finally flicks the button only to find Stéphane staring at him from the sofa. His posture straight, eyes hollow and lost, and he is holding something he hadn't for nearly a year; Louis's brown small teddy bear, one of the first they had gotten him. 

”Yann called looking for you” Stéphane continues, gently squeezing the little bear as he finally looks at Aaron. ”Are you leaving me?” 

The scared, small voice echos through the room and the question makes Aaron rush towards his side, sitting down next to him. ”No, of course not” he places his hand on Stéphane's knee, feeling hope igniting that maybe this could be the change he'd been hoping for, perhaps this was their turning point. It's the first time Stéphane has opened up and showed any sort of feelings that weren't built on rage. 

Stéphane drops his hand onto Aaron's, squeezing it a little too hard before removing it. ”I think you're lying Aaron”. His voice is monotone and empty and the sound of death is all too evident. ”I really don't like when you lie”.

”I'm not” Aaron says but can already feel Stéphane not believing his lies. ”I met an old friend. That's all” he admits, hoping it will ease Stéphane's mood. 

Stéphane leans forward and rubs his forehead, looking so distraught that Aaron thinks he might fall to the floor. It's only then he notices the teddy bear in his lap, how the back is broken and how pieces of white stuffing has crumbled all over Stéphane's lap. ”What's this?” He grabs the teddy from Stéphane's grip, staring at the bleeding back before desperately trying to scoop up all the white fuss scattered on the sofa and stuffing it back into the bear. ”It's broken. How did this happen?” He swallows back some tears. This is what he has been reduced to when no one is looking, a mess who cries about broken teddy bears. 

Unfaced, Stéphane rises, some of the filling falling to the floor. ”I broke it” The words rolls lazily off his tongue as he goes over to the kitchen counter and pours himself a glass of vodka. 

”Why-why would you do that?” Aaron stares at him and then back at the small bear in his hands that is looking up at him with its dark button eyes. They look a lot sadder than they used to. ”Answer me” Aaron rises, an angry finger pointing at Stéphane as he comes closer. ”It's Louis's favourite. You know that. Why would you break it!?”

It takes two long, quick steps for Stéphane to reach him and he's caught off guard of how determined they are. ”Well Louis isn't here anymore!” he screams at Aaron and before he has time to react, the glass of vodka is being crushed against his temple and he crashes into a shelf, knocking over both books and a couple of picture frames. There's no time to find his bearings before there's a couple of more punches to his face and one hard to his stomach that makes him kneel down on the floor, his hands landing in some of the broken glass, cutting their way into flesh. 

”Aaron, Aaron!” Stéphane shouts as Aaron writhes in pain, turning onto his back, crushing more of the glass underneath him. ”Aaron I'm so sorry” Stéphane cries and drops to the floor, taking his bleeding head into his lap. ”I'm sorry. I'm sorry” he sobs, stroking his hair.

Aaron doesn't have the strength to respond in any other way than drawing his knees close to his chest. The blood from his temple seeks its way into his mouth and he's too tired to fight off Stéphane's hold of him. Too lost to wipe his mouth. He dives under the surface, looking for a better place. Somewhere above water he can hear Stéphane's apologies. 

Is this really all that's left of them?

\--

The cigarette shakes between his trembling fingers and he coughs as the smoke and nicotine fills his lungs, causing him to press his hand on his ribs before they hurt too much. The last time he smoked was when they were expecting Louis, he wasn't going to inflict him to second hand smoking just because his father wasn't able to prioritize. He coughs again and pushes through the feeling of nausea. It only takes a few seconds more before the old familiar calm settles. Cigarettes always made him somewhat at ease. Something to focus on as the little glow burnt closer to his mouth. 

He takes another drag slightly awkwardly from the corner of his mouth, trying to avoid the area where his lip is split and swollen. The evening sun is warm against the house wall where he's spent most of the day. The glass is still left on the floor, along with his blood and his stomach is still left empty. He's not sure he's even slept. Neither has he managed to look himself in the mirror after getting cleaned up, but judging from the small slit of his right eye and the way his face hurt from every little twitch it can't be good. 

Even when Stéphane is home and calls for him he doesn't answer, knowing he won't come looking either, he hides outside and listens to him scraping the glass from the floor, and lights another cigarette as the previous falls to the ground with the rest of the stubs. The cap he's wearing is pressing to his temple, but he wants it there, just as he wants his big old sweater on, hood folded over his head. He wants to hide, crawl into himself. 

He left a text message, afraid his voice would reveal something was wrong, for Yann this morning, telling him he was sick and unable to make it in. A part of him wants to tell him the whole ugly truth, send him a picture of his face and let him figure out the rest. It would only mean a bigger mess so he always leaves it be and ignores it. This time it's harder to ignore it, as the cuts are deeper and more visible but acknowledging the true depth of it would make it too real and would likely leave him in a place he has no desire to visit. 

An engine from a car pulls him back to the present as it cuts out at the front of their house. Then there's a slam of a door, footsteps on gravel and their doorbell ringing, echoing through the house. He can hear Stéphane cursing in French from inside as the bell rings again. Curiousity is a dangerous thing and he tears his body away from the warm spot on the wall and sneaks closer to the front door, taking each step as quietly as possible. The door bell rings again and he can hear Stéphane unlocking their door and answering it angrily. 

"Hi, i'm.."

"Robert" Stéphane says sternly, causing Aaron's heart to beat a little quicker. He shouldn't be here. "I know who you are. I've seen you in the newspaper" Stéphane continues.

”I'm looking for Aaron. He wasn't at work and they told me he was homesick”.

”Well he's not here”.

”Right...ok. Can you tell him I was looking for him?”

”Sure”.

The door slams shut unexpectedly quick and he turns, trying to hurry out of sight despite his inability to run, but he's not quick enough as Robert calls out his name, making him halt as if he'd been a cartoon character. 

Fuck. Robert can't see him like this. There's nowhere to escape and the only thing he can do is keep his head to the ground and pull the hood a little tighter. 

”Aaron” Robert tries again but he keeps his back turned to him. ”Aaron, what's wrong?”

”Nothing. I'll call you later yeah?” he tries sounding confident but his voice is broken and his mouth unable to form the words correctly. 

He can feel Robert approaching him and he jolts a little as his hand touches his shoulder. ”Aaron, what's going on?” he asks, voice nearly a whisper. 

Aaron shakes his hand away. ”Robert. Just go. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?” He's still facing the house wall, pleading that Robert won't push any further. 

”Aaron, come on. Talk to me” He grabs his shoulder and pulls him around as Aaron is too weak to fight against it. Both his neck and ribs throbbing in pain as he does so, the cigarette dropping to the grass. ”Jesus fuck!” Robert jumps back as he catches a look of his face before he can turn his head down again. ”What happened?” He tries lifting his head with a finger but Aaron bats it away and turns his head away from Robert as he listens to his worries. ”Who did this? Did he do it? He did, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill the French little twat” Robert furiously spats so hard that Aaron needs to grab his jacket before he goes off and does something stupid.

”Robert...” his voice crumbles and he has to take a deep breath before he can continue. ”Just leave it, yeah” he says, finally looking at Robert pleadingly. ”It's fine”

”Yeah it fucking looks like it!” Robert seethes, shaking from anger. He keeps clenching his fist over and over, not sure where to put his hands. ”The bruise on your arm. That's him too isn't it? How long has this been going on for?”

Tired, Aaron leans his head against the wall and lights another cig. He lets it hang from the corner of his mouth as he puts back the nearly empty packet in his pocket that he stole from Stéphane's study early in the morning, before he was even up. He's kept it there for years. ”A backup plan” he'd called it, if the craving ever got too bad. 

”Rob-” The old nickname for him rolls out of his mouth before he can stop it. ”I need to deal with this myself. You weren't suppose to see this.”

”Yeah I bet no one was. How long are you planning to call in sick ey? Those bruises won't fade in a week. Or are you gonna tell 'em you walked into a door or something?” Robert spats angrily to be full of remorse the second after. ”I'm sorry. But you can't let him do this to you”.

Aaron closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale, this time he doesn't cough. The wind catches the ash at the end of the cig, causing little glowing sparks flying off into the air. ”I'm alright” he insists, a grim expression painted across his face. ”Now, you need to go” he says determinedly. ”And you need to keep this to yourself. If I fucking hear that you've told anyone back home, this is the last time I'll ever talk to you”.

Robert opens his mouth to say something but stops and shakes his head slightly as he sees Aaron's face that is full of determination. ”It ain't right. It ain't right” he repeats as he starts backing away, and Aaron knows he knows he can't win this fight. 

He takes a last drag of the cig and flicks it away as he hears a car door opening and closing. 

\--

”Got in the way of an ugly bar fight” Aaron lies to Yann about a week later as the yellow bruises still clings to his face. Yann murmurs a 'mmhuh' and looks at him suspiciously. Robert hasn't been in contact and Aaron tells himself it's better this way, they were getting closer than he's comfortable with again. 

It's equally quiet on the home front, almost as if they're at a standstill, neither one of them wanting to make a move. Stéphane has made his empty apologies a few times, even cried a few times begging Aaron to stay, promising that he'll be better.

The door clicks and Stéphane's familiar steps shuffles along the floor until he reaches the living room. The tie is hanging loose around his neck, the top button of his shirt is open and his mouth is slightly ajar, lip bruised and bloody. 

”What happened?” Aaron asks, frowning, as he lifts his feet off of the sofa table and throws the magazine he's been reading to the side. He doesn't get up to look at the wounds. 

Stéphane puffs. ”Your little thug friend sent a message, that's what happened” he spits and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. He staggers closer to Aaron and the smell of alcohol is reeking from him. ”If you're so unhappy here, maybe you should leave” Stéphane points his finger at him, eyes closed to slits. 

Aaron's face grows stern and he can feel his heart raising. ”What exactly did he say?”. 

”He, didn't say anything” Stéphane pulls at the one end of the tie, making it come loose, before he crumbles the silk in his hand. ”But his lackeys told me to leave you alone. Didn't take long to recognize them from the newspapers. No wonder he's on the run with unfriendly people like that surrounding him”. He slumps down on the sofa next to Aaron and clumsily starts pulling off his jacket. ”Why did you have to go and gossip to him huh? We were dealing with it, weren't we?” he asks in a pitiful voice and he throws the jacket to the side, aiming for a chair but it lands on the floor. He stares at the fabric and clicks his tongue. ”Maybe he's right. Maybe you should leave”.

”No” Aaron protests instantly, making the message loud and clear with the determination from his voice. 

The protests causes Stéphane to turn towards him, his demeanor suddenly changed from resignation to anger and he grabs the back of Aaron's neck, pressing his head closer to his and squeezing the skin hard. ”Then maybe you should be more careful on what you go around telling people”.

Aaron clenches his jaw, breathing heavily through his nose as the pain takes over but he won't let him see it, he won't give him the satisfaction. ”Yeah. Course” he says slowly in as strong of a voice that he can muster. Stéphane pushes his head away. 

–

”You think you can do whatever you want do you?” Aaron screams and shoves Robert up against the wall, knocking a frame to the floor, as soon as he comes through the door of the B&B. Robert's bodyguards are instantly all over him, dragging him back, both holding each of his arm.

”It's fine. Let him go” Robert sighs and picks the frame from the floor. ”C'est d'accord” he tells the owner who has just rushed into the hall to see what all the racket is about. ”Just let him go” Robert says again as Aaron is still steaming and struggling against the two men. As soon as they do, he's all over him again, repeatedly pushing his shoulders back. Robert shakes his head a little as he looks over his shoulder and this time the bodyguards disappears into another room. 

”All your interfering. All your scheming and threats, they didn't work on me then and they won't work on me now. All they do is make things worse” Aaron speaks through gritted teeth, fisting the fabric of Robert's shirt and once again holding him up against the wall. To his surprise, Robert doesn't move, he stands still and lets Aaron hold him. He's quiet and there's no sign of anger or annoyance in his face. When no reaction comes, Aaron gives him another hard shove and lets go. ”Just stay away from me” he grumbles and takes a step closer to the door. 

”Aaron, wait.” Robert grabs his wrists but lets go as soon as Aaron stares back at him. ”I'm sorry”. Sighing, he leans his head against the wall, tilting it up to the ceiling. ”I just couldn't watch him do that to you”. Some tears are spilling from his eyes and Aaron looks away, feeling awkward, like he's watching something forbidden. There's only been a handful of times when he's seen Robert cry and it causes his mood to soften. 

”Well, it is the way it is” Aaron mumbles quietly and a lot calmer. He's still looking away, partly because he's ashamed over the whole situation he's in and partly because Robert out of all people has to be the one to see it. 

”It doesn't has to be” Robert reaches for his arm, trying to make him look at him.

Biting his lower lip, Aaron shrugs a shoulder with a shake of the head. ”Well, I deserve it don't I?”

”So what, this is some sort of fucked up self harming again is it?” Robert's anger bounces between the walls of the narrow hall and the tension is suddenly a lot thicker between them. In just a second they've been brought back more than a decade, to other emotions, to other conflicts. 

”No” Aaron offers angrily as his only explanation. 

”You don't deserve any of this. It's not your fault Aaron. You didn't kill your son” Robert pushes, wanting more out of him than he's willing to give. 

”I know that” He does knows that. He's been working through those emotions plenty of times to try and stop the self-blaming and self-hate. Sometimes it works and sometimes it's all he can think of and he's knocked down to the floor. But underneath it all, far down in the dark his instinct tells him he couldn't have done anything differently and during the really bad days, that's what he needs to rely and cling to. 

”Then what?”

There's an itch boiling deep inside, making his skin crawl, making the hall feel smaller and more intimidating than it really is. It's like there's a volcano below surface, spewing soot and heat and he has to fight real hard not to let it reach the surface. ”Don't you think I could hit him back? I think we both know how easy it would be for me”. He scratches at his arms and knows he hasn't answered Robert's question. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he doesn't want to acknowledge the answer. 

”Then why don't you?” Robert's looking at him with big question marks hanging above his head. 

”Because it's his house innit?” The explanation will have to do. He need to get out of the house, before Robert can say anything more, before he suffocates. 

”Well buy yourself a new one, I'm sure you can afford it” Robert argues, still not catching on to what's really going on. 

Aaron shakes his head vehemently, biting his nails, anything to distract him. ”You don't understand” 

”What? You can tell me” Robert assures and puts his hand over Aaron's that has reached for the door handle. 

Aaron stares at their hands, pausing briefly, the calm that has spread through the pit of his stomach of knowing he can make his way out of here slowly fading away, not even acknowledging the way Robert's hand is lingering on his. He turns slowly towards Robert, ”Just leave it”. 

”No, what?” Robert insists more persistently. 

”Because Louis's room is in that house!” he screams as the volcano finally erupts, lava being thrown high above surface, making his eyes full of heat and anger. ”It's the only thing I got left of him!” he shouts and now there are tears tipping over the edge of his eyes. ”I can't leave that house, I just, I have to be there. I have to put up with Stéphane's mood because I can't leave it.” he says, shaking his head again and looking down to the floor. ”I won't. I.. I...” The rest of the words are muffled against Robert's shirt as Robert presses his body against his, two arms holding him tight as his head buries into his neck and he can feel the wetness from his own cheeks mixing with Robert's tears. 

”I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry” Robert whispers over and over again. ”It will be ok. Somehow it will. It will”.

They stand like that for a long time until all the tears are out and there are no more to be shed. Aaron wishes it wasn't Robert, wishes he'd never come back into his life. Wishes things could be different. He knows it won't end up good, how could it? But there is just no energy in him to push him away or to be alone with his grief so he lets Robert hold him and he can feel it actually mean something. Within the thuds of his heart and the selective thoughts of their happy times, there are too many emotions stirring that he doesn't need to feel right now. He's been happy for a long time in France, for a lot more years than he ever had with Robert. He doesn't need him to mess with his head further than it already is. 

”Rob you need to back away” Aaron says when he finally lets go, gently pressing his palm against Robert's chest, mind made up that it's the best before things go too far. Into an area he can't control. 

Robert holds his hand, stroking his thumb against Aaron's knuckles. ”I can't” he whispers, and swallows heavy as his eyes focuses on skin touching skin. ”I don't want to leave you like this” There's almost a plead to his voice. ”I still really care about you you know” he whispers, quickly wiping away an escaping tear, but without looking away from their hands.

”Rob...”

”No, just listen” Robert interrupts him. ”I know what you'll say. You'll say that I don't know what I feel, that I'm confused or something. But I'm not Aaron, I'm not. My mind's been clear for a long time. I've tried denying it, tried being with other people but it never works. It just doesn't. Because they're not you. And nine years is a very long time of loving someone who doesn't love you back or doesn't even know what you feel so I need to say this” he pauses and finally looks up at Aaron. ”I still love you. I never stopped. And I know it may be selfish of me to tell you that right now, I know that, this isn't about me, but I do love you and that's why I can't watch quietly while someone hurts you. And I know I've hurt you too Aaron, so bad. I know that. But it's not me anymore. I'm calmer now, more honest. Ask anyone, ask Vic. The only reason I work so hard is to forget about you, to stop feeling what I feel and when all what's happening around me happened, I didn't plan on going here, I didn't. But then Vic told me everything that had happened and I thought that maybe you needed an old friend that could stay longer than Adam or anyone else back home can. I wasn't trying to take advantage. I just wanted to be your friend. But the more we've talked and when I saw you that day, all bruised and battered. I don't know how you expect me to just walk away when...” his voice glitches and he reaches for Aaron's other hand as well. ”Aaron...don't you see. You're my soulmate. I'll always come back”.

Blinking his disbelief away, Aaron can almost feel the neurons and receptors trying to make all the new connections that has just been thrown at them, working frantically for anything of it to make sense. To connect heart with brain and reason and logic and feeling and want with confusion. ”I can't” he backs away, slipping his hands out of Robert's. ”It's too much”. The pain written across Robert's face is one he's never seen before and it pains him as he opens the door. ”I'm sorry”. 

–

At first he thinks nothing of it. He just figures Robert is doing what he asked him to; staying away. Ever since that day when he confessed to so much, Aaron's feelings has been in a turmoil. Even worse than before. But before it was about grief and pain, now they're infused with something that looks a lot like caring, perhaps even to the point of infatuation. It's unexpected and nothing he wished for, but the longer Robert stays away, the more Aaron misses him. After months of silence and neither Vic or Diane knowing of his whereabouts when he casually asks them about how he's doing, he doesn't know what to think. 

He's driven by the B&B a couple of times, half of the times he's stayed in his car, the other half he's gone in asking for him on which the owner has sighed and tried explaining that she still hasn't heard anything from him, that he left in early August and that it's none of her business where her former guests go. 

Even the newspapers are void of anything Robert Sugden, or Livesy or whatever name they're listing him as. It's radio silence on all possible channels. No matter how hard he tries pushing them down, the pessimistic thoughts of the possibility that someone finally caught up to him seeps into his mind far too often. Perhaps he's out there too now, in the ocean, in the very deep dark. 

The anniversary of the event soon comes and goes, Stéphane stays quiet and they actually manage to have a meaningful day together at the cemetery. To his surprise, Stéphane is calm even well into the autumn, only snapping once around early November, leaving him with a new set of fresh bruises. Yann has started asking him about them, trying to get him to talk, to suggest they hang out more but he always comes up with some pitiful excuse to avoid it. As winter knocks on the door he makes his best efforts to push every thought of Robert away, but the more days, weeks that passes, he can feel his anger rising. The frustration fills his cup, lately, over everything. His job that seems to be going in circles, Robert's absence, his constant grief for Louis and the need to somewhat move on...and Stéphane's agitated mood that once again gets worse when Christmas is around the corner, and New Years...and his birthday. Anger, frustration and hate. Everything pecks at him, every little thing is pushing the joints that are holding him together beyond their limits. 

Until the day when they finally snap. 

The slick wheels of his black Audi turns left and parks next to Stéphane's car on their driveway. The engine dies after he pulls the key out but he makes no attempt at opening the door. Sighing heavily, he leans his head back against the smooth leather, closing his eyes. It's as if he's been swallowing concrete and glue as his body feels pressed down heavily against the seat. He doesn't want to leave its comfort, if he could just stay here, not having to deal with the world anymore. Where it's quiet without disruptions, without hiccups and spewed words and fear and disgust. He'll stay here, where he doesn't have to face it all. Where everything is just as it should be and nothing and no one can touch him. His thumb hoovers over his mum's name in his phone. It's been nearly 1½ years since they've seen each other and she's pushed to come and visit more times than he can count for, but how could she? She would see through him right away. So many things have been taken away from him, his son, his happily ever after, his friend, his family...his freedom.

From out of nowhere, there's a knock at his window and for a split second Aaron thinks his mind is playing tricks on him, that it's a ghost flashing against the reflection in the glass. It takes another second before he unfreezes and his brain kicks into gear again, pushing the door open. There's no need or time for friendly 'hellos', the first few joints pops and he leaps out of the car, throwing his whole body forward to the point that he's pressing Robert up against Stéphane's car, setting off the car alarm. 

”I thought you were dead! Not even a word!” he screams, lips so close to his face that his saliva hits Robert's cheeks. 

Robert holds his hands up in defeat, as Aaron shows no sign of letting go. ”I'm sorry!” he shouts back and all of a sudden Aaron's arms are weak and face dropped into his chest and arms circling his waist and it is as if they're back in that hall at the B&B again. Only this time it doesn't even last half as long as Aaron instantly takes a step back, wiping his hand across his face. 

”I thought you were dead” He's calmer this time. Too calm. He should be angry, for how he's felt over the last months, but he can't and despite of everything the corner of his mouth are tugging for attention, for release and there's like a giant wave rolling through him, coming from his stomach, puffing out air until the first wave crashes against the shore and it turns into a laugh. Which keeps going, keeps rolling through him, and there's this gentle release washing through his body and he laughs even more. He hasn't laughed since before the accident.

Robert stares at him, his face filled with confusion and he tries a small unsure chuckle. ”I don't understand what's funny”.

There are tears in Aaron's eyes for completely different reasons when he finds his calm enough to answer. ”Nothing. That's just it. Nothing is funny anymore. And that's just hilarious on it's own innit?”

”Are you ok?” Robert looks concerned at him.

”No” Aaron shakes his head, the laughter quickly fading away. ”I'm not ok at all” he admits and it might just be the first time he's said it out loud. 

Cool winds are sweeping in from the ocean, painting their noses red as they stand staring at each other. The car alarm finally dies and a blanket of serenity lands over them. 

”I had to stay away” Robert finally says and Aaron willingly accepts what sounds like an explanation. ”I had to go away. Had to lay low before the trial. And also because I've started something big. Can't tell you yet though, but if it works out, well...things will be good” There's a hint to a smirk on his lips but it never becomes boastful. 

Aaron cocks an eyebrow. ”Still scheming ey?”

”Last time. Promise”.

”You've said that before”.

”I know” he pushes his tongue against his cheek. ”But this time I mean it” And something in his eyes tells Aaron he can believe it. ”Look, Aaron. I shouldn't really be here, it's too risky right now, but I had to come see you. Had to let you know that I'm still alive, I contacted Vic two days ago and she said you'd be wondering about me”. 

”Well you were dead to the world”.

”And I'm sorry. Last time we met... well I figured it wouldn't matter to you”.

”Well it fucking matters ok” Aaron raises his voice. ”It was just too much. That's a huge fucking bomb to drop on me when I had so many other feelings going on”.

”I'm sorry”.

”At least you've gotten better at apologizing, ey” Aaron teases. 

Robert chuckles, a warm smile making him appear younger ”I guess”. 

”What now then?” Aaron asks, leaning against the garage door. ”You staying somewhere else this time?”

Robert shakes his head. ”I'm going home tomorrow. The trial starts next week.” Biting his lips, he hesitates his next words. ”Everything I said back then. It's still real. And I came here, hoping to persuade you to come with me. But if you wanna stay, then I'll have to accept that. And I completely understand if you do. But if you wanna take a chance, away from all of this. Start fresh. Then, check your phone tonight, there's an available seat on the plane, booked in your name”.

Robert backs away, not waiting for an answer. With a last smile directed towards Aaron, he slips into the black car, tinted windows that's waiting for him across the street. Aaron watches it disappear down the hills and it's as if he's just dreamt the whole thing. That serene feeling is gone and the anger starts reappearing again, pushing another joint to its breaking point. 

He locks his car, sweeping his fingers across the hood. It's cool, icy even. All the cars, everything he's built. All that he's made of himself during his years here. He'd never gotten these kind of opportunities back home. As much as France has ripped away from him, it's also given him so much. How can he afford letting that go? How can he afford not to? 

”So your little thug friend is back then?” Stéphane asks the second he gets back into the house. 

Aaron looks at him with a frown, ignoring to answer. 

”Hey, answer me!” Stéphane shouts but Aaron doesn't listen. He takes a bee line to Louis's room, it's the only place he bears to be. 

”Hey!” Stéphane grabs his arm, pulling him backwards before his hand reaches the door knob. And that's when the final joints snap. 

It's been a long time since his fist has landed on someone's jaw and the first punch is rusty. The second is better, and the third, when he sinks to the floor is as strong as it can be. ”You don't get to fucking touch me anymore” he screams, face red and saliva flying in Stéphane's direction where he's lying on the floor, blood leaking from several places. He takes a few steps back, not wanting to play this game anymore but fueled by so much pent up anger that is finding it's release he's unable to step away. He grabs the lapels of Stéphane's jacket, pulling him up and nearly throwing him over the kitchen counter. ”Why did you have to ruin us?! We could have made it through! We could have still had a good life!” He shakes his whole body, hoping some truths will fall out. But Stéphane just looks terrified back at him and it's the eyes of someone he doesn't even know anymore. A stranger he shares a house with, not a home. 

He locks himself in Louis's room, sliding down next to the bed, grabbing one of the teddy bears that sits propped up against the wall with a bunch of others, just the way Louis liked it. Pulling his knees up to his chin he squeezes it tight against his chest. The smell of Louis is long gone, sometimes even the sound of his giggles slips from his mind. All that's really left are the memories and a bunch of stuff. 

–

He still holds the teddy bear when stepping out of the taxi. He never puts it down. Not even when he struggles with the two big bags he's packed in a haste and that are filled with tiny clothes, hard drives filled of photos, books, more stuffed animals and a few items of his own. 

It stays with him when he reluctantly lets go of the bags to the lady behind the desk. It bounces up and down as he hurries through the endless building. He presses it against him when he thinks he's too late, that it was all for nothing. 

His fingers crooks into the soft fabric as a kind man lets him through and when he's alone on the bus passing through endless of bright lights and loud engines he hides his face into it. When the bus stops and the door opens, he holds it tighter at the sight of Robert standing alone on the steps leading up to the plane. 

A wide grin spreads across both their faces as he walks up the metal staircase. 

”I didn't think you'd come”.

Aaron holds the teddy bear in one of its hands and lets it dangle at his side. His other hand reaches out for Robert who instantly takes it. ”Let's go home” he says, pulling him into the airplane. 

It's two minutes past midnight when they board the plane and Robert has just turned 43.


	7. 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert live their lives back in England, but who are they now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm a bit nervous to post this because it takes a direction (or rather, shows it) you probably didn't expect haha.   
> But when I started this story I needed to make Robert reeeeeeally famous for something, something that would write him into history  
> books and for him to be someone people would remember long after he was gone. Well, maybe I went a bit over the top with it, but oh well, it's just fun isn't it. Besides, I kinda think it suits him ;)

_”Did they ever return? To France?”_

_”In work sometimes, mostly to Paris, and a few times down to Marseille. For Aaron. And for Louis.” She wrinkles her forehead. ”They never saw Stéphane again though, not that I know at least. Thank god for that. Never knew what happened to him”._

_He nods. Maybe he shouldn't, but he can't help feeling a tad sorry for him. Getting hit by tragedy and then down-spiraling in that way he wouldn't wish for anyone and he can sense it's sorta out of ones control. ”What happened at the trial then? How did it go?” he asks, changing the subject._

_”Oh. All charges dropped. In the end.” she adds, nodding towards him. ”It was a long and ugly process but they had nothing on him. All he had done was speak the truth. Well, you can read about it in most history books I guess”._

_He vaguely remembers some of it from school. ”That business he was starting. It's the BBPD isn't it?”_

_”BBPD was a result of it yes” she corrects. ”What a success that turned out to be!” she chuckles loudly._

**50.**

Aaron grabs his water bottle and shakes it, there's still some left at the bottom. It's only seven in the morning, the sun has hardly risen, but one of his grueling sessions in the gym is already over. He tilts his head from side to side, stretching his neck, feeling the tense muscles working. Four times a week at 5:45 he's down here putting in the hard work and whipping his body into better shape than it has ever been. Robert calls it his mid-life crise but crisis or not, never could he have imagined lifting weights would be so enjoyable. Running, that had always been his thing, but the Mediterranean weather had been much more agreeing to his injured leg. Rainy London weather was not. He'd done his fair share of laps around Hyde Park, but every time he'd gotten back with a slight worse limp than the time before and Robert had gotten more annoyed with him for not taking care of himself better. To the extent that it had been his idea to extend the basement in the backyard to a gym and at the same time making the most of their small, narrow garden sitting above. 

Aaron takes the stairs two steps at a time, heading straight for the fridge, the small granola bar he'd had when he first woke up was long gone. A loud sneeze startles him before he enters the kitchen and he finds Robert sitting with a tablet in his one hand, a tissue in the other. 

”I thought you'd left for work?” Aaron asks surprised and grabs a bottle of fresh orange juice from the counter. 

”Hey, that's mine” Robert argues. ”I have a damn cold”

”What? You were fine last night?” He pours himself a glass and puts it back for Robert. ”They don't need you at work today then?” he asks, knowing how dependent they all are on him. They work so many late nights between them he sometimes wonder what they really need a posh townhouse for, a place to sleep would have been more than sufficient.

”They got my number” Robert mumbles and removes his glasses as he sneezes again. ”Fuck. It's the fucking airplane germs, you'd think they would have come up with a solution to them by now, wouldn't you?” 

”Maybe you should stop flying so much then” Aaron teases and adds a scoop of protein powder to a purple shaker bottle. 

”Nah, it's not the flying. You know what it really is, it's the shitty weather” Robert grabs another tissue and blows his nose. ”We should do like Vic and Adam, go somewhere warm and nice. You, me, a beach, and a couple of mojitos”.

”Hey, points to you for not forgetting that they're going away” Aaron says, gulping down his shake. 

”When do I ever forget things?”

Aaron cocks a brow, slightly shaking his head. ”I'm still picking up the boys though, aren't I?” Robert just nods with a sniffle. ”Yeah I thought so.”

They're not sure how it started, perhaps it was the excitement of the big city that kept them nagging to come back or that two uncles meant double the fun but Vic and Adam's sons had been spending so much time with them they sometimes felt like an extra set of parents. The topic of having children on their own had only been brought up a few times, neither one of them feeling a strong urge, Aaron wasn't sure he could go through it again and Robert felt no need to interrupt their busy lives. Having Miles and Milton with them was enough. They each had one of the guest rooms designated for them, they even kept some stuff around. Even though they lived a good few hours apart, big parts of their holidays and school breaks were spent here with them. So much so that Vic and Adam sometime spent their own holiday down in London too to get the chance to even see their own kids. But this time, they were off for a couple of weeks to Hawaii as a late 40th present for Vic. They had been forced by Robert to book their flight to be back by his big 5.0. 

”Want me to bring something home for you?” Aaron has just gotten out of the shower and is getting dressed for work when Robert sinks down on the bed, pulling the covers over him and making sure his phone is on. 

”Some Strepsils maybe. Mint, not the strawberry flavour, they don't help at all.” He reaches for the remote on Aaron's bedside table and turns the TV on. 

”Right, see you tonight then. Get better yeah” He leans down and gives Robert a kiss on the forehead that makes them both smile. ”And drink water!” he shouts when he's already halfway down the stairs.

..

It shouldn't have surprised him really, but it did. Photographers taking his picture, seeing his face plastered all over some cheap mag. Men trying their luck if he was out alone. Reporters calling them every now and then looking for a new angle of the miracle story or demanding answers to the latest uproar of their own concoction. 

Sometime during the course of the latest years they had turned into some sort of London power-couple who everyone wanted a piece of. It was Robert who they really wanted to get at but Aaron was along for the ride. Considering his private nature, all of it was as uncomfortable as it could get. But they both loved what they were doing so they just had to get on with it.

The only time he became extra fed up with it and annoyed was when it affected his family. Once BBPD had gotten the official go ahead, phones had been ringing non-stop and even their families were being hunted down for answers. Nearly five years later they were still ringing, albeit not so much. 

On the rare occasion they were however for him, but mostly it was during the aftermath of a crash or something alike. Demanding the answer to the impossible question: how could this happen? He never had a straight answer because it was exactly the same thing he wondered and he'd devoted his life to finding the answer. After his job for Renault, getting employed with the McLaren Technology Center was an easy task. The hard one was building the uncrashable car. 

”Come on guys, not now” he asks the photographers as nicely as he can while putting his hand in front of him when they get too close. As quickly as possible, he leads Milton and Miles through the Kings cross train station to his awaiting car. 

”Just one more Aaron”, ”Robert's not with you today?”, ”Looking good today Aaron” The photographers prods as they run along next to them. A few people stop and stare at them, at the spectacle or because they know him, he's not sure. He should be used to it by now, but every time they catch up with them it feels just as odd. 

”Will we be in the newspaper now?” Milton asks enthusiastically as he struggles to carry his big sports bag and keep up with the pace. 

”Don't sound so happy about it” Aaron frowns and lifts the bag from Milton, throwing it across his torso. 

”Oh come on Uncle Aaron, it's fun” Miles chirps up and pulls a face at the cameras, the clicking sound of the heavy lenses increasing. 

”You can take them with you when you go home later then” Aaron suggests and opens the back of the big four by four, not agreeing with the enthusiastic teens. ”Right get in the car” he demands as the paparazzis fires off a few more flashes way too close for his liking. He bites the inside of his cheeks to will the urge of shouting some obscenities down. 

It's not until they're all buckled up and the photographers get smaller in the rearview mirror that his frown disappears. ”Right, tell me, what's new?” he asks as he navigates out onto the busy London streets.

”Miles got a girlfriend!” Milton laughs from the backseat as if he's been waiting for the right opportunity to spill his brother's secret. 

”Oh yeah?” Aaron tries sounding encouraging about it and less like an embarrassing parent but he's not sure his question does the trick as the teenager folds his arm and sinks back into his seat with a sigh and a 'whatever'. Aaron decides to let it be and throws a glance into the mirror to meat Milton's eyes. ”What about you then kid? You done with the science project?” With Aaron being the most technical out of the four of them, they had spent many Skype hours trying to work on his project for school long distant. 

”Yeah, got an B+!” Milton declares proudly and turns to look out the window and the big city, he's seen it before but every time they take this drive he looks equally impressed by it all. It's dark already but there are enough street lights to reflect back in his face. Aaron catches his big, impressed eyes and as he so often do when looking at him, his mind slips over to Louis. He would have been twelve, only a year younger than Milton and he can't help wondering if he'd talked about the same things, had the same curiosity about the world and being just as enthusiastic. It had been hard being around him in the beginning and he had even stopped them a few times from coming or put all his focus on Miles to be able to cope. They all knew about it, there was no point in hiding those feelings. These days even the boys knew about it and no one really questioned the tight bound that had formed between Aaron and Milton. It was almost as if he'd been given a new chance. Robert made sure Miles never felt left out and so it had become natural that they were a bit closer to each other. 

Aaron smiles and feels his heart swell with pride. ”That's great kid”.

”What have you gotten Robert then?” Miles decides to join the conversation and sits up a little straighter again. ”You haven't bought anything yet, have you?” he sighs as soon as Aaron hesitates a little with his answer.

”I haven't had the time. And I was kinda hoping you guys could help me”. It wasn't as if he hadn't tried. Buying a birthday present for Robert was impossible on normal birthdays but getting him something on his 50th was improving an almost impossible task. Besides, what did you get someone who already had it all, or could at least buy himself anything he liked? 

”You could propose” Milton grins from the backseat.

”Yeah come on Aaron. What are you two waiting for?” Miles teases instantly. 

”Yeah I don't think so” Aaron snorts. It's not the first time they've been bugging them to get married, no doubt egged on by Vic and Adam and his own mother, but they are too big of a cowards to bring it up themselves. In a way they're already married, they live together, they're in each other's will and these days Robert more or less goes under the Livesy name anyway despite not owning it. Everyone at his work call him Mr. Livesy. Even the papers call them 'the Livesys'. After returning to France, where he'd first started using it, it had sorta just stuck. After his alias became known to the public, that's the only name Robert was suddenly acquainted with and when he formed the British Bureu of Protection and Diffence, that's the name he signed with. He knows Robert would be up for marriage, but he stopped asking about it a long time ago, knowing he won't get anywhere. 

The boys are chatting away, trying to get a reaction, as he makes a left and leaves Westway for West Cross, then another left for Holland Park Avenue, then a right, passing the park, a few more turns that goes rather quickly now that they're away from the worst traffic rush, and they're home. Kensington. How he let Robert persuade him to live in this neighbourhood is still a mystery. Amongst the rich ladies with their pearl necklaces and their poodles, he doesn't feel quite at home. The house is really nice though, he can't deny that. 

Parked in front of the house, he shuffles a couple of the grocery bags into Miles's hands and picks up the rest along with their bags. Milton locks the car and unlocks the front door. The automatic light seem to be broken and they're left fumbling up the steps in the dark. 

”We're home” Aaron shouts and slams the door close with his foot once they're inside. The whole ground-floor is clad in darkness and he tells Milton to turn the lights on in the kitchen. ”Are you here?!” he shouts up the stairs before he goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries on the kitchen island and starts to unpack. Miles has already planted himself down on the big armchair in the corner of the kitchen and pulled his phone from the pocket. The little screen illuminates his face and Aaron catches him smiling.

”Hey” comes a croak from the door opening. Robert is dressed in his navy dressing gown and looks possible worse than he did this morning. It doesn't stop the boys from leaping into his embrace however. ”How are you guys?” he coughs out and hugs them tighter. 

”Better than you” Miles frown and hops up on one of the bar stools. Milton soon copies him. 

”It's just a damn cold” Robert explains and starts rummaging through the grocery bags. ”Are my Strepsils in here?”

”They're here” Aaron finds them immediately and hands them over. He looks at Robert, eyes narrowed. ”Have you been drinking today?” Robert avoids to answer with more than a grumble and it takes about two seconds before Aaron has filled a tall glass of water for him. ”Here. Drink. All of it. Don't be a baby”.

Miles and Milton laugh a little and Robert frowns at them and takes a few big gulps before popping a Strepsil into his mouth. 

”What are we having for tea?” Milton asks while Miles once again dives into his phone. 

”Well our chef is sick” Aaron smiles at Robert who takes a seat next to Miles, peering at his phone as he does. ”I was thinking pizza...” he trails off and finds the pizza menu among the pile of papers next to the fridge. ”Pick whatever you want” he slips the menu over to Milton. 

”I want a Margarita” Miles says without looking up from his phone. 

”Yeah me too” Robert says, snaking an arm around Miles's shoulders before grabbing his hand so he can read what it says on his phone. ”Is she cute?” he whispers and receives an elbow in the side from the teenager. He soon smiles coyly behind his blush. 

About an hour later Robert is munching on the last slice of pizza as the rest of them are sprawled out next to him on the big sofa. Aaron has made them all popcorn and they're half way into the movie that no one seems to bothered about. Miles is still on his phone, Milton is trying to catch the light from his brother's phone as he's reading a book and Aaron nods off every few minutes. Robert coughs a little which wakes him again and he rubs at his eyes for the umpteenth time. 

”Shouldn't you go to bed?” Robert smiles at him, some teasing hidden behind his voice which Aaron is well aware of being about the many times he's fallen asleep to a movie. 

”Yeah yeah. Shouldn't you? You're the one that's sick”.

”Slept all day, haven't I”. 

Milton looks away from his book. ”Robert, why aren't you having a big party?”

This jolts Aaron wide awake and he folds his arm, looking at Robert. ”Yeah Robert, why aren't you?” They've discussed it several times and Robert has made Aaron swear he won't throw him a surprise party either. He would never admit it out loud, but Aaron knows he actually dreads turning 50 and sees no reason to celebrate it in big style. The only reason he's asked Vic and Adam to be there is to keep everyone off his back about not celebrating at all. 

”I don't want a big fuss. I don't have time for a big fuss. I have other things to do” He stutters awkwardly and sneezes suddenly, having to pull a tissue from his pocket. ”I think I better go to bed after all. Right. 'night guys.” 

Aaron laughs and stands up too. ”You'll be alright right, you know where everything is?” he asks the boys and receives a couple of mumbles back. ”Night”. He catches Robert half way up the stairs and digs his fingers into his side. ”Just admit, you hate it, you hate it” he teases and tickles Robert some more. 

”Oy cut it!” Robert squirms and coughs. ”I'm sick...and old” he says.

Aaron puts his hand around his neck, squeezing gently. ”Come on old man. Let's get you to bed” he smiles, momentarily stopping to look at Robert who unaware of his stare shuffles into the bedroom. 50 years old he thinks to himself and silently chuckles. It's hard to believe they have known each other for over 20 years, it's even harder to believe they still do after everything. All those years ago, when it was all a secret, when they hurt so many, it's almost as if the years doesn't exist anymore, as if they were a peculiar dream from a sleepless night. The old, selfish, manipulating Robert is also a distant memory. There's still the tough, demanding trait in him, but he's so much more now than he ever was. Kind, helpful, loving...grey strands in his hairs, reading glasses and a few extra pounds around his waist. It's the best version of Robert that has ever been and he just keeps getting better. Aaron hopes he does too. Together, they're the best version they have ever been, despite the papers declaring their break-up and Aaron fleeing the city in tomorrow's gossip columns. 

..

Robert's cold turns into a fever and Aaron decides to move into the last of the guest bedrooms to avoid catching the bug. He has no time to be sick and with the boys staying with them, someone needs to be well enough to take care of them, even though he often forgets how big they are getting and how capable they are of taking care of themselves. A small part of him dreads the day when there will be no more school breaks for them to use for their visits. 

”You still haven't bought him a present then? Uncle Aaron, no offence, but you're kinda crap at this” Miles says with the kind of judgment in his voice only teenagers can get away with, as they walk around the big artificial lake outside the McLaren building. A few days at home had made the boys bored eventually and Aaron had decided to take them to work.

Frowning, Aaron looks at Miles, half jokingly, ”Don't suppose you can find something, can you?” 

The teen snorts at him. ”Yeah right. Stop procrastinating, it's just like a week left”.

”Alright, stop stressing. I'll think of something”. He glances at Milton, ”What about you then, any ideas?” 

”Don't help him” Miles interjects before his brother has the chance to answer. ”This is his own mess”.

”Oh come on guys. Help me out, I'm worthless at this.” They're showing him nothing but unimpressed faces and the only thing he can think of to coax them with is, ”I'll let you go to Jonathan's party”. Jonathan is the teenage son to co-workers and friends of Robert's who they had gotten to know over the years. It was the kind of friend Aaron wasn't too keen of them having but they had been nagging to go ever since they had arrived. 

”Penguins” Milton immediately suggests and starts explaining just what he means. The idea isn't half bad. With some tweaking it could work. 

–

”How the heck did they talk you into that?” Robert shrugs off his jacket as Aaron walks back into their bedroom, throwing his duvet and pillow on their bed. If Robert is back at work, the room must be enough of a germ free zone for him to be able to sleep in his own bed again. Thankfully, for his back. 

”They're very persuasive” he lies and sits down on the bed, momentarily putting his feet up. 

Robert opens the door to the walk-in closet. ”Mmm” Robert agrees and hangs up his jacket on a big wooden hanger before doing the same with his trousers and shirt. ”Well, if they're going out tomorrow, I think we should do the same. Dinner in Soho? Make a night out of it?”

”Ooor, we could just make a night of it at home” Aaron tries, wiggling his eyebrows, half jokingly, half seductively. 

”Ok yeah, that sounds better, it's been a while since we had one. We could pick something up though after we drop them off. That little place on Dean Street?” Robert pulls on one of his old polo shirts that's starting to wear thin at the sleeves. Buying new casual clothes had never interested him and more than once he'd raided Aaron's side of the closet for clothes friendly for lounging around at home. 

”Alright. Sounds good. I'll go check their menu yeah” He drops his legs down on the floor with a moan and he's no more than three steps down the stairs when Robert calls him back with a loud shout. 

"Aaron!!"

"What?" Popping his head back into the bedroom, he sees Robert trying to pull a pair of jeans on.

"These trousers, when did I get them?" Robert points to his legs quickly before trying to buttoning them up.

Aaron frowns, "How should I know? What's wrong?"

"They're too tight, that's what's wrong" Robert panics and goes to look himself in the mirror, from the front and from the side. ”I swear I haven't even had these very long. This is what 50 does to you. You get fat real quick. And wrinkly. And grey” he adds and examines himself closer in the mirror. ”I knew I shouldn't have listened to you, I should have just dyed it”.

”Oh come on” Aaron stifles a laugh. ”You don't think you're being a little hard on the nr 50 do you?”

”Nope” Robert shakes his head. 

”Well if you hate it that much, do something about it then” Aaron pushes himself away from the doorway and goes to wrap his arms around Robert's waist. ”Not the hair though. Makes you look sexy” He sways them gently and it seems to soften Robert somewhat. 

”Fine. I'll keep the hair. But if you have ordered a birthday cake, cancel it.” he mutters. ”I need to go jogging tomorrow, if my joggers still fit that is”.

”Just work out naked, perks of having a home gym” he winks and can't help himself from chuckling when Robert pinches him in the side. 

The joggers does fit and he's up as early as Aaron the next morning, dressed and ready for his run. As they get downstairs they notice the TV is on in the living room and they find Miles lying on the sofa, wide awake. 

”What time is it?” The teenager looks up a little startled at their sudden appearance. 

”It's six. Haven't you been to bed yet?” Robert asks and Aaron thinks he sounds like a proper father.

”Well if I sleep late, I can stay up longer tonight” Miles grin at them as if it's a genius plan. 

”Just go to bed Miles” Robert sighs and heads towards the front door, already slightly jumping up and down. ”Right, here we go” he turns to Aaron, ”If I'm not home within an hour, send out a search party will ya”.

Aaron never gets to send out for one as he's back about the same time he's finishing his last set in the gym. Over breakfast, he's full of energy and won't stop talking about how good of a runner he is and how his feet were literally flying over the pavement, wondering why he hasn't done it for so long. Aaron knows exactly why. As always, Robert gets bored. Easily. He starts doing things and stops. He's always been like that and probably always will. It's part of his charm he figures.

”...and I saw this awesome retro Harley driving past. Really made me wanna get one”.

”Hang on” Aaron stops him. ”You're not seriously saying you wanna get a motorcycle, do you realize what a midlife crisis cliché that is?” He scarfs down another spoonful of muesli and yogurt. 

”Fine. What do you think about flying lessons then? I could be my own pilot. Just imagine, me in a captain's outfit”. 

Robert winks at him and he feels almost guilty when he nips his enthusiasm in the bud. ”Don't you think you got enough stuff on your plate? You know that little company of yours you're running. The one protecting the nation. I don't know, maybe they need you there and not off in flying school”.

”I'd do it on the weekends obviously” he says as if he's already got the whole thing figured out.

”Robert, your phone's been ringing non-stop even when you're home and sick” He puts his bowl in the sink. ”And you know you're gonna be working extra long hours to make up the time for being home with the boys. And ”Aaron stresses the word. ”.. you hardly have time for your big birthday”.

”Hardly anything to celebrate” Robert complains. 

Aaron wraps his arm around his shoulders and lets his head sink closer to Robert's. ”If it will make you happy, then take the flying lessons, but have you ever considered that maybe it's time to work less and enjoy life a bit more?”

Robert tilts his head in a shrug. ”Meh. Not ready. Not yet”. 

Aaron knows the company is Robert's baby, despite the unimaginable size it has grown to, and when the day comes, he's gonna have a hard time stepping away from it. With the work load and the amount of hours he always put in, there are days when Aaron worry if he'll even live to see his work become older. 

”I'm gonna do it” Robert declares. ”I'm signing up. I'll find the time somehow”.

..

It's not often he longs for a cigarette when he's sober, but like this, completely relaxed, he wants nothing more than feel the sweet smoke fill his lungs. Only a few months after they'd returned to England, Robert made him promise to ditch them for good. A few set backs during a party here and there was still forgiven though. He knew he was stupid for feeling the urge. He'd dropped so many other bad habits throughout his life, so why not this one. 

Absentmindedly, he strokes through the hair on Robert's legs where they're planted on the pillow next to him. It feels good laying like this, spent, sweaty and a little bit sticky. It's been too long. They don't find the time nearly as often as they both would have wanted, their busy schedules making it hard. At least when they do find the time, it's really really good, Aaron smirks to himself.

At the bottom of the bed, Robert is lightly snoozing and Aaron peer an eye open to look at him. Like this, he's a far cry from the big, powerful man media loves portraying him as. The intimidating Robert Livesy who stops at nothing to get what he wants. That's how they want everyone to see him. Considering all the encouraging words they get when going outside, he's pretty sure people don't buy the magazine's crap. They know what Robert has done for the country. They know what he stands for. For a better and more honest existence. 

It's ironic really how someone as good as telling lies as Robert would end up standing for, and protecting, quite the opposite. Robert keeps telling Aaron that it's down to him, that he's made him a better person but he's far too modest to ever accept such an acknowledgement. 

Aaron crawls down next to Robert, covering them with the duvet as he does. ”Did I fall asleep” Robert murmurs as he wakes from the bed moving. 

”Schyy” Aaron whispers, pressing his back to Robert's stomach, as Robert lazily drapes an arm around his waist. It's warm and safe and it only takes a few seconds before he too falls into a comforting slumber. 

The angry tone of Robert's phone wakes them but before they can find their bearings and wake up it stops. 

”What time is it?” Robert rubs the sleep out of his eyes and yawns, pulling Aaron in again for a tight hug as he kisses his neck. The skin against skin is soft and smooth and both fall back against the bed, legs wrapping around each other. 

”No idea. Don't worry, they were gonna call...” he stops himself, realizing what he's just said and untangles himself from Robert's grip. ”Where's your phone?” He gets up, trying to locate where the sound came from. He finds it under some clothes on the catch it all chair and sees a missed call from Milton. 

”I think I still got some of your cum stuck on me” Robert looks down at his chest and Aaron chuckles as he's listening to the dialing tones. ”Gonna go for a shower” Robert puts his hand on his stomach and presses a kiss right under his ear as he sweeps past him on the way to the bathroom, not noticing Aaron's frown as he listens into the phone. 

”Milton, calm down. Just stay where you are ok. It will be ok. We're leaving right now. Don't worry. I'll stay on the phone with you. Just hang on. I'm just gonna tell Robert” By now Robert is frowning too, staring at him full of worry. Aaron holds the phone away from his face. ”Milton can't find Miles anywhere. We need to go”. 

The streets are as void of cars as they can be in London on a Friday evening and the drive over to east Stratford goes a lot quicker than when they'd dropped them off. Robert is pressing down on the gas pedal a bit too hard as he steers them through the streets while Aaron is talking to Milton. By now, he's gotten some help from the other kids and he seems a lot calmer, thankfully. Blaming himself won't do any good, he knows that, but Aaron can't help from silently cursing over how he shouldn't have let them go there in the first place. Everything is his fault just because he can't sort out a stupid birthday present by his own. 

Robert looks like a complete mess as he's fully concentrated on the road ahead, not taking his eyes off it for even a second. The only thing he managed to pull on before they rushed out the door is some old pair of joggers and a t-shirt of Aaron's. His hair is still on end after their nap. Normally, he wouldn't be caught dead looking like this outside of their home. ”Come on, fucking red light” he shouts as they approach the next street corner. His eyes dots quickly around the junction and he speeds up instead of slowing down. 

”And you're suppose to be a law enforcer” Aaron hardly has a chance to mutter before the sound of sirens are blinking and shouting behind them. ”Oh this is gonna be awkward”. He would laugh if the situation had been different. 

Robert sighs and pulls the car over before reaching into the glove department. Before the police car behind them has even come to a full stop, he's out of the car, holding his hands in the air and waving his ID. The two police officers are however fast to react and have both pulled their gun at him before he has the chance to say something.

”Fucking hell” Aaron exclaims as he sees it all through the rearview window and sinks down in his seat hoping no one will see him. There's no doubt in his mind Robert will sort this on his own. After all, he is sorta the boss of the nation's entire police force. 

”What?” Milton asks through the phone worryingly. 

”Oh sorry. Nothing. We just had to stop to get petrol. We'll be there in no time” Aaron reassures him and sees a gang of drunk teenagers walk by the car and turns his head away from them. He does his best to look at what's going on behind the car but it's hard getting a good view through the mirrors. At least it looks like the guns are down. 

”Well thanks for helping me” Robert slams the door behind him and throws the ID on top of the panel. 

”You don't need help” Aaron smiles. 

”Fucking teenagers got a picture and all. I'm a complete mess. I got fuckin' cum on me!” he shouts and by now Aaron can't hold his laugh back anymore. ”This isn't funny Aaron. Miles is missing. You should have never said yes to them”.

Aaron's laugh dies quickly at how upset Robert is. ”Well you could have said no. Don't start the blame game, that won't do any good will it?” he spats back before he realizes Milton can hear their conversation. ”I'm sorry buddy. We just got a bit stressed”.

They keep quiet for the rest of the ride only breaking the silence twice to confirm what road to turn at. Milton is sitting outside on the steps when they pull up to the house and he rushes into Aaron's arms as soon as they step out of the car. The music from the house is loud and there's a crash coming from inside. The two kids that had been waiting with him approaches them too and they all start explaining their evening. It only takes hearing about vodka shots for them to put two and two together. 

”Where's Jonathan then?” Robert says sternly and Aaron notices the slightly frighten reaction in Milton's friends. 

”I think he's upstairs” One of them says and Robert disappears into the house. The music soon dies down and he can hear him bellowing something. 

”Did anyone see where Miles went?” Aaron asks but they're all shaking his head at him. ”No? Right. And I guess you've tried his phone already?” he asks Milton who nods his answer. ”I'll tell you what, as soon as Robert comes out again, we'll go in each direction down the street and look for him. Maybe we can hear his phone if I try calling it”. There was no way of being sure of course, but he had a hunch he couldn't have gotten far. 

”Did you find him?” Aaron asks as Robert shows up again. 

”Yeah. In the bathroom puking his guts out. Found this” he smells on a bottle labeled Mintuu and crinkles his nose. ”No wonder he's sick” he says, and passes the bottle to Aaron who sniffs it as well, a mix of mint and licorice. ”Called his dad too, told them to hurry the fuck home”.

”Good” Aaron tries smiling. Robert is riled up and someone needs to try and stay calm before the kids pee their pants. ”You and Milton can go look for Miles that way, me and these two” he says squeezing their shoulders gently ”will go this way. I'll keep calling him, maybe we'll hear his phone.”

Robert nods at the plan and they each go their separate ways, shouting down the street. A few lights come on in the houses they pass but no one has opened their window so far. Miles's phone keeps going to voice mail but Aaron keeps ringing it. The faith he had that nothing was wrong, falters slightly as they never hear any sign of a signal. A cat however, jumps from behind two garbage cans and frightens all three of them. They're at the end of the street, and both directions seem endless. When he finally makes a decision on what road to take one of the kid's mobile rings and he hands it over to Aaron. 

”You can stop calling now. We found him” Milton says in the other end. 

”Drunk as a skunk” Robert shakes his head at Aaron when they rush towards them. Miles is slung across his shoulder and he's mumbling something incoherent. ”Found him passed out in front of a house further down.”

”Will he be alright?” Milton cries worriedly for his brother. 

”It's fine Milton. He's just really really drunk” Aaron comforts him and pulls him in. ”He'll get his punishment in the morning” he says, referring to the impending hangover. 

After making sure Jonathan's parents get back, the car ride back is anything but pleasent. Robert and Milton are in the front seat while Aaron is in the back making sure Robert stops the car in time for him to open Miles's door so he can bend out and heave. This repeats about five or six times and by the time they get home they're all tired and exhausted. Miles leans on Aaron as he struggles to get him up the stairs. Even though he's thin as a stick, the teen has outgrown him in height and there are just uncontrollable arms and legs everywhere.

”Little help!” he shouts back at Robert when Miles falls against the wall and they each wrap an arm around their shoulders. ”How much did he drink! You know Vic will kill us when she hears about this?” People who thought Robert was the scary one, clearly hadn't met his sister. ”You know she reads the gossip about you right? She's gonna see that damn pic and wonder what happened. You better come up with a good cover story” Aaron argues as they get him into his room and he falls back on the bed. 

Robert scratches his head. ”And do you really think Milton will keep quiet about this. We're not the teens here Aaron. Maybe we should just come clean?” He's looking at Aaron as if he would have the answers but looking at each other they soon shake their heads. ”Nah, better not”.

Robert starts pulling Miles's clothes off as Aaron goes to fetch a bucket and a glass of water. He's all tucked in when he gets back and he's clapping Robert's arm. ”You're the best Uncle Rob” he slurs when he catches Aaron's presence. ”You too Aaron” he smiles and hums a little. 

They turn his light out and goes to check on Milton who is already sound asleep. It's not exactly how they had imagined the night to turn out. ”I really need a shower” Robert yawns. ”You joining me?” 

”Yeah” Aaron says and closes the bathroom door behind them. 

Robert has already turned the water on and is stepping out of his joggers. ”Thank god we don't have kids full-time ey” he laughs a little as he pulls his t-shirt off but freezes immediately when he realizes what he's just said, staring at Aaron. ”Oh God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry Aaron. I'm just tired”. 

There's no point in denying the words don't feel like a punch in the stomach, no matter how innocence they are, and he knows they are. Parents say it all the time, wishing they could get a break from their kids, yelling at them, longing for the day when they'll move out. All he longs for is to have his son back with him. Even after eight years, not a single day goes by without Louis being in his thoughts. It's not all doom and gloom of course. He tries focusing on the happy moments. But he can't help getting upset and disheartened whenever he hears parents wishing their children were somewhere else. 

”It's fine” he shrugs, trying to brush the comment away but Robert knows how much he hates it. 

”No it's not” Robert cups his face with both his hands. ”I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry” He kisses his forehead and wraps his long arms around him. ”I was stupid”.

If it's the exhaustion or the thought of Louis being brought back in such a somber light, he's not sure, but a few tears slip from his eyes as his fingers dig into Robert's skin. He hates feeling like this, so defeated. ”Let's just take a quick shower and go to sleep” he says when he breaks them apart. 

Robert kisses him again and agrees. The pity in his eyes is long gone, he knows he doesn't want it, and for that Aaron's grateful. 

..

The following day, Miles suffers a hangover to put him off drinking for at least a year and a rough looking Robert is plastered on the cover of yet another gossip mag in his cum stained clothes accompanied by a headline to further ignite the rumours about them splitting up. Vic calls from across the world, wondering what the hell is going on and Robert tries convincing her to stop reading garbage online. 

”Just be home on Friday” Robert demands into the phone as Aaron clears away the remains from dinner. Miles's plate has hardly been touched and he hasn't been able to make it upstairs again as he's groaning from the kitchen armchair.

”Anything wrong?” Aaron asks as Robert hangs up, the harsh tone not going amiss. 

”My scatterbrain sister. She miscalculated the time difference so they won't be home Thursday evening, they'll be home Friday noon”. There's a sulk on his face as he folds his arms and leans against the counter next to where Aaron is standing. 

”Oh right. Well, noon, they'll still be able to make it to dinner then” He tries sounding cheerful enough to not worry Robert. 

”Maybe we should cancel. They're gonna be jetlagged”. 

”Hey, no. You're not getting out of this. You only turn 50 once and we're gonna celebrate you whether you like it or not”. 

Robert sighs, looking at Aaron and then nodding to Miles. ”You think he'll be awake by then?” he smiles. 

”Hopefully” Aaron laughs a bit too loud, covering up the panic suddenly emerging. It's only five days left till Friday and he hasn't managed a present yet. He knows what to do but it's just a matter of going and get it. Checking his phone, his schedule is full all through Mon-Wed, Thursday isn't much better. A few important investors from Japan has picked this week for a visit and he has to be there and show them the new plans and developments. It's far from ideal, but Friday seems to be the only possible day of getting away.

He curses himself more than once when he gets up at the crack of dawn to make the drive up north, giving the excuse that he'll go into job early so he can get back in time, as Robert mumbles what he's doing up from under the covers. Last minute man, that's him. If he doesn't stop and chat too long with anyone, he'll make it in time to pick Adam and Vic up from Heathrow on his way back. It'll be fine. But if his mum and Paddy finds out he's been so close without stopping by, there will be hell to pay. There's no point in risking that.

”Aren't you suppose to retire soon?” he yells at Paddy, voice filled of teasing as he opens his car door and the older man follows a woman and her dog out of the veterinary clinic.

”Aaron!” Paddy shouts and hurries as quickly as he can to him and wraps him in a big hug. ”What are you doing here? Aren't you suppose to be celebrating Robert?”

”I am” he nods. ”I just had to get something first”.

”What, up here?” Paddy laughs. ”What are you like ey”.

”I know. That's why I can't stay long, but couldn't drive past without popping in to see you and mum.”

”Chas isn't here. She's left for a Spa weekend with Debbie. She'll be gutted she missed you. You should have called”.

”Guess it's just me and you then. If you got time that is.”

”Don't be daft, course I do. Sarah can cover for me.”

”You working well together then?” They had all been thrilled when she had told them she was moving back to Emmerdale after veterinary school, maybe Paddy more than all of them as he didn't feel comfortable handing the surgery off to just anyone. 

”It's great yeah. Come on” he nods towards the house. ”You haven't seen each other in a while have ya?”

”Uncle Aaron!” she exclaims gleefully before he gets another set of arms around him. It was easy to forget that Robert was her uncle, they only saw each other the few times they were home at the same time and sometimes not even then. 

The small girl he once had known wasn't so small anymore, she was all grown up, married even and the age difference between them didn't seem as big anymore. ”How you doing? I hear Paddy's pleased with you”. 

”Yeah, I think he might be stuck with me” she laughs effortlessly. ”Where's my other uncle then?” she wonders, looking as she's half-expecting to see him walk through the door. 

”He's home waiting for his birthday dinner” Aaron explains as he fishes his beeping phone from his pocket. ”It's Vic” he explains. ”Says their connecting flight is delayed. Guess I can stay a little longer after all” he smiles and pockets his phone again. 

Sarah keeps popping in to the living room between the appointments. As much as he would have liked meeting the rest of the family, going down the Woolpack for a pint would have made him stuck there for half the day. 

”Saw you in the newspaper by the way” Paddy laughs. 

”Oh not you and all. Robert has been giving Vic a go for even looking at them” Aaron chuckles and leans back on the sofa. 

”But it's the only fun we have up here, seeing what the big shots are doing in the big city” Sarah teases and looks at her wristwatch before disappearing back into the clinic. 

”How's Leo?” Aaron wonders, taking another sip of his beer. 

”He's good yeah. Just got a new flat in Leeds” Paddy smiles proudly. ”I think he's taken a shine to one of the girls at the center as well”. 

”That's great” Aaron smiles back. ”I'm glad”. Old conversations with Paddy about the divorce and what rights he had to see Leo speeds through his mind. 

They rarely get lonely moments like these with each other, and they soon get lost in old memories - and newer ones. He eventually reveals his plan to Paddy and he approves with a ”Must be impossible finding him a gift”.

The time rushes forward it seems and he's very late by the time he says goodbye to Paddy and Sarah. As it's not a gravel road, finding the perfect stone by the lay-by proves harder than he thought and it takes a good hour before he can head south again. Vic keeps updating with times that keep changing and their arrival times keep changing from he'll make it in time, till there's no way he can pick them up. In the end, they're rescheduled for a plane that won't be arriving until the morning. They even contemplate if they can take the Eurostar from Paris but there are no tickets left on trains that would have them make it on time. 

”I'm not telling him this. You better call your brother yourself” Aaron speaks into his ear piece. At least he won't be late to pick them up or late for the dinner. The thought has merely entered his mind before he's forced to slow his car down. ”You have got to be kidding me”. Sirens from police cars, ambulances and fire engines shine through the darkening sky further ahead and there's a huge queue in front of him. It doesn't take long before he's completely locked in by the surrounding cars on the motorway. ”Great” he mutters and turns the engine off. With a sigh, he picks up his phone to dial Robert, the line is busy and he can only hope he's talking to Vic. Actually, he's not sure he wants to follow with more bad news knowing what mood he'll be in. 

Nearly two hours later, the motorway is cleared and the traffic slowly starts moving again. Robert has texted him a couple of times since they talked. The first time wondering where he was. The second time to say that he cancelled the restaurant and that he and the boys are having a takeaway and that he'll never try and celebrate another birthday ever again. The sulk is evident even through his texts and Aaron curses himself for the 500th time, especially since he had been the one to push dinner on him. ”I missed your 40th, I won't miss your 50th” he texts back. 

Lights from the cars in the opposite lane flashes irritatingly in his eyes as they speed down the wide road, nearly teasing him of how fast they're moving. When he finally reaches London again, it seems like half the town has decided to take their car for a spin at 11pm and he has to fight his urge to honk at them all. 

The flicker from the TV in their living room shines through the window as he 11:45 finally parks the car outside. 

”I'm really really sorry” he says, leaning at the door frame but Robert seems reluctant to move his eyes away from the TV. ”Where are the boys?” He tries another approach. 

”Upstairs” Robert responds and doesn't seem too chatty. 

”I know I'm an idiot. I got stuck with Paddy and then the traffic” he sighs, sitting down on the sofa as close to Robert as he'll let him. 

”S'fine. Didn't wanna celebrate at all, remember” Robert cocks an eyebrow at him. At least he's looking his way now. 

”Can I give you your present then?” he asks hopefully. 

”If you must” Robert's mood thaws a little. 

”Right, close your eyes” Robert sighs but does what he's told. ”Come here” he grabs his hand and pushes his fingers open before placing a small pebble in his hand. It's shaped as a heart, or as close as a stone can be shaped as one. ”You can open them now”.

Robert looks down at his palm and then back to Aaron, frowning. ”A stone?”

”Ok just listen. Before you think I'm crazy” he says, folding his legs under him and sitting closer to Robert. ”You're impossible to get something for. I mean, we have everything we want, we can buy whatever we want but there's one thing I know you want that I can't give you but I can give you this”.

”A stone?” Robert repeats slightly more puzzled. 

”Milton reminded me of penguins the other day. That when they mate, they find the perfect stone to present to the other and if accepted they're mates for life”.

”You do know that's just a myth right?” Robert says, unimpressed.

”I kinda figured, but just go with me here”.

”Go on then” Robert tries hiding a smile. 

”I went to the lay-by. The place where you first kissed me. The place where it all started and I found this. And if you squint it kinda looks like a heart. Because you took a piece of my heart that day and never gave it back. And maybe it's not the perfect of places to find this stone, but it's our place and if it hadn't been for that place and what happened that day, there probably wouldn't be an us today. There were a lot of bad things happening back then, and after, but I'm so grateful for the us that is today. That said, I still won't marry you.”

”Figures” Robert laughs a little, and Aaron returns it with a smile. 

”But I will stand by your side. Now and forever, as long as you'll let me. I nearly got married once. And you have been married. We both know it's not a guarantee for anything. I don't want to be with you because a piece of paper tells me I should. I want to stay because I choose to. Every day. You got a lot of flaws, but you're still the perfect choice for me. So, Robert Sugden. Will you please accept this stone and be my mate for life?”

Robert smiles warmly at him, stroking the stone in his hand. ”Yes” he simply answers and leans in and kisses him. ”You're a hopeless romantic you know that?”

”Don't tell anyone” Aaron whispers and pinches him playfully in the side. He glances at his phone. 11:59. One minute left of Robert's birthday. 

It may have taken them Robert hitting 50, but it feels like they finally got it right.


	8. 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's inevitable to become older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my sweet readers. I've been spoiling you with long chapters but as we're closing in on the end they're getting shorter again...

_”So they never married then?” he cocks a brow, biting his lower lip in question._

_”Never did. And we all tried” the woman laughs whole heartedly. ”But you know, marriage is no recipe for happiness”._

_He's heard the words plenty of times from his friends and own family. ”Guess not”. He just couldn't imagine living with someone a whole life and not marry them, it just wasn't his style. He wanted all of the traditions._

_”Did you know he received an award?” she suddenly says proudly and he shakes his head. ”Oh yes. Right out of the hands of the prime minister.” she smiles excitedly, ”But that must have been, let's see” she closes her eyes briefly, as if she's doing the math in her head. ”When he was about 60 I guess”._

_His eyebrows shoots up. ”Hang on, you can't jump this far ahead, I need to know what happened with the flying lessons at least.”_

_”Oh that” she laughs. ”He did go a few times, but decided he didn't have the time for it in the end. I guess we all can act a little crazy as we get older”, she winks at him and her younger self flashes past in her eyes._

**61.**

”Do you have to do that?” Robert waves the smoke away and Aaron takes another puff of the fat cigar. Aaron can tell he's annoyed, but not annoyed enough for him to put it out. 

”Come on now. It's tradition” he grins cheekily, pointing at Robert with the cigar as the wind carries some of the ashes away. 

Unamused, Robert shakes his head, ”I'm pretty sure, the tradition is for the father to be smoking.”

”Honorary granddads can smoke too you know” Aaron winks, taking another taste. 

”Any excuse with you innit” Robert mumbles. ”And don't say granddad. Makes us sound ancient. I'm still in my best years you know”.

”You're fooling no one with that dye job”.

”Shut up”.

”You can shut up”.

They burst out laughing at each other, receiving a few odd looks from a couple passing them. Still, they nod and greet them politely when Robert catches them staring. It seems like the older they get, the more they bicker. Others don't understand it, but they enjoy it. 

”Where did you get that thing anyway?” Robert inquires. 

”At this place?” Aaron nods towards the impressive building they're standing outside of, the glittering light from inside lightning up the dark night through its giant windows. Piano music leaks onto the patio along with a mix of voices. ”Wasn't that hard” he shrugs and tastes the cigar again. ”This is really good this”. 

”Well I'm going inside again. It's cold and I don't want that” Robert points at the cigar ”making my tux stink” he says and pulls at his lapels to make a point of how well dressed he is.

Aaron simply smiles back. ”I'll be in soon. This is too good to waste”. Robert rolls his eyes at him before turning away. ”Hey grandpa!” he calls after him and Robert turns, shaking his head at him. He doesn't say anything more but just winks at him. The next weeks will be fun winding him up. 

It was Vic who had called them shortly after they had arrived at the banquet, telling them the good news - ”It's a girl!”. Miles first child had been born earlier in the day and she wanted to spread the happy news. They had been waiting for it as much as her and Adam. Grown up and married, it still didn't stop Miles from visiting them as often as he could, he and his then girlfriend, now wife, had spent some great summers with them. Milton however, was off abroad, studying in Barcelona and tried catching up with them online as much as he could, which was way too few times. But Aaron understood, he had his own life now, and things always changed no matter how much you didn't want it to. 

Life could really pass you by in a matter of a seconds he thought, staring in through the windows where hours d'ouvres and champagne were still being served amongs the mingling guests. Everyone around him seemed to get older and he guess he was too, he just didn't feel much older than that 28 year old filled with lust for adventure as he'd set off for France. The older they got, the faster life seemed to rush by, like a high speed train none of them could stop or hit pause on no matter how much they desired it. All they could hope for was to live life as best they could and hopefully make something good out of it. 

Tonight was the ultimate testament for having achieved something. Not himself so much as Robert. An award for extraordinary service to the King and Country. Why they had picked this year out of all the ones BBPD had been operating, he didn't know. Perhaps it was because they had finally realized Robert was getting older and who knew how long anyone of us lived, they better hand out the award before it could be too late, or it was a gentle nudge about taking an early retirement and letting go of the reigns. God knew, he needed one. But Robert had as long as he'd known him been relentless when it came to work and he wasn't sure when it would stop, if ever. These days he found London life tiring and he longed for a quieter life, away from smog and traffic lights. Robert wasn't as easily convinced. 

The crowd starts moving away from the foyer and he takes a last satisfactory puff of the cigar before putting it out against the purple bricks on the sidewalk. He wipes his hands on a small tissue that must have been left in his pocket from the last time he wore his tuxedo. It must have been at Miles wedding. It's surprising there's still an unused tissue left, he was that emotional. 

”Take your time will ya. They're gonna think I don't want this award”. Robert is waiting for him alone in the foyer as the rest of the guests have moved on into the big dining hall. 

”Well they can't really start without you, can they?” Aaron smiles and adds a hand on the small of Robert's back. He'd never admit it, but he can tell he's nervous. ”Besides, isn't the guest of honour suppose to arrive later than the rest?” Aaron says, his hand slipping around Robert's waist, pressing him closer to offer some reassurance. ”Hon, relax, this is your night” he whispers into his ear, feeling the tension in Robert's body slip away somewhat. 

They're placed in the middle, close to the scene, at a round table. The prime minister and her husband sit next to them and they're joined at the table by a few other politicians, an old football star and a famous stage actor. They've met most of them at various events and gotten to know them quite well and no doubt are they chosen to sit here because of it. 

It's not like Robert to hide from attention but as the evening's conferencier takes the stage to tell them all exactly why they're there and headlights and cameras and everyone's eyes are aimed at him, even he turns a few deeper shades of red and tilts his head down, one fist resting against his mouth. It's not until the first artist begin to sing that he eases somewhat. 

Not in their wildest dreams could they have imagined this when Robert established his security company after they returned from France. What had started with a handful of bodyguards had after the trial, and with it, the trust of the people, quickly grown into a security company that everyone wanted to hire, knocking out the big competition. Robert has pushed further though, with a failing police force after the big scandal, he knew exactly what to do and how to get there. He took over all the employees sans the corrupted ones that had been outed by the press and from there it hadn't taken long before he had the new government's support to form the British Bureau of Protection and Defence. It was a story straight out of the movies and would forever be read about in history books and now, an odd twenty years later, books had been written and movie deals for the story of his life was waiting to be signed. He was a living legend. It was surreal and as strange as it was, it was the life they had grown accustomed to.

Aaron finds Robert's hand on the table and lightly strokes his thumb across the thick veins when Robert's fingers curl around his and gives him a gentle smile. There's a slight glossiness to his eyes but Aaron doesn't need that confirmation to know just how moved he is about the whole evening. It's bigger than he could ever have dreamed of.

One artist after the other comes on stage, sometimes talking directly at Robert and he nods and laughs at all the right places. They're about an hour into the evening when the conferencier pauses the show to introduce the prime minister who talks briefly about Robert again, this time in a more personal manner and Aaron can feel himself bursting with pride of hearing all the kind words. After a long, lovely speech, applauds erupts as Robert's name is called and the overwhelming sound of everyone giving him a standing ovation suddenly fills the room. 

”Wish me luck” Robert whispers as he kisses Aaron's cheek and Aaron gives his hand another squeeze in return. 

”I love you” Aaron says and joins the applauds, clapping harder than he ever has before. 

There's a very serious expression in Robert's face as he takes the few steps up to the huge scene. He's a tall man but even he looks small on the stage. He glances at Aaron who is the last one to sit and takes a deep breath, fishing out a note from his inner pocket of his jacket. There's a crowd of about 900 people looking at him and Aaron feels his heart pounding, he's so nervous. Robert clears his throat a little and within that beat the whole atmosphere changes. The huge auditorium goes very very quiet, all of them eagerly waiting for the great man to speak. 

Then, he does. 

…

”...and he ended the speech by thanking his partner, Aaron”, Aaron reads out loud from his phone. ”At least they didn't call me your husband this time” he teases, tilting his baseball cap a little lower as he finally puts the phone down on the little blue plastic table between them. 

”Is that really so bad? 'Cause you love complaining about it” Robert sounds annoyed as he tries tilting his chair back but fails to do so. Heaving himself up, he sighs and moves around it, yanking it out of the sand before shaking the hinges loose, sand flying everywhere. 

”It was a really great speech” Aaron responds finally when Robert is done muttering over the chair - he can almost feel the tears burning just thinking about it. The whole evening had been spectacular and Robert's speech had made it magical. As much as they had wanted to prolong it, they had ended it early to be able to catch a glimpse of the newborn (she was perfect) before heading to the airport. In retrospect, they should have just skipped sleep all together. 

With sand under their toes and a warm sun hitting their faces instead of sleet, it feels as if the evening hadn't happened at all, like it is all a wonderful dream, they're that far from home. The newspapers articles about it and the morning news airing in the airport lounge along with other passengers' congratulations and well wishes told them it was very much real. 

”Get my back will ya” Robert holds out the bottle of sunscreen for him to take and sits down in front of Aaron, the sunchair creaking as he does. 

It's still morning but the sun is already burning its harsh rays into their British pale skin. At this hour, the beach is quiet and only a few of the locals are seen and another couple of early birds. If it weren't for the jetlag they would still be in bed.

”I think you got even more freckles than the last time we were abroad” Aaron states and rubs the cream around Robert's back, some sand sticking to his hand.

”And a few more hairs too back there I bet”.

Aaron chuckles. ”Just a few. You're not a proper bear yet, don't worry”.

”You've always held that title” Robert leans back and presses his lips to his affectionately while carding his fingers through his full beard that keeps getting a little longer for each year that passes. He did try a full Santa Claus look once but Robert told him he looked like a real hobo and made him shave it off. 

”Right, your turn”, Aaron hands back the sunscreen.

”I was thinking” Robert starts, taking the bottle, before suddenly scrunching his face and putting a hand under his chest, drawing a quick breath. 

”What's wrong?” Aaron sits up straight, face etched with worry. 

Robert puts his finger up. ”Hang on” he puffs before breathing out heavily. He shakes his head. ”It went away” he smiles as if it's nothing. 

Aaron isn't so easily relieved however, it has happened too many times before. ”You know what this is, don't you? It's your damn blood pressure. The doc told you to take it easy Rob!” he yells, more because he's scared than angry. 

Robert laughs and stretches out his arms. ”I'm in Bali on vacation for three weeks, what more do you ask of me!”

”Fine” Aaron mutters. ”But when we get back home again, you're gonna have to take it easy. No more 80 hours weeks. You're not young anymore you know”.

”Well thank you for reminding me. Again” Robert retorts jokingly but is only met with Aaron's stern expression. Robert holds up his hand in defeat but he has that look that Aaron knows mean that he's not taking what he's saying seriously and it frustrates him more than anything. ”I will try”.

”No. You will do it” Aaron demands. ”I kinda need you, you know” he adds a little calmer. 

Robert simply smiles his answer and leans forward again, kissing him. ”As I was about to say, I was thinking that we could get away from the resort tonight. I read about a great restaurant further down the beach. Can I please take you there Mr. Livesy?” His teeth shine and eyes sparkle as he skillfully diverges them away from the subject. And Aaron knows he's still the world's greatest manipulator.

”No more 80 hours weeks” Aaron pushes again. 

”I promise. I'll only do 78 hours. 79, at the most” Robert winks. 

”Jeez” Aaron rolls his eyes, shaking his head. ”Just go lay down. You need all the rest you can get old man” he says, pushing Robert to his own chair. 

”That's offensive”.

”Hey, you're a granddad now. You're old”.

”You're not gonna let that one go, are you?”

”Nope” Aaron smirks pleased with himself and slings an arm behind his head.

It's Robert's turn to roll his eyes. 

The water is at a perfect temperature when Aaron decides to dip his toes into it. It's the only thing that varies really, the temperature. No matter what country you're in, the ocean always sorta looks the same, sometimes darker, sometimes more green, but it's still the great big endless water ahead of you, inviting you in. During some of the trips they've made over the years it's been cooler, or like this, pleasant to swim in. The warmer water always reminds him of the time in Marseille and no matter how long time he spends away from it, it will always be etched into his memories the strongest. 

He dives under water, shaking the thoughts away and takes a few strokes before coming up for air. He's further away from the beach than he thought. Robert has made himself comfortable under a parasol, still trying to work his way through a book he's probably had on the nightstand for over six months. Trying to clear his head, he swims a few laps along the beach before getting up, splashing some water in Robert's direction which is only met with a small sigh.

”How much do you love your work?” Robert asks one evening over dinner. 

They've been in Bali for almost two weeks already and have finally made their minds up on which one is their favourite restaurant. Aaron is chewing on his favourite cashew dish of theirs when the unexpected question comes. ”A lot. Why?”

”You're not sick of it then?” Robert tries and Aaron isn't sure where he's going with it. 

”It has its ups and downs like everything else I guess... it's frustrating at times, because I still haven't managed to do what I set out to” he shrugs a little defeated. 

Taking Aaron's hand, Robert speaks softly, ”I'd say you'd come as close as possible. Cars don't crash themselves, people do. Unexpected awful events that's beyond our control”. 

”Well” Aaron fills another fork with food, retracting his hand. ”I just wish we could do more” he says sadly and frowns at the thought of how the uncrashable car might never be built, if all the years he has spent on it might be for nothing in the end. ”Why do you ask anyway?”

”I was thinking that maybe I should cut back...”

The words are barely out of Robert's mouth before Aaron drops the fork. ”You!?” he shouts a little too loud, a few people staring at him.

Stifling a laugh, Robert continues. ”You're right. I need to slow down. Being here... I've never felt so relaxed in...well in a long time. Not even a hint of heartburn” he winks. 

…

Their private bungalow is right on the beach but still secluded enough from other guests that they have their privacy. Robert had insisted they'd get one with two bedrooms in case Aaron snores too loudly. Aaron thinks it's an overreaction from Robert's side fleeing to another room during the night but the only respond he gets is ”Trust me” followed by a threat of recording him. Luckily, it hasn't happened so far. He hasn't slept so good in ages. 

A warm breeze blows in from the ocean, making the sheer curtains flutter, letting in both sand and sunlight. 

”Why's the door open?” Aaron groans, turning to look at the time, it's only 7:40. Rubbing his eyes, he turns towards Robert, who is sitting up, propped against the headboard, sipping on a glass of juice. 

”I couldn't sleep anymore. Needed some fresh air in here” Robert explains without taking his eyes off of his tablet. 

”Mmm” Aaron pulls the covers over his head. As wonderful as Bali is, it's too bright in the mornings and he's not a morning person anymore. These days, he'll take any sleep he can get. Especially if he's on a vacation. 

”Hey, look at this” Robert's voice is way too loud and energetic as he tugs at the duvet above his head, trying to get him out of his little dungeon. ”Come on Aaron, I want your opinion”. 

”Right, right. What is it?” The sun makes him squint and he takes the tablet that Robert gives him. Trying to see better, he props himself up on one elbow, a joint cracking as he does. 

”Jeez” Robert laughs. ”What are you 80?”

”Let's face it. We're getting older Rob” he smiles up at him. ”When did that happen ey?”

Robert leans down a little. ”I'd say, sometime around when your hair fell off and ended up on your chin instead. You could do with a trim”.

Aaron ignores his last comment. ”Oh right, it wasn't when your baby face went all wrinkly then?”

”Alright. Just read will ya” Robert kisses him on his head. ”You don't think I should do a little nip and tuck though right?” he asks after a beat, face frowning. 

”I don't know” Aaron drags his words out. ”You do look awfully wrinkly when you're frowning like that”.

”Shut up”.

”Then stop asking stupid question”.

”Right, less talking, more reading. Come on” Robert pushes and Aaron finally sits up against the headboard too. Without him even asking for them, Robert hands Aaron his reading glasses. ”You could get your own you know”.

”But I like yours better” Aaron smiles and pushes them onto his nose. They can afford what they want but for some reason Robert insists on buying the £5 ones in bulk from every other petrol station they stop at. ”Looks like a nice house” Aaron comments on the picture on the tablet.

”With a lake right next to it” Robert points out. 

”Yeah yeah very nice” Aaron says, trying to give the tablet back put Robert pushes it back to him.

”No, read what it says”.

It takes Aaron a few sentences to realize the house is actually located outside of Emmerdale, it takes him a few more seconds to recognize the house and another moment before seeing it's up for auction and understanding just what Robert is planning. ”You wanna buy this?”

”Well, I did say I wanted to take it easier. I was thinking we could cut back, both of us, spend some more time with our families. Need a home up there for that. This one looks really good, don't you think?”

”You really mean it?”

”You're right, I think it's time. I don't wanna cut down too much, but let's do a couple of long weekends up there every now and then. We'll figure something out” he says, making it all sound so easy. 

Aaron bites his lip as he always does when mulling things over. As much as he loves his job, maybe it was time to move on from it. Or even just work less. ”Alright. Let's do it” he smiles, his heart suddenly skipping a beat from the unexpected excitement. It had taken about ten minutes from waking up to deciding on changing their whole lives. 

Excitedly, Robert gets up from the bed. ”Right, I'm calling the agency, putting in an offer”.

”Shouldn't we see the place first?”

”Nah, I'm sure it's fine. If not, we'll just sell it again. Or knock the thing down and build something else. It'll be fine”. Robert smiles widely, already heading into the living room before he turns around. ”Hey Aaron?”

”Mmm, what?” He mumbles, scrolling through the photos of the house. 

”Marry me”.

Momentarily, Aaron looks up. ”No”.

”Aww, I thought we were on a roll here. You know I gotta try”.

”I know” he smiles and clicks on the next picture. It's the same, every year and every time Robert gets the same answer. Doesn't stop him from asking though, and by now, it's become a thing. 

\--

Robert hasn't more than hung up the phone after leaving a message on the agency's voice mail when Aaron can hear his phone ring somewhere in the distant. He's under the cover again, trying to rest a bit more while he can. ”Just answer it for me will ya” he shouts. 

”You do know you're lazy sometimes right?” Robert says, more stating fact than complaining. 

Aaron hears him answer with a gentle hello and he can tell he's talking to someone they know. When Robert's voice all of a sudden goes serious, he's suddenly wide awake, sitting up straight again, looking at him with a frown, shaking his head a little. 

Robert doesn't meet his eyes but keeps staring to the floor. ”Ok. Yeah. He's right here”. 

All his senses are peaking and he instantly knows something is wrong when Robert reaches the phone over to him, ”It's your mother”.

With a pounding heart, he takes the phone and Robert sits down next to him, placing a hand on his back, which makes him even more nervous. ”Hello?”.

”Aaron.” Her voice sounds sad and weary. He throws a glance at the clock and realizes it's late in the evening back home. 

”What's happened?”

”It's Paddy” she cries and the first tear rolls down his own cheek. Because he already knows. 

”Is he...” his voice shivers. 

”He was out fishing. They're not sure what happened, they think he fell out and knocked his head on a stone or the boat or... I don't know”. She cries again. ”Jack found him. He was already gone”.

”Right” he mumbles through gritted teeth, pinching his nose as he tries his best to keep it together. 

”I'm so sorry sweetheart”. He's 55 years old and she still calls him sweetheart. It's endearing, but right now it makes him feel like he's a kid again and all he wants to do is curl up on the bed and hide away. The man he's called his father his whole adult life is suddenly gone. ”I love you” he says into the phone before dropping it down for Robert to take. He can hear them talking for a while, but he doesn't really listen to any of the words. 

They cut their trip short by a few days and takes the fastest connection to Leeds where Adam comes to pick them up. 

..

There were two things Aaron took notice of about funerals as he sat listening to the minister's words speaking about Paddy, hand locked with Robert's. The first thing was that they were certain. No matter how life changed, what turn it took, what pace it went in or how much the world around you changed, funeral services did not. They were a bit more personalized these days, but they were really much the same. People with dark clothes and somber faces, saying goodbye to someone they loved. And they were all heading in the same direction. 

The second thing he noticed was that the older he became, the easier they became. It wasn't like when he'd been younger, when he'd wanted to rip his own heart out because it was aching too much. Now they felt somewhat mellow, a sort of reflection of his own life and what he'd done with it so far. A way to remember the good that had happened between him and the person placed in the coffin. The more years that passed, the less tears he shed. It might sound cruel, but there was a certain beauty to it, a calm aura that took place around a funeral that made him feel that much more alive. It was a reminder to be in the here and now, to live life at its fullest because you would never know when your turn was up. Robert didn't like when he would discuss it with him, for him the thought of death was something repelling. In his world, he was invincible. If anyone could survive death, it was Robert, Aaron thought with a chuckle. 

Robert glances at him quizzically and Aaron shakes his head a little. With his free hand, he reaches over and takes his mother's which is clutching a handkerchief, already damp. She gives him a grateful smile, squeezing his hand a little. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help wondering if the next time he'll be in this pew, it will be her he'll be saying goodbye to. 

The funeral is over before they know it and Chas, with the help from Leo, makes sure that everyone will head over to the Woolpack for some food. That's the third interesting thing about funerals, Aaron notices. Food is a way to say sorry, a way to comfort someone. Why can't people just utter the words or extend their arms instead of bringing plates? 

They purposely linger behind at the cemetery as everyone leaves, staring down at the big freshly dugged hole, flowers and sand now scattered all over the coffin. Flowers is the forth thing about funerals. When did they become the universal language to express ones happiness or woes? 

”I'm just gonna...” Robert says, nudging his head towards another corner of the site.

”I'll come with you” Aaron states. ”In fact, let's say hello to all of them now that we're here. We can start with this miserable sod over here” he nods at the stone next to where they're standing. ”I've never seen him look so gloomy” Aaron jokes, emitting a laugh from Robert. 

”Careful, he might hear you. He might kick your teeth in”.

Aaron raises and eyebrow. ”From beyond the grave?”

”Wouldn't put it past him” Robert shrugs. 

Cain Dingle  
30 Nov 1974 – 19 Feb 2043

Cancer. That's what finally had beaten him down. He'd been a fighter til the very end and he hadn't gone quietly. His uncle, his teenage idol, gone way too soon. They've had some good laughs. And a good portion of barneys too. 

The next thing Aaron noticed about death was that you could always remember what you were doing and where you were when it came knocking. 

Diane Sugden  
21 June 1947- 3 Sept 2036

Just a few months after Robert's 50th birthday, Vic had called them about the news while they had been out grocery shopping, picking out sweet potatoes right in that moment. It had come as a shock as she was still living at home by herself, still full of energy even at 89 years old. But it would seem that one night, that energy had decided to leave her body. 

Aaron steps closer, wrapping an arm around Robert's waist as they stare at the third grave. They were becoming so many too quickly. This one was particularly hard for Robert. 

Andy Sugden  
28 Jan 1986 – 15 Jun 2033

They had been fighting only days before, as they always did. They fought, made up, fought again. Aaron had nagged him to call his brother and set things straight again but Robert would have none of it, claiming he was not the one in the wrong. Three days later, Andy had been found dead in the fields, killed by a malfunction in the baler. 47 years old. Robert had never forgiven himself for not picking up the phone. 

Before joining the rest in the pub, they stop momentarily at Jackson's grave, which is covered in moss. There aren't any flowers on it and it looks rather lonely. A surge of guilt shoots through him looking at it. He had done his best though, it was all anyone of them could do and he'd come to peace with it a long time ago.

The hardest grave of them all is the one that doesn't have a place. But at the same time, it was easier, because it meant that he wasn't confided to one spot. ”I hope you and Lou are having fun” Aaron smiles to Jackson's stone, picking away a few bits of green. ”If Paddy hasn't joined you yet, give him a good scare and a cuddle yeah”. 

”W-w-what aa-are you doing? Y-you scared the the life outta me” Robert imitates and they both chuckle. 

..

They decide to take a few weeks more off of work and help out getting Paddy's affairs in order. Aaron and Chas clean out the house and Robert sorts out the business that he still co-owns together with Sarah. 

They also find time to look at the house they've made an offer on and within two weeks the purchase goes through. It's smaller than their London townhouse and a lot less fancy of course. But it's rustic and comes with a lot of charisma. The roof needs new tiles and the kitchen and bath have seen better days. Robert waste no time and soon contractors are on site and they're picking out bathroom fittings and whatnot. 

The third reason they decide to stay a little longer is so they can spend more time with Miles's newborn. Mel becomes her name and she's cute as can be and both Vic and Adam and Aaron and Robert can't help themselves making a big fuss over her. After a couple of weeks in Emmerdale they baptize her and there's a strange feeling being back in church again. Death and life have never seem so close before. 

”This year went too fast” Robert establishes quietly, looking at Aaron who is lighting the candles on the cake a week later, making him reflect on the past months. Life sneaks up on you when you least expects it and suddenly you're another year older. 

They're back in London, alone again, and Aaron is the only one to see Robert blow out the candles on the tiny cake. He's just turned 61.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what's been the hardest about writing this story? Trying to stay somewhat in character but at the same time writing them at different stages in life and writing them as older and like they have grown and are different people than who they were in ch 2.   
> And I might have made too many "they're older" references, but idk, I wanted to drive home my point hehe.


	9. 75

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gathers for Robert's 75th.

_He sits quietly, studying her carefully as her crooked finger points around the graveyard, telling him exactly where everyone is resting. Some, he feels like he almost know after hearing so much about them through her story._

_He must have zoomed out because without him noticing, she's looking worryingly at him, asking, ”Are you happy dear?” It's out of the blue and she's got an intense stare, as if she's seen right through him. It frightens him a bit. If this stranger can read him so easily, who else can?_

_”Yeah, course” he chuckles a little, but the response is too fast, too rehearsed. He clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. ”I just feel a little stuck sometimes” he admits, shrugging. ”It's fine” he adds, hoping it will be the end of the conversation. It's not something he likes talking about._

_Her next question surprises him, ”With your wife?” she says unabashedly._

_Mouth ajar, he frowns at the forwardness. He's stunned and can't think of a single thing to say, apart from the truth. ”And work... and the city. Everything just happens so fast, and I can't keep up. Some days it feels like I'm drowning and all my energy goes towards keeping myself afloat.”_

_”Oh dear” she says sympathetically at his admission. It was probably more than she expected to hear. ”As horrible as that sounds, you do know that you're talking a lot of horseshit?” she states matter-of-factly, not raising her voice the slightest._

_Taken aback by the unexpected words he stutters out an ”Excuse me?”, feeling quite pathetic about it too._

_”Family is all that matters in this world dear and you never know for how long you'll have them. And if you're not happy, do something about it before you end up like these people” she nods her head forward towards the graves._

_Baffled, he can't pull himself to respond with much more than a nod._

_”It makes me upset when people waste their time. Now, let's finish this story, so we can go back to the living and not the dead”._

_It's the first time she's shown any sort of anger while they've sat here and he's not sure where it has all come from._

**75**

He's not sure what wakes him first, the alarm shrieking in his left ear, Robert calling from downstairs or the smell of pancakes reaching his nostrils. Either way, he's been half awake for the last 15 minutes and has fallen back to sleep at least three times, somewhere in between Robert's calls have stopped.

Opening his eyes, one at a time, slowly, he lets out a long yawn, smacking his mouth as he does. Stretching his arms over his head, he smells his armpit and knows he should take a shower. Especially today. He'll probably lock him out in the cold if he doesn't.

There are a lot of things to get done today. Getting his mum over for the do, wrapping gifts, picking up some treats for the kids. The thought alone causes another yawn to break free. Even the finance magazine over at Robert's nightstand looks more appealing right now. Absentmindedly he grabs his glasses from his side of the bed and reaches for the paper. Just a few more minutes won't hurt.

"Aaron!" Robert's voice from downstairs is annoyed, he can tell. It's the same one he uses when something doesn't get done fast enough. He's never understood what all the rush is about. As pensioners, they got all the time in the world.

He sighs, letting go of the magazine. "Alright!" he shouts back, equally annoyed.

After he's put on the new slippers he got for Christmas, and his frazzled dressing gown that has frankly seen better days, he shuffles down to the kitchen, grunting as he goes.

Robert is sitting at the kitchen island, just finishing his coffee. Like all the other mornings, he's already dressed and looks too awake for Aaron's liking. Most mornings he wakes at five, not even an alarm needed, carefully padding his way downstairs without waking Aaron. He could sleep to ten if Robert had let him. Which he doesn't.

"Coffee and toast are cold. What's up with you today?" Robert asks, his eyes glued to some morning program on the telly.

"Mornings are inhuman" he mutters, grabbing a mug from the cupboard and pouring himself some coffee. It is cold, he's usually down for breakfast when it's at least still lukewarm. At least they have a microwave to solve that problem. "You know, if we had a proper coffee maker instead of this fancy press, the coffee would stay warm for as long as it needed to".

"Yeah I bet you'd like that. Then you could get up in time for lunch. I like my French Press so it's not going anywhere".

"'Cause it's shiny." Aaron teases and the microwave beeps as it hits 0.

"When you get up to make breakfast you can use whatever you like" Robert says, changing the channel. "Today would have been a good day for it" he adds with a mumble.

"What? You wanted breakfast in bed? You'll just end up complaining there are crumbs everywhere". He can't even remember the last time they ate in bed. Probably in London. Must be at least ten years ago.

"75 is actually a big deal and it would be nice if you could at least acknowledge it". The irritation in Robert's voice doesn't face him. 

"Well when you're as old as you, everything is a big deal innit" Aaron teases.

Robert folds his arms, looking as if he's had enough. "You haven't even said happy birthday" he sulks.

Smiling, Aaron puts down the coffee cup on the counter behind him, pushing himself towards Robert. He plants a gentle kiss on his cheek. "Happy birthday honey".

Raising an eyebrow, Robert looks at him. "That wasn't so hard was it? Now where's my present then?"

"You'll get it later."

"You haven't even bought it yet, have you?"

Robert looks suspiciously at him. Most times he'd be right, but this year he's actually been out shopping in time. "I have. You'll get it later".

"Hmm" He adds, not really convinced. "You stink by the way."

"I'm going for a shower now".

"Aren't you eating some breakfast? You should have something. I don't need you extra grumpy today" Robert calls after him but he's already on his way up the stairs. Coffee is enough, he's not even that hungry. 

The water is scorching hot just as he prefers it and it fogs up the whole bathroom in no time. He likes standing there, setting the big shower head on waterfall function, and just relax before even making an attempt of picking up the shower gel. Music is suddenly turned on on full blast via the surround speakers they had installed throughout the house and Aaron nearly jumps out of his own skin.

"Sorry!" he can hear Robert shouting after the music is turned off in the bathroom. He can never get the damn system right.

Shortly after, he steps out of the shower, water dripping everywhere and he ties a towel around his waist.

The whole room is turned into a steam sauna and he has to wipe down the mirror several times to see something while trimming his beard. Having waited too long since the last time, it's long and unruly and getting it in shape is the least he can do. It's peculiar how his own image has changed over the year. In his head he's still 30, but whenever he sees his own reflection he's reminded that he's anything but. Zak used to tell him the same when he was a kid and he remember thinking it was such a weird thing to say, he wasn't young at all. Now he knew better. Well it was partly true. He hated loud music and couldn't drink as many beers as he once managed. And it was the tiredness of course. But part from that, not much had changed. There were only more wrinkles on him.

The door opens, letting some cold in and Robert waves his hand in front of him. "How can you even breathe in here?"

"Special pair of lungs."

"Can you do my neck when you have the trimmer out?" He turns, pointing to the long hair in his neck.

"Why didn't you book an appointment? Thought you wanna look pretty on your big day" Aaron mocks.

"Shut up. Didn't have time, had I. I got too much stuff to do around here".

"Suppose that's my fault and all yeah" Aaron asks not really expecting an answer as he shaves away the fine hairs.

Robert ignores him with a quiet mumble.

Aaron turns the trimmer off, brushing some of the hair that's fallen onto Robert's shirt away. "You're done".

Robert turns, trying to inspect his new neckline before placing his arm around Aaron's shoulders, pulling him in. "Look at them two handsome devils ey" he says, meeting their reflection in the mirror.

"Mm. Not too bad" Aaron smiles gently, receiving a kiss to his forehead before he finds himself alone in the bathroom again.

He makes some last touches to his beard, thinking it doesn't look half bad before throwing the towel over the shower door and heading into the bedroom.

Two of his shirts are already laid out on the bed for him, one solid navy blue and one checkered in red. At least Robert left the choice of trousers up to him. Adam teases him about Robert picking out his clothes but he couldn't care less. In fact, he reckons he has it pretty well. The little interest he once had in clothes is completely gone and he's more than happy to let Robert pick out his clothes. He's been forced more than once throughout the years to go clothes shopping. The only way Robert can make him go these days are when they're down in London to catch up with old friends or Milton when he's home, visiting the posh department store where Eileen works. She knows exactly what he likes and she usually has it all picked out by the time they get there. That way, all he has to do is try a few things on while standing still in one place. None of that running around. Robert still likes running around, always has, always will he says. Aaron usually stays behind chatting with Eileen while he's off to find new shoes or whatever it is he searches for. Or, he stays behind in their London flat and lets him hit the town on his own. They still get recognized sometimes when they're in the capital and he knows Robert secretly thrives by the attention. He hasn't let go of his old job completely, he's still on the board of directors and very much involved in the future of the organization, but he doesn't really do much work for it. It keeps him busy though and Aaron imagines he'd been climbing the walls if he didn't have that. He himself could never imagine going back. He's been retired for nearly three years and hasn't missed working one bit. All he needs is right here at home, his tools and all his little projects around the house, his old friend, and his whole family. It's easy and simple just the way he likes it.

Deciding it looks fancier for a birthday, he picks the blue one and goes into his closet to find a matching pair of trousers and perhaps a belt. Robert's not the only one who can make an effort.

Pawing through his drawer in the dresser, he finds himself a pair of nicer, thinner socks and black boxers. He's about to put them on when the small little glass trinket box, right next to a framed picture of Lou, catches his eye. It's been on the dresser for as long as he can remember but usually he doesn't give it much attention. It's rather sweet that he's kept it. Smiling, Aaron picks it up, viewing the stone that he gave to Robert on this very day, 25 years ago. So many years. Blinking some tears away he puts it down again. The promise he made that day, he's kept.

The little stone is all he thinks about as he finally gets dressed. What if he would put Robert out of his misery and just give him a real stone. He's kept on asking him to marry him every year. He knows it's mostly as a fun thing these days but still, what if he'd surprise him and actually say yes? It's a fun idea but as quickly as it comes, as quickly he dismisses it. Marriage is not the secret to a working relationship. Love and respect are. And he's seen too many marriages fail. They are not the important thing. Simply being together is. All and all, they've had a really good life together. There might not be as many as 25 years more together but the years they will have he plans to make the most of.

"Right, I'm going to pick up mother" He takes the car keys from the kitchen counter. "Anything that's missing?"

"Yes, my present" Robert says seriously, wiping his forehead as he stands above the stove, watching something boil.

"You're too damn impatient. You just have to wait till tonight".

The comment makes Robert whip his head around. "What do you mean tonight! That's just cruel Aaron".

He's said his name now. It means he means business. "And I'll add on an extra hour every time you ask. Careful so it won't go to midnight!" He shrugs on his coat and stomps his feet into some winter boots.

"You're a cruel man Aaron Livesy".

"I'm going now".

"Good choice by the way".

"What?"

"The shirt hon" Robert smiles and gives him one of those looks that seems to see right through him.

The drive to the village only takes about 15 minutes but it's enough to go over the plans for the new model airplane in his head. He got all the parts waiting in the garage and the last piece should finally be arriving sometime this week. Meanwhile, he's thought out about a hundred different routes he wanna take and what he should film from the air. For once, he's even managed to get Robert enthusiastic about it. They've made some plans for a short trip up to Scotland as soon as the weather warms up a little bit more. They should be able to get some amazing views around Glen Coe.

Chas is already waiting for him outside of Anne's cottage as he pulls up.

"What are you doing out here mother?” he asks, voice filled with concern. He hates the thought of her being out on her own after her hip operation last year.

"Oh don't fuss Aaron. It's all sunny and nice". She tries standing up from the walker she's been sitting on and wobbles a little and he's soon there to help her. "Alright alright" she mumbles. "I'm just slow in the start".

"Do you want the walker with you?" he questions as soon as he's helped her into the car.

"No no the cane is fine. We'll just be inside won't we?".

"Yes".

She fiddles with her seatbelt, "Then just the cane" she nods. 

He fetches it from inside the house and checks the handle after he's locked up. As he reaches the car again, Chas looks at him as if he's crazy.

"I think you forgot something now love".

"What?"

"Well do you see me holding something? I can't show up empty-handed. I got some flowers and chocolate on the kitchen table, I told you".

Instead of sighing, he draws a deep breath and tries smiling. He can't really get annoyed, her memory isn't all there anymore. There's a bunch of flowers on the table, complete with the note left from the delivery firm. He rips it off and throws it away. On the table, there's also an opened chocolate box, two pieces missing.

"Is this really the chocolate you wanna give away?" he asks, pushing the box into her lap as he returns to the car. "It's already opened".

"Well it's chocolate for everyone. He can't eat it all by himself. It's not good for you" she states, looking at him as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right" Aaron agrees amused.

"Besides, he's gotten a bit of a tummy hasn't he?" she whispers as if someone could hear her. "Probably best I take another one" she says, and digs another one out with her trembling hands, taking a small bite of it. 

It takes everything he got to not burst out laughing.

"Thank you Chas" Robert smiles and kisses her cheek after receiving the flowers and opened chocolate box.

"She knows it's opened right?" he later whispers to Aaron who's sorting out a vase for the flowers.

"Apparently it's for everyone" Aaron chuckles and squeezes Robert's shoulder just as the doorbell rings. "Well go get it then." he nods towards the door when Robert isn't answering it fast enough. "You're the birthday boy".

"It's just Vic and Adam" he says.

"Don't let them hear you said that" It's true that they're over often enough to not be considered special guests but Aaron has an inkling that it might be someone else waiting behind the door and he follows Robert into the hallway, just in time to see the shocked expression on his face when Milton steps through the door.

Vic had told him he was coming home from Australia but had asked him to keep it to himself. Surprising Rob who always was suspicious around birthdays is a nearly impossible task.

Gobsmacked, it takes Robert a few seconds to even say something else but jumbled stutters as he hugs him, causing Vic who enters behind Milton to laugh. "Rendering my brother speechless, could as well be my birthday this" she laughs.

"It's so good to see you" he finally says, letting go of the grip around him. "I can't believe you're here". The emotion in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by anyone and as Aaron has gotten his hug from Milton he can see the tears in Robert's eyes.

Removing his glasses to wipe a few of them away, Robert asks "Did you know about this?"

"Yes" Aaron smiles, pulling his emotional partner in for a side hug. "And seeing your reaction is all worth keeping secrets from you" he says before Robert can call him names, and kisses him affectionately on one cheek, stroking the other.

Not even a teasing comment comes from Adam and Aaron suspects he has shed a few tears as well from seeing his son again who spends most of his life on the other side of the world. 

It's Chas who breaks them all up. "Aren't we eating soon?"

Aaron shifts his arm from around Robert and places it around his mother's narrow shoulders. "Yes, in a bit, we're just waiting for Miles and the kids".

The words are barely out of his mouth as they see the car pull into their driveway and a boy and a teenage girl jump out. Robert opens the door, and stands in the doorway waiting, the lingering April cold seeping through.

Miles and Mel are still at the car when Ben comes pulling a bag too big for his size. "Happy birthday" he grins, revealing a missing tooth.

With some effort, Robert bends down, ruffling his hair. "Thanks Ben. What do you got in here then?" he asks, taking his bag.

"I promised he could stay one night here before heading over to ours" Vic explains, pulling her grandchild close. "Because someone" she pauses, playfully poking Ben's sides "insisted on it. Someone likes it here better than at grandma and grandpa's".

Ben laughs from the tickling. "Robert and Aaron are fun".

"History repeating itself ey" Adam winks at Aaron. "Come here bud" he reaches down and lifts Ben into his arms.

"Can't help that we're so damn fun, can we?" Aaron grins.

"And pretty lose with the rules too as I recall" Milton weighs in.

"Oh what's this then?" Vic's interest is peaked.

"I'll tell you another time" Milton smiles knowingly at Aaron.

Everyone's attention turns toward Mel and Miles who are now singing happy birthday as they walk slowly towards the house as Mel is balancing a cake in her hands. It's mostly Miles who does the singing as she's occupied biting her lip and concentrating hard.

"Oh my goodness" Robert expresses enthusiastically, laying it on a bit extra thick for Mel's sake as he sees the cake up close. It's yellow with sparkles and intriguing frosting that is far better than anything he has ever attempted cake-wise. "Did you do this all by yourself?"

"Yes" she nods.

"I bet it will taste even better than your grandma's" Aaron teases. "Here I can take it" he offers.

"I'll take it to the fridge" Vic takes it from his hands after she's hugged her son and granddaughter.

They share hugs with Miles and the three exchange knowing looks, avoiding the elephant in the room of it being the first time Miles's wife isn't with them. Ex-wife soon.

"Come on, we better eat before Chas starts chewing on her napkin" Robert prompts, nodding towards the living room where the others have disappeared to.

"Oh hang on" Miles says, pulling out a present from a paper bag. "Happy birthday" he smiles with admiring eyes.

Aaron's reminded he hasn't wrapped his own yet and he better sneak away after dinner. Vic and Adam have kindly put all the food on the table, all of it made by Robert, and Chas has already tucked in.

She pulls a cinnamon stick out of her mouth. "This is too hard to chew" she frowns.

"You're not suppose to eat that mother" Aaron says.

"Then why put it in?"

"It's for the flavour Chas" Robert calmly explains, lading the stew onto his plate. He's patient with her, ever since they returned from France in their youth he's been patient with her. Mostly, all she's given back is a hard time. These days she's in a weird mood to everyone. During their weekly visits she can be either really sweet with Robert or hardly remember who he is.

"Here, you take it" she holds out the cinnamon stick for Aaron to take.

"Just put it on the side of your plate mother".

"What if I eat it again?" He can tell several people around the table are trying to keep from laughing.

"I can take it" Mel offers kindly with a smile.

"Thank you dear. What's your name?"

"It's Mel mum, Miles's daughter. You know her" Aaron explains. 

"Yes of course. Of course I do" she sneers at him. "You can have two pieces from my chocolate box" she tells Mel sweetly. 

"I better take her home after we've finished" Aaron says, leaning close to Robert.

"Probably too many people for her" Robert nods. 

"Yeah” He looks at her fiddle with her food again, her shaky hands picking at something, nose wrinkling. Over the latter years her memory has faded all too quickly and he fears that one day he'll be gone too from her memory. Watching her grow older has always been hard, but seeing her get worse was on an other level of difficult. The only thing he can do is try and be there for her as much as possible. He would forever be grateful they took the step of moving back when they did. They've had some few healthy years together before it had turned. 

"You gotta tell us what's happening down under" Robert encourages Milton, giving Aaron's hand an encouraging squeeze as if he knows he's nearly lost in thoughts, worrying over his mother's deteriorating health.

Milton dives into plenty of stories, capturing the attention from the whole table. Listening to all of his loved ones chattering away is comforting and it lulls him into a calmer state. He can't even remember the last time they have all been together and he realizes just how much he's missed them.

After dessert has been scarfed and they've moved onto the sofa to unbutton their trousers while the kids run about high on sugar, Aaron takes Chas home. It has become harder and harder for her to be around many people at once and it's better to keep it short.

He leads her into her little cottage, asking one time too many if she'll be alright on her own.

"Oh stop fussing Aaron. Just put the telly on will ya" she orders and he does as she says after placing her cane next to the big armchair. He also makes sure she got a tall glass of water next to her.

"I love you" he smiles and she tilts her cheek upwards from where she's sitting and he gives her a quick peck on it. "I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"I'll see you when I see you" she replies, voice rushed as she grabs the remote.

Right before he's about to get into the car again, he receives a text from Robert, saying - == stay where you are, we're going to the pub ==.

Pocketing the car keys, he heads towards the pub instead. Jack is behind the bar. "What are you doing here? Thought you lot were celebrating uncle Robert?" he asks, looking at Aaron from the corner of his eyes as he's concentrating on pulling a pint.

"They're all on their way. Might as well start pulling a few more of them" he points at the tap Jack is holding. The pub feels warm and stuffy as sunlight shines through the windows, hitting him from where he's standing.

"You go sit down, I'll bring them over" Jack smiles and for a brief second he looks just like Andy.

Shrugging off his jacket, he takes a seat at one of the bigger tables that are thankfully free. This isn't what he had planned, he had meant to finally wrap Robert's gift as he got home but now it might truly be midnight before he can give it to him. And he will have to deal with his annoyance too. That thought alone pushes his stress-level through the roof, a heat wave pulsating through him as he loosens the top button of his shirt.

The kids come rushing in first, their eyes searching for him and he waves at them. Jack carries over a heavy tray of pints and is nearly tangled with Mel and Ben as they all head towards Aaron's table.

"Take it easy" Aaron encourages and gestures for them to sit next to him on the sofa.

"Grandpa Rob wants his present" Ben giggles and looks at his sister mischievously. She rolls her eyes. 

"And I bet he told you to tell me that" Aaron smiles, wrapping an arm around the small boy.

"Na-uh" he laughs, twisting in his seat.

The rest of them enters the pub and Aaron speaks loudly as they approach where they're sitting, "Are you getting these youngsters" he pulls them close to his side, "to do your dirty work ey?"

"You said I couldn't ask anymore, but you said nothing about sending messages" Robert winks as he starts unbuttoning his coat, nodding at the glasses in the middle of the table. "At least you got these in on time".

”You're horrible Rob” Victoria adds, hanging her jacket on the back of one of the chairs before going over to the bar to say hi to Jack. 

"Why do you need a birthday gift for anyway?" Aaron asks as the four men sit down, Robert taking a seat next to Aaron, placing Ben in his lap. ”I'm not sure you deserve one after the nagging I've endured today” he teases. He knows he's prolonging Robert's agony but he can't help himself.

"You just love ruining all the fun don't you you grumpy git" Robert mumbles, receiving a slap on his arm from Victoria who comes back in time to hear it. 

Aaron just laughs, shaking his head, feeling his face flush from the banter. ”I'll have you all know that this man” he points to Robert, ”is probably the most impatient man on this planet”.

”Considering how I wait for you every morning, that's a big lie” Robert retorts with a nod.

The others chuckle at them before chipping in with a few stories of their own about Robert, and Aaron can't help smiling wide at the man next to him. His heart still skips a beat for the one he's shared his life with for nearly 40 years. They've had their ups and downs but they've been happy.

It's in that moment, within thoughts of a life lived he can feel the tightening around his heart. It grips him harder than it should and his breathing suddenly becomes labored.

"Aaron what's wrong?" The words out of Vic's mouth are like distant mumbles and he can't answer her, his mouth unable to form words.

Another wave of pain shoots through his left arm and it's suddenly so warm.

"Dad!" Mel yells.

"Someone call an ambulance. I think he's having a stroke!"

”He's burning up”.

"Aaron?" He can feel Robert's hands gripping his face. "Honey?" he cries. "I'm right here. Just relax. Ambulance is on its way. You'll be ok honey. You think I'll let anything happen to you huh?"

There are a few other voices around him but he can't focus on anything else than Robert holding him. The pain suddenly numbs and everything appears very still as if time has stopped. He's alone in a bright world, feeling light as a feather. The touch of Robert's fingertips on his cheek soothes him.

It's in the moment before everything fades away completely that he can make out the curly hair bouncing around and the giggles he hasn't heard for over 30 years. It makes him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go :/


	10. Epilogue - 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end :(  
> I feel kinda sad now, I've lived with this story for so long.   
> Thank you to all my lovely readers, for kudos, and comments. You've been wonderful.   
> And I'm sorry for any pain I made you go through - I just hope it was a good kind of pain :)

Horrified, he looks at the old woman, not fully accepting the abrupt end to her story. ”Did he die? There in the pub?” he nearly whispers as if he's afraid of knowing the answer, before slowly turning to look back at the old grey building which suddenly appears even more depressing. 

"No, no, he was fine” she fold her hands over the cane's handle and holds it in front of her, slightly leaning forward, putting her weight on it. Slowly, she shrugs her shoulders. ”Nothing a minor operation couldn't fix. I think Robert aged more than Aaron, you should have seen how worried he was” she nods at him. ”It all went really well though - the operation I mean. But afterwards, oh my” she laughs. ”I think Robert drove Aaron a little mad with all his fussing. He made them eat properly, no alcohol and definitely no smoking for Aaron. I remember Aaron sneaking away to the pub every now and then, enjoying a pint on his own. He made everyone in the pub promise not to tell Robert and we all played along. This one time he found out, I can't remember why but he did and I'm not sure if they spoke for a whole week, even threatened to kick Aaron out” she chuckles, her eyes shining bright as a tear slips from the corner of her eye – albeit still smiling. ”It was just an idle threat of course, he could never have gone through with it” she explains, the smile becoming a little sadder. ”It..." she stops herself, her voice trembling. "It was about six years after the operation he passed away."

The graveyard is right in front of him and it's the inevitable ending to any story about someone's life, but still, as he hears the words his heart drops. "What happened? He wasn't even that old”. 

"75. No age at all” she shakes her head, clutching the cane a little harder. ”Robert said he went down to make breakfast, he always did, Aaron was such a grumpy morning person so he always let him sleep a little longer, then he would come down just in time as coffee and toast were ready. Robert was sure it was a strategy of his to always get served breakfast. But that one morning... well... he just didn't come down". She closes her eyes and he can tell them flickering behind her lids as if she's digging through her memories. "They say it was a major stroke. That the heart condition he had had caused it". She shakes her head, her wrinkles deepening. "I just think it had been broken too many times. Too many cracks that could never really heal".

His chin wobbles as he tries to hold it together and he keeps shifting his jaw from side to side, fighting desperately against the tears. Only a small one slips down his left cheek. 

The woman looks past the fields and into the darkening sky at the horizon. The cane now rests against the bench and her hands are fiddling with a laced handkerchief. "Everyone loved him. No one really wanted to believe that he was gone. He was just such a big part of all of us you know.”

”What about Robert?” He wipes away another stray tear, forcing his voice to sound more steady than it really is.

"He never really got over losing Aaron" she states absently, looking down at her hands, suddenly becoming very still. ”He was lost. So very lost” she shakes her head repeatedly. ”We tried so hard with him but he became worse and worse, cruel and evil. Wouldn't let anyone near the house. I was the only one he allowed up there in the end. It nearly broke my heart seeing him like that.” She looks at him briefly before continuing. "Nearly three years he went on like that. It was almost as if he was back to the way he was before Aaron. Without him, no one had ever been able to guide him right, least of all himself. I think, in the end, it was the heartbreak that got him. Every year during the anniversary of Aaron's death, he became worse. Talking daft, driving himself mad. That last week" she says and wipes a small tear away with her hand, "he became poorly. Stayed in bed. I knew something was wrong. He was feverish and said all sorts. Thought he saw monsters" she laughs but he can detect the pain behind the smile. "The last evening we got, I was sitting close to his bed and he was sleeping, when he woke up with a jolt. He almost frightened me to death! He grabbed my hand like this" she says and momentarily takes his hand, her strong grip surprising him. "Then he stared at me, right in the eyes, and smiled. And just for a second it was like he looked like his happy old self again. 'Aaron', he said very clearly and then he laid down again and I could see his last breath disappear from his body. And that was it" she shrugs as if she's told the story many times already. There's a beat before she speaks again, ”It doesn't matter who we are or how powerful we might be, we love and grief in the same way and we all need the same things from this life. Someone to hold our hand”. She stretches out her tiny hand again and he happily takes it, her skin and veins feeling soft and hard at the same time. ”Their house is empty, has been ever since Robert died. It just sits there. I never had the heart to sell it and now, well I guess when I'm gone it's probably too run down to put on the market. If it isn't already. I used to go and look over it every now and then but I'm too old for that now. My children told me to sell it but it wouldn't feel right. That's their house. With their memories inside. I'd rather see it die with them. People think I'm crazy for saying that but that's the way I feel and no one should be able to say that what you feel is wrong” she states and for some reason he can tell there's something much more resting behind the words. 

He's finally reached the stage where he's unable to hold back the tears and they come out at a faster pace, his shoulders shaking, his hand gripping the woman's harder. "Oh dear, you need this more than me" she wriggles out of his grip and hands over her handkerchief which he happily receives. He wipes his nose, feeling a tad silly for crying at a stranger's story. She takes his hand back in hers, this time placing it in her lap and they sit perfectly still, looking out at the landscape, no more words needed. 

She finally nods towards the stone. "They did die on the same date but no one could come soon enough to state the official time of death".

There's a deeper sadness in her voice, one that he hasn't heard before. He lets out a shaky breath, a poor attempt of trying to pull himself together. "They must really have loved each other".

"I suspect there was a bit of hate in there too" she laughs again, briefly disguising the somber atmosphere. "Most couples who've been together for long will tell you that" she winks at him. 

He nods confirming, his lips pressed into a small smile that's far less genuine than he'd wished for. He can't help the feeling of there being too much hate between him and his wife. And more than anything, he can't help feeling their love doesn't even come close to the love Aaron and Robert shared. What other reason must there have been for them to keep gravitating back to each other than just pure and utter deep love between them. No matter how he twists it, it's more apparent than ever that that's not what he has in his life. His is more a comforting kind of love, the kind you enjoy because you want someone to share your life with. Not necessarily because you live and die with them.

”I don't wanna die alone”. The words come out quicker than intended and before he knows it a dam has broken and his tears are flowing freely as he leans forward, burying his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. ”I'm sorry” he sobs, trying to compose himself but it's proving impossible as the woman spreads her hand over his back, rubbing soothingly.

”Dear boy. No one wants that. But in the end, that's just what we are anyway. That's just how life goes. If we're really lucky, we'll have someone there to hold our hand, but if we don't...well it doesn't really matter I reckon. It's the journey getting there that's important. That's why we search for love isn't it?” she nudges him gently. 

”What if you can't find it? Or what if you think you've found the wrong love?” he asks, dancing around the truth.

She stops her circling motion on his back and squeezes his shoulder a little. ”In that case, you stop lying to yourself and go out and find yourself a new love. Life is too short to spend it with the wrong love. I think...” she points with her cane towards the grave, ”that's what these two realized. No matter how much you try, you always end up with the one you're supposed to be with. You just need to follow your heart. And stop listening to what everyone else says!” she stomps the cane to the ground, raising her voice a little.

It makes sense what she's saying and deep down he has always known it, but it helps having a stranger, who has lived a full life, say it. He needs several deep breaths before he can speak again. ”I feel silly, crying like this in front of someone I don't know” he admits a little embarrassed. 

”Sometimes, that's exactly what we need I reckon” she croaks. ”Besides, I think you know me quite well by now, don't you think” she winks, causing him to frown, not entirely sure what she means. She starts gathering her cane and gets ready to stand. "I'd better go kiss my Adam goodnight now before it gets too dark".

That's when the penny drops and he snorts a laugh, not believing how blind he's been. ”You're Victoria”.

”Took you long enough to figure that one out. How else do you think I know these two idiots so well” she grins, standing up effortlessly. Any sign of her previous unsteadiness is completely gone. ”They used to run to me and Adam with their troubles all the time, especially when they were crossed with each other, who needed a book to read when we could just discuss them all evening. Mind you, they had their fair share of troubles, I won't deny that. But they got through them, that's what's important. We all just need to keep fighting”.

Looking up, he smiles at her. ”You're very smart”.

She simply smiles back at him. "Did I tell you I have a second great grandchild on its way?"

He shakes his head, "No you didn't".

"Life is funny that way isn't it. It just moves along" she chuckles. "It's also very long and very short at the same time”. She places a gentle hand against his cheek. ”Don't spend it being sad".

His eyes are filled with new tears, he can tell hers are shining too, the last light of the day reflecting in them, and there's a powerful, unspoken exchange between them. Before he even gets the chance to thank her for everything, she has hurried over to another grave. He watches her kissing her hand and placing it on the stone. She stands next to it for a few minutes, and he's almost certain he can see her talking to it. As she leaves, she throws him a little nod before he finds himself all alone among the stones.

He finally gets up and crosses the graveyard, damp grass painting his shoes green. It's been a long time since he last saw his grandma's stone, him not even being born when she died being the persistent excuse. But something feels different this time, as if there's a whole world of stories untold that he needs to unfold, as he stares at her name,

Vanessa Kotecha   
1979 - 2054

Underneath is an empty space, ready for his grandpa's name to be inscribed when that day comes. He'd asked him why he never met someone new, he was still young when she had passed and why would he want to spend the rest of his life alone. "I'm not alone. She's still here" he'd said, pointing to his heart.

The sun suddenly cracks through a tiny split in the cloudy sky, disappearing as quickly as it came. But it's enough to paint the graveyard in a different light. How odd it might sound, it's a happier, more hopeful one. He looks around all the stones and can't help wondering about all the stories they must possess.

He can feel his phone buzzing again, it's his boss, no doubt wondering where he's at. He turns it off. Then and there, he makes a life changing decision of quitting the job he's so miserable at and moving back to the village where his roots are, wife or no wife. Who knows, maybe he'll even restart that café again he muses and can feel his cheeks tugging for a smile.

If he's lucky, he'll create some stories of his own.

 

THE END

 

”A time it was, and what a time it was, it was  
A time of innocence  
A time of confidences  
Long ago it must be  
I have a photograph  
Preserve your memories  
They're all that's left you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is short. Make the most of it.  
> Thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and thoughts are very much appreciated!  
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
